


No One’s Here to Sleep

by SneetchesToo



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, PTSD, Romance, Season 3, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-04-28 06:31:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 67,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneetchesToo/pseuds/SneetchesToo
Summary: “Here’s the pride before the fall;Oh your eyes they show it all.I can see it coming, I can see it coming.As I rise up through each floor;Shit gets dark when you lose it all.I can hear it coming, I hear the drumming.”-No One’s Here to Sleep by Naughty Boy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *This was just a simple idea, but I got a little carried away and now here we are. Slight spoilers for season 3, but nothing that we don’t already know. Obviously this is AU and not nearly as canon as I started it out to be. I also made Ariel a little younger, maybe by 2 years, just because I could.*

Leanne had been having a bad morning. No scratch that. She had been having a shitty morning. First she had gotten in an argument with Ariel over whether or not the teen had to go to school today. Ariel had argued that she had migraine. Leanne had countered back with the fact that she knew that Ariel hadn’t studied for her math test. They had both gone their separate ways without another word. And when Ethan had dropped by to pick the teen up for school, they hadn’t even uttered a goodbye to each other.

It’s not that Leanne expected life with a teenager to be simple. In fact, she damn well knew better. But sometimes she wondered just how much Ariel pestered her on purpose, and how much of it was just normal teenage angst. She had asked Ethan that before he had left and he had just chuckled at her, squeezing her hand as he told her not to worry, that he would talk to the girl. She felt more confident in his ability to get through to her.

Ariel had taken to Ethan almost immediately. And she had practically been glued to him during her recovery. She would ask for him constantly and when he would stop by to see her she would fight for hours to get him to stay. Leanne had been thankful for his willingness to indulge the teen. And if she was telling the truth, she was just as excited to have him in the house. They had started spending almost all of their time together outside of Angels with the teen, both of them, together. And it was almost like they had become their own little family. 

Ethan had been there for her when she recovered. He had stayed with them and helped them when they were both unable to get around much. He had cooked for them and cleaned and he had helped Leanne with things around the house that she just couldn’t do. 

And he had been there for her during her custody battle over Ariel. She had filed the papers while they were both still laid up in the hospital and Ethan had driven her to countless of meetings with her lawyers. He had helped her get Ariel set up in school, and he had even spent his entire weekend cleaning out Caitlin’s old room for the teen. And he hadn’t once complained or argued with either one of them. He just did what needed to be done. And she was beyond thankful for his patience these past seven months.

But things hadn’t always been easy. And she knew that things were bound to go downhill eventually. Everything else in her life always did. This was confirmed for her a little later that day when she walked into the break room and found Ethan on the floor, his eyes closed and his chest not rising. She felt every fiber of her being shut down. She felt every muscle forget how to work. 

“Ethan!” She screamed his name as she dropped her coffee cup, her legs finally remembering how to function as she ran toward him, dropping herself down on top of him, her hips straddling his waist as she reached out to check his pulse quickly. She found one, but it was barely there, and she felt herself bite her lip to keep from crying. “Ethan please.” She shook him gently, her head dropping down to his chest to check for breath signs. There weren’t any. She went into panic mode. She screamed. As loud as possible. Screamed for Jesse, for Noa, for help of any kind. For someone, anyone. 

And then she dropped her hands to his chest and got ready to start CPR when she heard his body let out a strangled breath. She pulled back her hands and reached out for his face, gripping his cheeks gently as he gasped for air below her. She didn’t know what was happening, but she was terrified, and she knew she wasn’t doing him any favors. She waited for a minute, her eyes staying focused on his face as he blinked his eyes repeatedly.

“Leanne…” His voice was quiet and she could feel him trembling below her. She dropped her head to his chest as he breathed out a huff. _Oh thank God._

“I’m here Ethan.” She whispered, bringing her eyes back up to meet his. Her hands dropped back to his chest softly and she watched as he lifted his eyes slightly, eyeing her from his spot below her.

“You know, of all the times I’ve imagined you on top of me,” His voice was humorous and she didn’t get it at first, until he finished talking, “this is not how I thought it would happen.”

She let out a breath and jumped up quickly, removing herself from on top of him, just as his head dropped back against the cold floor, his eyes going shut as she fell to her knees beside him. She reached out to press her hand to his cheek once more, she noted how warm his skin felt against her cool hands. It was alarming.

“Focus Ethan.” She said softly. She reached back down with her other hand to check his pulse once more and when she felt that he was still trembling she stroked her thumb over his stubble covered chin. Turning his head toward her she watched as he continued to struggle with catching his breath.

The door to the break room opened just then and both Jesse and Noa rushed through the door, halting in their tracks at the sight before them. Leanne had never been so glad to see her two friends in her entire life.

“Get me a gurney and an oxygen mask.” She watched Ethan try to speak up, but he was silenced by something internally and she reached for him once more when she saw the pained look that came across his face. “Now!”

“What happened?” Noa fell to her knees on Ethan’s other side, her hand reaching out for the Colonel’s face as well and Leanne watched as Jesse ran out of the room behind her.

“I don’t know.” Leanne dropped her head back down to Ethan’s chest again, noticing the rise and fall of his chest had stopped again. “I found him like this.”

Noa shook her head back and forth as she ran her hand through the man’s hair, stopping when she made contact with his forehead. “He’s burning up.”

Leanne’s eyes snapped up to meet the redhead’s just as Jesse came through the door a second time, a gurney being pulled behind him, Mario hot on his heels. Leanne stood slowly, stepping back out of the way as the two men hoisted the Colonel up onto the soft mattress. Mario’s words stopped her dead in his tracks. 

“He’s not breathing.” And Leanne went back into panic mood, jumping up on the gurney to start CPR as Jesse undid the lock on the wheel. She once again straddled Ethan’s waist, her hands going to his chest as she started compressions. Counting to herself as they rushed to Center Stage, all eyes suddenly on them.


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours had passed since that frightening moment and Leanne had been in and out of Ethan’s room every thirty minutes since, checking to make sure that he was still breathing. That he was still alive. She couldn’t remember a time in her life where she had ever been more terrified. Maybe not since her accident. _Maybe not even then._

Ethan had yet to wake up, and while they had returned his breathing to normal, none of them quite knew what was causing his issues. Other than his fever, which had spiked to 103 a little over an hour ago. But every test that they ran came back fine. He was dehydrated, and his oxygen was low, but other than that. He was fine. No one had an explanation for why he collapsed. No one had an explanation for why he stopped breathing. No one knew anything.

After finally giving up on getting anything done, her mind constantly going back to her sleeping best-friend down the hall, Leanne had turned in for the night. Dropping her stuff in her locker and retreating quietly out the back door of the hospital. She had just started her car when her phone buzzed with a text from Jesse, telling her that Ethan was awake. She shut the engine off immediately and practically ran back inside. When she got to his doorway she stopped, eying him softly as she leaned against the door frame.

“Hi.” She whispered quietly, her arms going to wrap around herself as she moved into the room, closing the door behind her.

“Hey.” He had a soft smile on his face as he spoke. “What happened?”

“We don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders as she stepped into the room a little further, offering him a small smile as she reached out to check his pulse. She knew that the monitors said that he was fine, but she wanted to feel it for herself. “You have a high fever, and you’re dehydrated, but other than that, we can’t find a source.”

She shifted her eyes to Jesse who was checking his IV, ensuring that he was getting plenty of fluids and pain meds. She wondered if the head nurse thought she was crazy for her behavior earlier today. If he thought so, he surely didn’t speak up about it.

“Oh.” Was all he said in return. He closed his eyes as he laid his head back against the pillow, a soft sigh leaving his lips when she placed her hand in his. “Sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay.” She whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. “I’m just glad you’re breathing on your own again.”

“Hmm…” She saw his mouth twist into a small smile as he opened his eyes and focused his gaze on her. She wondered what in the world could have possibly gotten into him. “So I didn’t imagine you on top of me, giving me CPR?”

“Nope.” Her hand loosened it’s grip around his when she remembered his comment about dreaming about that moment. She swallowed to try and hide her embarrassment. Jesse let out a snort that did little to help the situation.

“Totally not how I imagined you on top of me.” He said softly, offering her a wink.

She choked on the air she was breathing and her hand dropped to the bed beside his. She shot Jesse a glance that said if he spoke up she’d kill him. _He obviously didn’t care._

“You’ve imagined daddy on top of you?” He let out a low whistle when Ethan’s eyes shifted in his direction. She guessed that maybe he had forgotten that Jesse was there. “Now that’s an image.”

Ethan looked like he was going to freak out for a second but then he let out a soft chuckle and shook his head back and forth, his eyes closing for a brief second before he opened them and locked them with hers. “More times than you can imagine Mama.”

Jesse let out another whistle and all of a sudden the room felt very, very small, and very, very warm.

“Normally there’s a lot less clothing involved though.” His words caused Jesse to let out a strangled sound as he shook his head back and forth.

“Ethan please.” She growled out, her arms going around herself protectively. “Just stop.”

“Hey Jesse asked…” He waved an unsteady hand at Jesse as he spoke and Leanne watched as the head nurse just patted his shoulder with a smile.

“You’re not exactly in your right mind Ethan.” She said softly, reaching out to brush some of the hair from his forehead, his skin still burning against her palm. “You’re not thinking straight.”

“My mind is perfectly right I’ll have you know.” His words started to slur and Leanne wondered for a second how much medicine Jesse had given him. She ran her hand gently down his face, stopping against his cheek as he winked at her. “And so are… other parts of me…” 

The goofy grin that came over his face sent Jesse into a fit of laughter and Leanne couldn’t help it as her cheeks turned bright red. She was going to get him for this. She couldn’t believe he was being so obnoxious. _Damn medicine._ She got ready to respond when Jesse spoke up, his hands resting gently against her shaking shoulders as he spoke.

“Come on Daddy.” He said softly. “Let’s let Casanova here get some sleep.” 

And with that he steered her body away from Ethan’s bedside and quietly out the door. He walked her all the way to her car and deposited her in the front seat. Declaring that he would see her in an hour at her place, he was bringing dinner of course, and they were going to discuss what exactly was going on between her and the good Colonel. She wanted to object, but then he had told her that there was no point. That he would see her soon. And then he was gone. It took her another ten minutes to get her head clear enough to drive home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry this one’s so short, but I promise Mama and Daddy interaction makes it worth it!

Later that night Jesse had arrived at Leanne’s place like he promised, much to Leanne’s dismay, and he had in fact, brought dinner, for which Ariel appeared rather thankful. The teen had joined them for their meal, but she had then retreated upstairs, mumbling something about that headache from this morning. Leanne had wanted to roll her eyes at the teen’s dramatic side, but Jesse had just squeezed her arm and told the girl to have a good night. When she had made it upstairs, her bedroom door closing behind her, Jesse finally spoke up.

“Did you tell her about Ethan?” He gestured over his shoulder at the stairs behind them, his eyes shifting up from his slice of pizza to eye her curiously.

“No.” Was all Leanne managed to get out. It was stupid really. Ariel deserved to know. But she knew that Ariel would then insist on sitting at the man’s bedside until he was better. And she couldn’t afford for that to happen right now.

“Why not?” Jesse’s question was soft, and she could tell that he could see right through her bullshit. _He was always the best at reading her._

“I don’t want her to worry.” She said softly. And that part was true. She knew that Ariel would panic and that was the last thing she wanted for any of them right now.

“Hm…” He didn’t reply with words, just a simple hum, and he offered Leanne a look that told her that she wasn’t out of the woods yet. She wondered just what exactly he was going to talk to her about that couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning. “So you and the good Colonel huh?”

Leanne choked on the sip of water she had just taken as her eyes shot up toward the head nurse sitting across from her. _Her and the who? What was he talking about?_ “Excuse me Jesse?”

“You and Ethan?” He set his pizza crust down as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You didn’t tell me that you two were seeing each other.”

“That’s because we’re not.” She practically shouted at him. She couldn’t believe this. _Where in the world did Jesse get these ridiculous ideas from anyway?_

“I saw the way you handled him earlier. I saw the pain in your eyes. You’re not fooling anyone.” Jesse reached out with one hand to pat hers as he spoke. “Honestly, neither is he.”

“Nothing’s going on Jesse.” She said quietly, closing her eyes as she fought off a headache that she could tell was brewing. “We’re just friends.”

“Riiiight.” He let out a chuckle with his words and when she opened her eyes to look at him once more he was raising an eyebrow at her in true Mama fashion. She knew she was officially done for. “So his comment about you being on top of him earlier…”

Leanne felt her face turn several shades of red and she shook her head back and forth. _Fuck._ “That was all him Jesse. No such thing has ever happened.”

“But you’d like it too?” His question made her snap her eyes to meet his. She really wanted this conversation to stop. And she wanted it to stop ten minutes ago.

“I never said that Jesse.” She growled out. _This was not how she wanted to end her already horrible day._

“Oh come on Leanne.” He dragged out, his hands going to rest on the table in front of him, leaning back in his chair as he continued. “You can’t tell me that you haven’t at least thought about it.”

“Yes Jesse, actually, I can. I’ve never thought about it.” She huffed, dropping her hands to her lap as she closed her eyes once more. She was hoping that she could will the man to disappear. When she opened them he was still there though. _Dammit, no such luck._ “We’re just friends.”

“I don’t believe you.” He pointed an accusing finger at her as he spoke. “You need to at least acknowledge your feelings for him Leanne. It’s not healthy to keep this all locked inside.”

“My… what?” She honestly had no idea what he was talking about. _Did she?_ “I don’t have feelings for him Jesse.”

“I think you do.” He said softly, his eyes reflecting his gentleness back at her. “And I think they, and the intensity of them, scare the hell out of you.”

“I’m not scared Jesse.” She stood from her chair and moved to drop her plate in the sink. She felt Jesse reach a hand out to still her movements.

“Then do something about it Leanne.” She threw a look at him that she wished could kill. Or at least silence. Because she was so done with this conversation.

“There’s nothing to do Jesse.” She let out a sigh as her shoulders slumped under the weight of her frustration. “There’s nothing going on between us.”

“Bullshit.” He spat back, squeezing her arm as he tried to drag her toward him as he stood. She planted her feet and tried her best not to get drawn into him. “Admitting it would make things much easier on the both of you.”

She let out another sigh and finally turned her attention back toward him. She could feel the tears pricking behind her eyelids and she set her plate down on the table as she stepped into his open arms. _Goddammit he was good._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Since chapter 3 was so short, I’ll give you guys a double dose today!  
> **Here we have Ethan and Leanne finally talking about their feelings. Sadly, it doesn’t go as planned!

Leanne’s conversation with Jesse had gotten her night off to a rocky start. But after he had left   
she felt slightly better about things. But only slightly. She had called the hospital to check on Ethan, but Noa informed her that he was sleeping soundly and that if there was any change she would call her personally. She had wanted to argue, but she knew the young girl was right. He needed his rest, much more so than she needed to hear his voice. She had bid the young resident ‘goodnight’ and had gone upstairs to check on Ariel. 

She had found the young girl already asleep in her bed, her homework still laid out on the covers. Pressing a kiss to her head she covered her gently, turning the light off as she left. She wondered if maybe the girl really did feel under the weather. She felt horrible for forcing her to go to school if that was the case. She wished she could’ve talked to Ethan. Found out what was bothering the teen. But alas, it would have to wait. After showering and changing into her pajamas she had collapsed into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. 

When she awoke the next morning she was shocked to see that Ariel was still sleeping in the exact spot she had left her in the night before. Normally the girl would flip around during the night, often kicking her covers into the strangest of positions. But not last night. No, rather, she had barely moved an inch it seemed. Leanne did a quick check to ensure that the teen was breathing, and she let out a breath when she saw the rise and fall of her chest. She didn’t know what she would do if something had happened to her. Dropping another kiss to her head she retreated back to her bedroom to get ready for the day. She figured that letting Ariel stay home one day wouldn’t kill her, and she had called the school to let them know that she was under the weather. 

After bidding the still half-asleep teen goodbye, she drove to the hospital in complete silence. She knew that she would have to face Ethan today. And she wasn’t quite ready for what exactly that conversation would entail. She was nervous to face him again. His words from yesterday still echoing in her mind. She didn’t know if what he said was true, if he had really had visions of her on top of him, but she couldn’t help but let her mind wander there once or twice since then. 

Dropping her stuff into her locker quickly, she made her way out onto the floor of the always busy trauma one. She spotted Jesse almost immediately and she offered him a small smile and a wave, before indicating that she was going upstairs. He nodded his head and returned her smile, and she was thankful that he didn’t ask any questions about her impending visit to the Colonel. When she got to Ethan’s room the lights were on, and she could hear what sounded like a game show playing on the TV. She silently prayed that he was still asleep, but when she opened the door and saw him sitting up, a soft look on his exhausted features, she was also thankful.

“Morning.” She whispered as she stepped inside. His eyes turned away from the TV and toward her, and he offered her a soft smile before returning his gaze to the show.

“Morning.” His voice was rough and scratchy and she wondered if he was feeling as rough as he sounded.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, moving to shut the door behind her as she made her way to his bedside. 

He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes never leaving the TV. She watched as he reached up and scratched at a spot on his neck, his hand falling back into the same place by his hip when he was done. His movements were stiff, almost robotic like, and she couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was going on inside his head.

“Can I get you anything?” She felt almost like she was bothering him. Like he didn’t want her here. But then he shifted a glance at her and she saw a look there that broke her heart. She reached forward and took his hand softly in hers, squeezing it gently as she spoke. “Anything at all?”

He shook his head back and forth before dropping his head back against the pillow behind him, his eyes closing as he spoke. “Just had a rough night is all.”

She wondered if he was mad at her for not being there for him. She felt guilty for not staying with him all night, but unfortunately the teen had taken precedent, although she knew Ariel would’ve understood. 

“I’m sorry.” She reached up with her other hand to brush back some of his unruly hair and she felt him shiver under her touch. The monitor beside his bed told her that his fever was still high, and while it wasn’t nearly as concerning as it had been yesterday, she knew that he had to still be feeling pretty crummy. 

When he leaned his head into her touch she continued her movements, her fingers scratching at his scalp softly. His eyes stayed closed for a few minutes as she continued her massage of his head, and she could feel him relaxing under her touch. She wished that she could get him out of this damn hospital bed and home with her. That way she could keep a watchful eye on him and the teen. She hated that they both seemed to be suffering and she felt useless, divided between the two people she loved the most. She wondered if this was how Ethan felt when both she and Ariel were laid up after the outbreak.

“Look Leanne,” His soft words broke her out of her thoughts and she shifted her gaze back to his face, offering him a soft smile as he continued, “about yesterday…”

“It’s fine Ethan.” She said with a soft chuckle. She hoped that she could just laugh off that awkward conversation. She just wanted to pretend like it never happened. “You were a little loopy. It’s no big deal.”

“I know.” He whispered, opening his eyes and locking them with hers. “But I can tell it made you uncomfortable, especially since I said it in front of Jesse.” He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes again, his hand flexing under the weight of hers. “It was incredibly inappropriate and I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine Ethan, really.” She squeezed his hand gently with her left hand, her right moving to cup his cheek gently. She smoothed her thumb over his growing stubble and she felt him shiver once more from her touch. “Besides, I’m a big girl.” She nudged his shoulder gently with the hand that had been on his cheek and when he opened his eyes she gave him a soft smile. “I can handle a joke.”

She watched as he rolled his eyes gently, shaking his head back and forth as his gaze moved to the ceiling above him. He let out a sigh before bringing his attention back to her. “It wasn’t a joke Leanne.”

“Excuse me?” Her voice cracked with her question and she pulled away from him slightly, stopping when he gripped her hand tighter in his own.

“I might have been a little loopy,” He gave her a soft look, his eyes glistening under what could have very possibly been tears, “but I meant what I said.”

“Please Ethan.” She tried to pull away once more, not wanting to have this conversation right here. Not right now. She wasn’t strong enough for this. “Please don’t do this.”

“No Leanne. I meant it.” He shifted a little in the bed, moving to sit up some more as he focused his eyes on hers. He reached forward with his other hand to grip her chin, but she fought against his grip. She didn’t want to look at him right now. “I’m attracted to you and I want you, in more ways than one.” He tugged gently, finally breaking her of her stance, and when her eyes connected with his once more she let out a sigh at the softness behind them. “And I’ve definitely thought about you being on top of me, on more than one occasion.”

“You… what?” She couldn’t believe what the man was saying. _He was downright insane._

“Yes Leanne.” He offered quietly, his thumb stroking along her smooth cheek as he tried to tug her closer. She wondered what exactly Jesse had been putting in the man’s IV.

“You and me?” She gestured back and forth between the two of them as she spoke. She couldn’t wrap her head around what he was saying to her.

“Yes Leanne, you and me.” Ethan’s tone was soft, though she could hear his frustration at her stubbornness.

“But… you can’t.” And she was right. He couldn’t. He couldn’t possibly care about her like that. It didn’t make any sense. Of all the woman in the world. Of all the woman at Angels. And he seemed to be attracted to her. _Bullshit._

“Why not?” And there he was, calling her out on her bullshit like always. She knew she wasn’t going to get out of this conversation without talking to him. She knew she would never walk away from him without finishing this.

“Because I’m a 40 something woman carrying more baggage than a 747.” There, she said it. The cold hard truth. There was no way in the world that he could argue with that logic.

“I like you Leanne.” He whispered, his fingers massaging against the back of her head much like she had done to him earlier. She hated that he was making this happen. She hated that he was breaking her. “And your baggage.”

“No Ethan. You don’t know…” She had to make him see that this was a ridiculous idea. That he was crazy. She needed him to realize how much better off he was without her.

“I don’t need to know Leanne. I don’t see any of that when I look at you. None of it.” _Well dammit, there he goes being charming again._ She wanted to slap him for knowing just what to say to make her feel better. Instead, she pulled back from him some, moving to stand.

“Then you need your eyes checked.” She started pacing the room and she heard him let out a sigh at her frantic movement.

“No I don’t.” He replied quietly. He reached out for her again, grabbing a hold of her hands and pulling her back down next to him. She wondered when he had gotten his strength back because fifteen minutes ago he looked like he could barely lift a finger, much less practically drag her back to bed. “Do you wanna know what I see when I look at you?”

“Enlighten me Ethan.” She wanted him to humor her.

“I see a beautiful woman who has been through so much and yet still has the capacity to love. I don’t see your baggage.” His hand returned to her cheek and the gentle way that he held her in place made her heart race. “And I certainly don’t see your age.”

“You’re so full of shit.” She spat out. 

“Try me.” He spat back.

“Ethan, I don’t think you realize…” She was really, really tired of this conversation. She just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and forget that the past 24 hours had ever happened.

“Realize what Leanne?” His question was so soft that she barely heard it, but when she snapped her eyes up to meet his she was met with a look that broke her in two.

“What I’ve been through.” She choked out, the tears behind her eyelids starting to break free.

“You think I can’t see it?” He used his thumb to brush away her tears as he spoke and she dropped her head downward, not wanting to look him in the eyes as she fell apart. “I’ve seen the pain in your eyes. I’ve heard snippets about your past from the others. And I know that you’ll tell me in your own time, when you’re ready.”

“It’s not that simple Ethan.” She whispered. And it wasn’t. Her past, everything that had happened to her. There was nothing simple about it. And she couldn’t bare to share it with anyone. Not even him. And she doubted that he wanted to be a part of it. Not once he realized just what kind of person she was.

“You’re not the only one carrying baggage Leanne.” His words broke her heart, and when she looked back up the pain behind his eyes mirrored the pain she was feeling inside. 

“But I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve someone as perfect as you.” She reached forward to run her fingers along the chain of dog tags, trying to calm herself as she fought to speak.

“I’m anything but perfect.” He whispered, his forehead dropping forward against hers. He kept his hand against her cheek as he moved, and she wondered if he was going to be stupid enough to try and kiss her. Instead, he kept his position against her, his thumb brushing at her tears gently.

“Well you are to me. The way you take care of patients. The way you love Ariel. And you ask for nothing in return.” She choked back her words, her sobs increasing as she thought of how incredible the man before her really was. “You’re the definition of perfect Ethan.”

“Well see Leanne, that’s how I see you.” He whispered, his forehead lifting off of hers so that he could press a kiss to her forehead. She felt herself slowly starting to fall and it was killing her. She couldn’t stand that he was having this affect on her. “All your flaws, all your heart breaks and your tears, they’re what make you, you.” He offered her a soft smile as he spoke, and he dropped his forehead back down to hers with his final words. “And you have the gentlest soul of anyone I’ve ever met.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” She huffed out. And it was true. Whether he was her best-friend or not. He didn’t know anything about the monster that she was. About all the stuff that she had done, everything that she had been through.

“I know enough to know that I like you. A lot.” She doubted those feelings would stick around once he learned who she really was. “And that I have feelings for you that go beyond just being your friend.”

“Buuut…” She wanted to argue with him. _My God, how she wanted to argue with him._ She wanted him to stop being so sweet and tempting. She wanted him to shut up.

“But nothing Leanne. I want to know all the things about you that you keep saying I don’t.” He locked his eyes on hers as he spoke, and she felt a shiver run through her body at the emotion she saw in his gray orbs. “All your secrets, all your stories. I want to know them. I want to help you heal.”

“Just stop Ethan.” She pushed away from him this time, pulling her head out of his grasp as she leaned back, scooting herself away from him on the bed.

He let out a huff as he dropped his head backward, closing his eyes under the pressure. “You can come up with all the excuses in the world Leanne, but nothing will change how I feel about you.”

“You just wait.” She whispered, and she had no idea what she was telling him to wait for.

“I could say the same thing about myself.” Apparently he did though.

“I’m a monster.” Her voice quivered as she ran a hand through her hair. 

“And you don’t think I’m not?” He growled, sitting up slightly in the bed. His eyes were dark when he opened them again, and she saw a rawness to them that she had never witnessed before. It was scary, heartbreaking even, and she couldn’t help but reach out for him again.

“You’re not Ethan. Nothing about you is.” Her whisper did little to calm either one of them, but when her hand made contact with his cheek once more she watched as his resolve faded and he sank back against the mattress. She knew he had to be tired after all of this. She sure as hell was.

“People have called me that, and worse. I’ve been called a traitor, a killer. You name it.” She barely heard his words, but they hit her hard nonetheless. She couldn’t believe that people would ever say those things about him. He was the gentlest person she’d ever met. Soldier or not.

“But you would never…” She moved her fingers back to his head, scratching lightly behind his ear. She let a soft smile come over her face when he relaxed into her touch, his head leaning back against her palm.

“Depends on who you ask.” He whispered a minute later. His eyes were closed and she could tell that his body was fighting to stay awake after the stress of their conversation. “The fog of war is a scary place to be. People will do and say whatever it takes just to survive.”

“That’s not who you are.” Her hand stilled against his head as she heard him let out a huff.

“And it’s not who you are either.” He opened his eyes to look at her softly, his hand going out to take a hold of hers. “See Leanne, this works both ways.”

“You don’t understand.” Her words were so soft that she wondered for a second if she had even spoken them out loud, but then he squeezed her hand and responded in the softest of tones.

“Then help me. Tell me what I need to know Leanne. Show me how to make this better.” His eyes were pleading with her from where his head rested against the pillow and she felt something shatter inside her.

“You can’t make this better Ethan.” She said harshly, pulling away from him with a growl. “You can’t fix me.”

“Let me try.” He reached for her once more, and the pain in his eyes made her want to curl up in his arms and cry out all her worries. “Please Leanne… I….”

But he didn’t get to finish his thought before her pager went off, indicating that she was needed in Center Stage. She gave Ethan a solemn look before rising from her spot on his bed without a word. She walked out of the door with her head hung downward, doing her best to ignore his pleas for her to return to him. She couldn’t do this. He didn’t deserve this. He deserved so much better. So much more than she could give him. And it broke her heart in two.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter is rough and for that I apologize. But there are some tiiiiny sweet moments within all the fighting. (Please don’t kill me, I need the angst for the good of the story! I promise!)  
> **There’s also slight spoilers for season 3, but nothing you shouldn’t know from the episode descriptions.

Ethan had been released the following day after they all decided that there wasn’t much else they could do for him other than monitor him. His fever had dropped to below 100.5 and he was holding down food and water. He also hadn’t complained of any pain since that first night, and while he was still completely exhausted looking, there wasn’t much else wrong with him. Leanne had offered to drive him home, but he had muttered something about Noa already agreeing to do so, and he had shouldered past her in the hallway to go find the young girl.

He had texted her later that night, asking if he could see Ariel the following day, and she had immediately agreed. Telling him that he could call the girl and work out their plans, that she was still up working on her homework downstairs. She had tried to listen in on the conversation while she washed a load of clothes, but Ariel had snuck upstairs once she realized who was calling. 

When she had gotten to work the following day she was shocked to see Ethan there. He had bags under his eyes and he was still slightly paler than she would’ve liked, but when he said that Campbell approved him being there, well she realized that she probably shouldn’t start a fight over nothing, so she kept her mouth shut. The shift that they then handled was a rough one. Lots of bodies, lots of chaos, lots of noise. She had watched Ethan retreat into the break room with a few hours left to spare and he never exited. She heard Mario say something about him leaving a little while later. Something about a headache that wouldn’t go away and blurry vision. She prayed that he had found someone to drive him home so that he would at least make it there safe.

That night though, Leanne was surprised when Ethan didn’t come by the house like he had previously planned. He had been spending a lot of time with Ariel lately, for which she was extremely thankful, and they had made plans to hang out after the teen had gotten out of school that afternoon. But when 3:30pm rolled around, he was nowhere in sight. She had called and texted multiple times, but she received no answer. She could tell that Ariel was disappointed, though she knew the girl would never come right out and say it.

When she saw him at work the next day she had tried to ask him about it. But he blew her off. Telling her that it wasn’t any of her business where he was or what he was doing. She told him that it was her business because it involved her kid. That had been the start of first of many fights.

In fact, they spent the next two months at each other’s throats and she wasn’t entirely sure why. For some reason, ever since their chat, ever since she had walked away from him in a total huff in his hospital room, he hadn’t been able to stand being anywhere near her it seemed. He had stopped coming around the house, choosing to pick Ariel up straight from school and dropping her off quickly, all of their communication being done through texts between each other, rather than including Leanne in their conversation. He had even stopped being her right hand in Center Stage. 

She could normally count on him to always have her back. To always be there to calm her nerves and relax her chaotic soul. But yet, he was often nowhere to be found these days. Instead, it seemed that he had taken to spending the majority of his time on ride alongs with that new paramedic, Rox. And Leanne hated it. It’s not that she was jealous per say, but she couldn’t stand that he was now spending all his time being someone else’s partner. She hated the way they joked with each other, the way that she always seemed to know what Ethan was thinking. And when Leanne brought that up to Ethan one night after he had dropped Ariel off, well he had lost his mind. Screaming at her about how it was none of her business who he was friends with. How she gave up that right when she walked out on him.

After their screaming match in the driveway died out, she had sulked inside only to find Ariel crying hysterically on the couch. The poor girl had heard everything and it broke Leanne’s heart knowing that she was suffering. She hated that they fought in front of her. It wasn’t fair to any of them. And when Ethan had told her just that a few days later she yelled back at him about how it wasn’t his problem. How Ariel wasn’t his so it didn’t much matter what he thought about how this was affecting her. He had screamed back at her that maybe she was better off with him instead. Leanne had slapped him right there in the middle of her office and she would never forget the look that came across his face. She told him that she hated him. And then she stormed past him and out the door, again.

She knew it wouldn’t be fair to either of them for her to cut off contact between the two. And really, how would she even manage that? She relied on Ethan’s help with the girl far too much to take on the responsibility all alone. She felt like she was living in a constant nightmare. Like she was going through a divorce, fighting over a child that wasn’t even theirs.

They had also fought about his slight decline in health a lot too. She knew that he was trying to act like everything was fine. She knew he was trying to hide it from everyone. But she saw right through him, whether he liked it or not. She noticed how he moved slower than before. How his eyes never seemed to quite focus. How his hands would shake from time to time. She had gone to Campbell about it, which had just caused yet another fight. And when he screamed at her that it was yet again none of her business she had finally had enough. She told him that it was indeed her business because he was her best-friend and if something was medically wrong with him than she needed to know. As a doctor it was her job to make him better. As his friend it was her right. She hated that he wouldn’t let her help him through whatever was going on. She hated that he didn’t trust her anymore. 

He had even continued going on those ridiculous ride alongs, doing everything in his power to get away from her it seemed. Leanne swore that every single one he went on got worse and worse. They were dangerous, and she couldn’t help but hold her breath every time she heard that he was out there. She wondered when it would finally be enough to scare him out of doing it. She wondered if he thought about the consequences of his behavior. She wondered if he even cared.

They had gotten into another screaming match that morning. This time, while Ariel waited outside in his car, and Leanne was thankful that the young girl hadn’t had to hear them this time.

“Leanne you don’t understand!” His voice was loud and Leanne could tell by the way that his fists clenched at his sides that he was losing his patience with this conversation. “It’s my job!”

“It’s not your job to go out there and get shot at Ethan! This isn’t Afghanistan! You’re not there anymore!” She screamed back, her trembling hands running through her hair. “Why do you insist on putting yourself at risk like that still?”

Ethan let out a growl as he slammed his palm against the door frame. “Why the fuck do you insist on caring now Leanne?!” His words were like a dagger to her heart. “You’ve never cared before. You’ve done nothing but push me away these past few months and I don’t deserve it! I’ve done nothing but try to help you. And you’ve shut me out, over and over and over again! Why do you all of a sudden care what happens to me?”

“Because what would I tell Ariel if you got hurt Ethan?” She felt her voice falter at her words and she did her best to choke back a sob. “She’s already lost one father. What do I do for her if she loses another?”

“So that’s what this is about huh?” He waved his hands wildly in front of him and if Leanne didn’t know any better she’d think that he was going to hit her. But she knew he wasn’t that type of man, no matter how angry he got. “This is about Ariel?”

She simply nodded her head, a sob escaping her lips as she thought about the teen sitting outside. She couldn’t handle it if she had to be the one to tell her that Ethan had passed away. She had barely been able to do it three years ago when her real father died. She couldn’t fathom doing it again.

“That makes no sense and you know it Leanne!” His tone was scary and she could see a darkness in his eyes that made her body tremble. She had never been scared of him before, but he was working his war toward it now. “This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you. You’re the one being a coward here Leanne! You’re the one so afraid of your own damn feelings that you’re willing to make yourself miserable just to keep from confronting them! It’s stupid! This whole thing is stupid!”

She wanted to speak up. She wanted to tell him to shut up. To get out. That he wasn’t allowed to speak to her like that in her own house. But he was right. And it was killing her. He was beyond right in fact, and she hated that he knew her so intimately that he was able to decipher her feelings, even when she couldn’t quite decipher them herself. She let a sob escape and she watched as all the tension drained from his shoulders as he eyed her from across the room.

“Leanne…” He reached for her this time, his feet closing the space between them quickly. She hadn’t realized that she could so easily diffuse an argument, just with a simple sob. “Honey, look at me.”

The term of endearment that slipped from his lips hit her in places she didn’t know still existed and she let another sob out as she stepped into his open arms, her face falling against his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist tightly. She felt him pull her in close, his lips dropping a kiss to her head as she cried softly against his t-shirt. _This was officially the worst morning ever._

“I’m sorry.” He whispered against her hair, his hands stilling their movements on her back as she pulled back slightly, dropping his forehead to rest against hers. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” She barely found the words, and they didn’t seem to do her feelings justice, but they were all she could manage.

“It’s just what I have to do Leanne.” His words tore through her heart again and she swallowed as she tucked herself back against his chest. “I know it sucks and I know you hate it. But it’s what I have to do. It’s who I am. I can’t just sit back and watch it.”

“But why not?” She whispered her question, her tears soaking through his shirt as she tried to put her thoughts into words. “Why can’t you just come back to Angels like before? What if something bad happens to you out there? Do you not care what happens? Do you not care what that would do to us?”

She heard him sniffle against her head as he wrapped his arms around her tighter, squeezing her against his chest as he spoke. “You know that’s not true Leanne. You know there’s no one in this world that I care about more than you and Ariel.” He dropped a kiss against her ear, his words causing her heart to flip-flop. “But I can’t just sit around and stop living my life for a maybe.”

Another sob escaped her lips and she pushed away from him, her eyes boring into his with an anger she didn’t know she could posses. “A maybe?! That’s all we are to you?!”

“No Leanne!” He pulled back fully, his hands going to run through his hair with a sigh. “You are so much more to me than that. But…”

“But what?” She shouted back, her anger from earlier returning. How dare he say that they were just a maybe. How dare he say that they weren’t worth staying safe for.

“But it was you who made that call Leanne.” His words were soft, but shaky, and she could see the pain in his eyes. “You’re the one who has better things to do than to to try and be with me. You’re the one who pushed me away. Over and over and over again. You’re the one who made that decision. Not me. Not Ariel. You.”

“Get out!” She shouted, her hands going out in front of her to try and push him away. “Get out!”

She watched as he hung his head again, his eyes filling with tears as he spoke. “I’m sorry Leanne.” And with that he was gone. He turned and left the house without another word, and when she heard his car pull out of the driveway she felt her knees go weak. She dropped herself to the floor, her head falling back against the kitchen counter as the tears took over her body. She couldn’t believe this. This was all her fault, and they both knew it. _Fuck._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *More angst, and more fighting, and poor Ariel getting caught in the middle once again.  
> **Also, a little jealous Leanne for good measure.

Later that day she had been working on treating a young patient, a kid with a broken arm, when she had heard over the radio that Ethan was out another ride-along, Rox by his side as always, and she had panicked. She had a bad feeling about this. A really bad feeling. And when he had called her in a panic, she wondered if maybe he had the same bad feeling as her.

“Leanne please…” His voice was shaky and she could hear what sounded like gun fire in the background. She closed at her eyes at the thought. _This morning just kept getting worse and worse._ “Just tell Ariel that I love her.”

“You make it sound like you’re going to die Ethan.” She choked out, the tears streaming down her face with her words. _Why was he doing this to her? Why now?_

“You worry too much Leanne.” Ethan’s voice was whispered over the line. 

“Yes well you’re the one constantly finding danger Ethan.” She growled back. She didn’t care if he was trying to be discreet on his end. Her only worry right now was him. And the fact that it sounded like he was back in a war zone again.

“It’s not like I go looking for it.” His voice was rough and she could hear his anger in his words. She had struck a nerve. _Good._

“Well it sure doesn’t seem like you’re doing anything to try and avoid it.” She shouted back. She pulled the phone away from her ear and slammed her finger on the ‘end call’ button faster than she could think. 

She knew instantly that she regretted that choice. She wanted nothing more than to call him back and tell him that she loved him and that she knew that Ariel did too and that they both needed him to come back to them. But when she hit the button to redial his number there was nothing but silence. She almost heard her heart break.

—

That phone call had been over four hours ago and Leanne had spent the entire morning with shaky hands and bated breath. When Jesse had called her out of her office a little after two in the afternoon, telling her that she had a patient who requested her specifically, she had huffed at him, grumbling about having work to do. He had told her that she needed to take this one.

When she had pushed the curtain aside a few minutes later she was shocked to see Ethan sitting on the bed in front of her. He was covered in blood and his hair was a mess. He was without his CCCRP jacket and his right arm was resting in a sling. She felt the air catch in her throat at the sight in front him. _He’s alive._ Was all she could think. That was all she was worried about right now. That he was alive, and sitting in front of her. _Thank God._

She stepped forward and grabbed a cloth from the small tray by his bed. Moving towards him with hesitant feet. She couldn’t believe he was here. She wondered for a brief moment if he was as thankful to be sitting here as she was to have him here. She guessed probably not by the way he was squirming on the table. He never was a good patient.

“What the hell were you thinking?” She whispered softly as she wiped the blood from his forehead. She had yet to find a source of all the blood on his face and she was starting to panic.

“It’s not my blood Leanne.” He whispered back, his free arm reaching up to stop the movement of her hand. “Stop Leanne... Stop.”

“Ethan you need to be taken care of.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. But when he gripped her elbow and locked his eyes with hers, she stopped her movements. 

“I’m fine Leanne, it’s just a scratch.” His voice was soft and it sent chills down her spine. It had been a horrible day. Their fight this morning had gotten her off on the wrong foot. And the phone call he’d made to her in the field had just amplified her angst.

She paused for a moment and took a deep breath before she continued her ministrations. She heard him exhale as he dropped his hand from around her elbow and when he flinched as she rubbed the damp cloth over his neck she felt her heart tighten in her chest. “I think I found the source of some of that blood.”

He huffed, but there were no words. And she knew she had screwed up. Ethan was never silent, not unless something was really bugging him. Not unless he was really upset. She knew she must have crossed a line somewhere. But she had no idea where to even begin. Pulling the blood covered rag away from his neck she inspected the laceration closely, her hands moving out to still his head as he tried to flinch away from her.

“You need stitches.” Her voice was calm and when she noticed that the cut extended farther behind his ear than she would’ve liked she applied more pressure to his chin, tilting his head upward. “And a head CT. I don’t like the placement of this cut.”

“Just send a resident in here to stitch me up so I can get going. I have a shift to finish.” The harshness in his words made her eyes water, but she knew better than to break down here.

“I can stitch it up Ethan. I’m perfectly capable.” She fought hard to control her tears as she pulled away from him, eyeing his fidgety movements as she reached to get supplies. 

“Never said you weren’t.” He snapped back. “Just figured you had better things to do.”

“Ethan...” She let out a huff. _Leave it to him to bring this up now._ She was really hoping that they could just forget about the whole conversation from this morning. “You know that’s not what I meant by that.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” He whispered. When she turned around he had risen from the bed and grabbed his jacket, struggling to get his free arm in without disrupting the sling on his other.

“Where are you going?” She couldn’t believe it. This was just like him to get up and leave in the middle of a talk.

“To see if Rox can stitch me up. I gotta get going.” His tone was dry and she couldn’t help but notice the way he was trying to dig at her. He knew that Rox was a touchy subject. 

“Yeah you’d like that wouldn’t you?” She snapped back, tossing the items in her hand onto the tray she had just taken them from. “I’m sure you’d like it if Rox did a lot of things for you.”

“I told you we’re just friends!” He yelled, his jacket falling to the ground by his feet after his fourth attempt to put it on failed.

“Well it seems that she thinks otherwise.” She yelled back, her fists balling up at her sides. She so wasn’t in the mood for this shit.

“Why? Because she’s nice to me? Because we joke around?” He dragged his good hand through his hair as his eyes bore into hers. “We’re friends Leanne. That’s what friends do. We were friends once too remember?!”

“Screw you Ethan!” She turned to storm out the curtain behind her when she stopped in her tracks at the sight in front of her.

“I heard on the news that someone was hurt...” Ariel’s voice was soft and shaky and Leanne could see her hands shaking from their spot clutched around her backpack strap. “I tried calling but...”

Leanne heard Ethan let out a breath. They had been fighting so much lately and poor Ariel had been witness to it more times than they both cared to admit. They had tried to keep her out of this. _Clearly they weren’t doing a very good job._

“Ariel, sweetie, everything’s fine.” Reaching forward she tried to comfort the girl but she pulled back, her tear filled eyes refusing to meet either one of theirs. 

“I’m just gonna go...” Her whisper tore a hole through Leanne’s already breaking heart. She hated that they were having an affect on her. She hated that they had become those ‘parents’.

“Ariel please...” Ethan’s voice called after her but she was gone, her small frame retreating down the hall without another word.

Leanne turned back toward Ethan just as he stormed past her, his eyes searching the busy hospital floor for someone as he went. She watched as he stopped in front of someone and then there were hands on his shoulders and he was bowing his head. She choked back a sob. But then she saw it. It wasn’t just anyone that he ran to. It was Rox. And that sob turned to a gag as she turned her whole body away from the sight in front of her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I am not a Rox fan, however, someone needed to knock some sense into Leanne’s head, and who better than the woman she’s so jealous of.  
> **Also, the angst is real here guys.

Leanne had spent the rest of the afternoon walking on eggshells around everyone at Angels, even Jesse, and she was terrified that they were each going to ask her about her fight with Ethan. She knew that they had all heard it. She wasn’t stupid. But luckily, no one brought it up, not even Jesse, and for that she was thankful. 

She had tried calling Ethan several times that afternoon, and she had even texted him several times that night, asking him to come over. Telling him that she needed to see him. That she and Ariel were worried. But she got no reply. In fact, she got nothing. And she felt her stomach churn deep down inside. She wondered if he was with Rox. _That would be just fucking dandy wouldn’t it?_

She barely slept that night, tossing and turning in her bed, the thought of him with that woman plaguing her dreams. She had finally gotten up after a few hours of restlessness, and had tried texting him once more. Again, no answer. She felt like her heart might just stop beating right then and there. After kissing Ariel’s head and telling her that she could sleep in if she wanted, she had left for work without another word. She knew that the only way she would be able to get through the days ahead was to stay distracted. And what better place to distract her than Angels?

She had just finished depositing her items in her locker when she heard the door to the small room shut, and then lock. Panic took over instantly and she got ready to try and make a break for it when she saw Rox leaning against the row of lockers by the door, her arms crossed over her chest, her brown eyes shooting daggers in Leanne’s direction. She had no idea what this was about, but she was nervous.

“It’s amazing to me how badly you treat him and yet he still wants to be with you.” Her words were low, but harsh, and it took Leanne a minute to recognize what she was talking about it. “I don’t get it.”

“Excuse me?” Leanne asked quietly. _What business of hers was it what she and Ethan were going through?_

“And for the record Leanne,” The other woman leaned forward from her place against the lockers and offered her a solemn look. “I don’t want to be with him.”

Leanne shook her head back and forth. _What was this crazy woman talking about?_ “I’m confused. What are we talking about?”

“Ethan.” She said sharply. “We’re talking about Ethan.”

“And what does that have to do with me?” Leanne really didn’t understand where this conversation was going.

“He told me that you think we’re sleeping together.” Her words were matter of fact and Leanne did a double take at the brunette in front of her. _He said what?_ “Which we’re not, by the way.”

“And why should I believe you?” Not that she knew why she cared if they were sleeping together. Ethan was a grown man. He could do whatever he wanted, with whoever he wanted.

“Because I’m gay Leanne.” The words caused Leanne to blink several times. So they weren’t doing the nasty? “He’s not exactly my type.”

Leanne let a breath go that she hadn’t been aware she was holding and she eyed the woman curiously. “But you two seem so close…”

“Well he’s a great guy, and he’s a great friend. I don’t have to be attracted to him to see that.” She replied and Leanne suddenly felt like the world’s biggest idiot for even implying that the two of them were a thing. She wondered if Rox would tell Ethan about this conversation. She could only imagine how hilarious he would find it.

“So you’re not…” Leanne gestured back and forth and she wondered why she couldn’t just get the words out. She was a grown woman for fuck’s sake. She should be able to ask another woman if she was sleeping with her best-friend. _It really shouldn’t be that hard._

“No Leanne.” Rox let out a chuckle and Leanne was thankful the woman wasn’t making this any more awkward than it already was. “We’re not sleeping together. He’s like a brother to me.”

“Oh. Okay.” She said softly, her eyes falling to the floor in front of her. She felt like a child who had accused an adult of doing something wrong. She felt like a first rate asshole.

“I do know that he loves you and Ariel deeply though. He cares about you both more than anything in this world.” The other woman’s words caused Leanne to bring her face back up, her eyes catching those of the paramedic across from her. “It’s all he talks about. You and Ariel? That’s all I ever hear about.”

“He loves Ariel so much.” She whispered. She knew that much. She would never in a million years doubt his love for the teen. “She’s lucky to have him.”

“He loves you both Leanne.” She said softly, and Leanne wondered when this woman had gone from being her mortal enemy to something almost akin to a friend. “And you’re both lucky to have him.”

She shook her head back and worth at the other woman’s words. After all of things that she had said to Ethan over the past few weeks. After everything that she had done to him. There was no way that he still felt that way about her. She doubted that he even did in the first place. Rox must have false information.

“I just wish that you could see that.” Rox’s words brought her out of her thoughts and she felt her heart tighten in her chest at the next words out of the younger woman’s mouth. “I hate seeing him so upset because of what’s going on between you two. Because of what’s been said and done. Or rather, not said and done.”

“It’s not that simple.” Leanne’s words were quiet and she moved to sit down on the bench in front of her locker. She felt her body getting weaker by the second. She was already so mentally and emotionally drained, and this conversation was doing little to ease her worries.

“It’s only as simple, or rather, as difficult as you make it Leanne.” Rox’s words hit her like a freight train. _The woman had a point._

“I’m damaged goods.” She whispered, twisting her hands in her lap as she spoke.

“Ethan doesn’t seem to think so. Isn’t that all that matters?” Her question sent Leanne’s mind reeling. _Was that all that mattered?_

“He deserves better.” Her voice was starting to fail her and she was doing her best not to let her tears fall. The last thing she needed was to cry in front of this stranger.

“Regardless of whether or not that’s true, it’s not what he wants Leanne.” Rox leaned forward and placed a hand on Leanne’s shoulder. She was silently thankful for the woman’s support. “I don’t think it’s what you want either.”

“You don’t understand.” She chanced a look up at the other woman. “You don’t know what I’ve been through.”

“Maybe not Leanne.” She moved to sit down next to her, her hand still on her shoulder as she spoke. “But I know what Ethan’s been through. Some of it at least.” Leanne turned her head to look at her and when she caught sight of the pain in Rox’s eyes she wondered just how much of his soul Ethan had bared to this strange woman. It almost made her angry, knowing that he had confided in the new girl before her. “I know that he needs someone who can help him carry some of his burden too.”

Leanne choked back a sob. Ethan had never once made mention of his demons to her. Other than their conversation a few months ago after she found him collapsed in the break room. She didn’t know what he was dealing with. What monsters he was battling. But Rox sure seemed to know, and it killed her.

“I also know,” She chanced another look sideways at her co-worker as the girl spoke, “that if you keep pushing him away, eventually, he’ll stop coming back to you.” Her words made Leanne’s heart clench in her chest. “Think of what that would do to Ariel.”

Letting out a soft sob Leanne hung her head, her eyes closing tightly against the tears that were still threatening to fall. “I would never tell him that he couldn’t see her. I would never do that.”

“That’s not what I mean Leanne.” Rox squeezed her shoulder gently as she continued. “Think about it. What’s keeping him here right now? What’s stopping him from going back to Afghanistan?”

“The Army.” Leanne’s answer was matter of fact. She knew that the Army had sent him here as punishment for something. She knew that they didn’t want him back in the field again. She was thankful for that. Thankful that he was stuck with them for the time being. “They sent him here. They told him he couldn’t go back.”

“Leanne.” Rox removed her hand from her shoulder and reached down to take one of her trembling hands in her own. “He received clearance to re-deploy three months ago.” Those words caused Leanne’s breath to catch in her chest. “He stayed because of you two. Because of his girls. You’re what’s keeping him here right now.”

“His…” Leanne couldn’t make words form in her throat. She couldn’t speak. She felt like someone had just stabbed her in the heart. “His girls?”

Rox let out a soft chuckle as she squeezed Leanne’s hand gently. “That’s what he calls you and Ariel. You should hear the way he talks about you two. Never shuts up about how amazing and perfect his family is.” Another chuckle and Leanne chanced another look up at the woman. “Hell, he had me convinced for the first few weeks that you were his wife and that Ariel was his daughter. Mario set me straight one night when I asked about y’all by accident.”

Leanne couldn’t hold back her tears any longer and she shook her head back and forth softly as she spoke. “I had no idea he cared so much.”

“I figured as much.” She felt her squeeze her hand again and she was thankful for the support, as awkward as it was. “But if you keep pushing him away. If you keep shutting him out. He won’t hesitate to leave Leanne. He’s done it before. He’ll do it again. He’s got to protect his heart, and if he has to leave to do it, well he’s already told me he’s thought about it.”

Another stab to the heart. And this time, they were twisting the knife. “He wants to leave?” She choked out.

“No. But he won’t keep being pushed away.” Rox’s next words were soft and Leanne couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat as the young paramedic spoke to her like she actually knew her. “He doesn’t want you to be alone again Leanne. He doesn’t want Ariel to lose another father.”

She choked back another sob as she reached her hands up to rub over her face. She couldn’t believe this. She couldn’t believe Ethan had actually thought about leaving them. He had never told her that. He had never even made so much as a mention to his desire to go back to the Middle East. Not after the visit from General Hutchins almost a year and a half ago. And certainly not since Ariel had come into their lives. She didn’t understand why he would want to go away like that.

“Look Leanne,” Rox’s voice brought her out of her thoughts and she dropped her hands to her lap as she eyed her through her tear-filled eyes. “Ethan’s been through a lot, and he’s hurting, bad. His heart is breaking and he’s having a hard time knowing which way is up right now. I know he’s doing a good job of hiding it, but he’s in a lot of pain, and he needs you. Both of you.”

“He’s never told me any of this.” Leanne said softly. She couldn’t believe it. She hoped that she wasn’t the source of his pain and anger. She hoped that she wasn’t the reason he was losing his way.

“Have you ever asked?” Rox’s question was soft, yet slightly harsh, and Leanne couldn’t blame her. She was looking out for her friend. She was thankful for that.

“No.” She shook her head back and forth at her reply. “I’ve never thought to. He seems so strong and fearless. I figured he didn’t need me.” Another sob left her body and she felt Rox’s hand return to it’s spot on her shoulder as she spoke.

“He definitely needs you Leanne. More than you’ll probably ever know.” She squeezed softly as she stood from her position on the bench. Her eyes shifting downward toward Leanne as she spoke. “But if you don’t let him know soon. If you don’t let him in… Well I wouldn’t be surprised if he left.”

And with that the woman was gone. Almost as quick as she had come. And Leanne almost wondered if their conversation had actually happened. She dropped her head into her hands with a sigh as she replayed the younger woman’s words over and over again in her head. She couldn’t believe Ethan was falling apart. He was always so strong for her and Ariel. She had no idea that he was suffering too. She felt like the world’s worst best-friend for not noticing his pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know this has been a bumpy ride so far, but here’s a little hurt/comfort for your liking.

Leanne left the hospital that night feeling more defeated than she had when she walked in. Even though her conversation with Rox had been rather, enlightening, it had only brought new anxieties to the surface. She used to be worried about Ethan taking up with Rox instead of her. Now she was more worried that he’d get on a plane in the middle of the night and never come back.

She had tried texting him several times that afternoon but he never answered. And when she called, it went straight to voicemail. Either something was very wrong, or he was ignoring her. She didn’t like the way either option made her feel. By the time she had made it home she had already played out every horrible scenario possible in the back of her head. She prayed that none of them were true. She prayed that he’d turned his phone off, or that it died because he’d spent hours playing games on it again. She couldn’t handle it if he was hurt, or worse, dead.

Making her way into the silent house she was thankful that it appeared that Ariel had already turned in for the night. Despite her love for the teen, their relationship had been on the rocks since her and Ethan had started fighting. She really just wanted some peace and quiet. Maybe a warm bubble bath? A glass of wine and a rerun of her favorite cooking show would surely cure her shitty mood.

But when she entered her bedroom the air left her body and her legs forgot how to function. Because the sight in front of her was the last thing she ever expected to see. Ethan was curled up on his right side facing her. His head nestled against her pillow and he had pulled the covers up to his chin. She could see the drool on his bottom lip and the way his mouth was turned into a slight pout in his sleep made her knees weak. She didn’t know why he was here. Or why he was in her bed looking like he hadn’t slept in days. But it took her a good ten minutes of staring at his sleeping body before she could finally move herself forward. Making her way toward the bed she stopped when she heard a soft voice from the hall behind her.

“He’s been there all night.” She could hear the sleepy tone of Ariel’s voice and she wondered if the girl had been to bed herself yet.

“Why?” Leanne turned her attention from his sleeping body to that of the yawning teen.

“Don’t know.” Ariel shrugged her shoulders as she ran her fingers through her hair. “He looks rough though. Didn’t sound too great either.”

Letting out a sigh Leanne turned her attention back toward her bed, her hand reaching out to brush some of his hair off his face. She had hated at first that he had started to grow it out ever so slightly, but now, well right now it made him look like a small child, and she was okay with that. He never was one to be openly vulnerable, seeing him in this state was both refreshing and terrifying.

“Was he acting okay?” She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead, feeling for any sign of a fever, but there wasn’t one. She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. The last thing she needed right now was a repeat of what happened a few months ago. Putting Ethan back in the hospital might be the final straw for them both.

“He was real quiet.” Ariel leaned against the door frame as she spoke, her head falling against the wall as she watched them intently. “Said his head wasn’t in a good place. Whatever that means.” She shrugged her shoulders again and Leanne wondered just how much of this whole situation the girl actually understood.

“How long has he been asleep?” Her question was whispered as she did her best to slide the blanket down, wanting to get a look at his neck without waking him.

“Two hours I guess.” Another shrug and another yawn and Leanne felt bad. The girl obviously needed to sleep but it appeared as though she may have been keeping watch over the man. “He ordered us pizza. We watched a movie while we ate. Then the next thing I knew he was passed out in here.”

Leanne got ready to speak when a muffled whimper came from the man in front of her. She’d never heard Ethan make a noise like that before. It scared her more than she wanted to admit.

“He’s been doing that a lot too.” Ariel’s voice was barely audible and Leanne could tell without looking that the girl was crying. She knew that the teen loved Ethan like her own father, she had admitted it to her before, and she could only imagine how hard it was to watch him suffer like that. She knew it was breaking her own heart in two.

“Why don’t you get some sleep honey?” Leanne turned to face her once more and offered her the most reassuring look she could manage. “I’ll stay with him now.”

Ariel nodded her head softly before pushing herself up off of the door frame. Leanne watched as she slowly made her way back down the hallway, closing her bedroom door behind her as she went. 

“Ethan...” She ran her fingers gently over his cheek and up into his hair. Scratching lightly in a way that she knew relaxed him. His body stilled at her movements but he let out another whimper as his head turned from side to side under her touch.

“Stop! No!” His words were harsh but quiet and Leanne could see his eyes fluttering under his closed lids rapidly. She continued her massaging movement against his skull, praying that he would wake up from whatever was plaguing him and realize that she was with him. “Noooo.”

Leanne’s hurt broke at his strangled cry and she squeezed her eyes shut tight as she leaned her head forward, resting her forehead against his temple, her lips right above his ear.

“Shhh Ethan. It’s okay.” She whispered softly, her fingers curling and uncurling around his unruly hair. “I’m here Ethan. It’s okay.”

Another muffled cry and then she felt his hand gripping her arm and his breaths becoming rapid as he woke up suddenly from whatever nightmare he was having. She pulled back slightly, as not to invade his space, but left her right hand against the back of his skull, her fingers still lightly scratching at his scalp.

“Leanne...?” His voice was so soft that she barely heard him but when her eyes met his something inside her broke.

“Hey.” She whispered back softly, she offered him a small smile, her fingers moving to run across the top of his head, smoothing back some of his hair.

“Where...” She watched as he looked around the room trying to get his bearings. She wondered if he even knew he was at her house and not his.

“You’re safe Ethan.” She figured going with safety was more important than location at this point and she watched as he closed his eyes shut tight, exhaling as he did so.

“Not there?” She didn’t know what he was talking about. _Not where? Was she doing something wrong? Was he really that out of it?_

“You’re safe Ethan.” She repeated back to him, her fingers trailing along his stubble covered cheek once more. “You’re here. With me. And Ariel. You’re safe.”

She watched as his eyes popped open quickly as he searched the room for something, or someone. “Where is she?”

“Ariel?” She watched as he struggled to sit up and she really wished that he would just calm down. He was making her more and more anxious by the second. She didn’t understand what was going on.

“Where is she?” This time his question was loud, almost as if he was shouting at her, and she backed away as he crawled past her and out of the bed. 

“She’s in her room Ethan.” He practically jumped up, his bare feet hitting the hard wood with a soft thud. She watched as he made his way down the hall quickly, his still injured arm cradled against his chest.

“Ethan...” Leanne followed him quietly. She figured that Ariel was asleep and she really didn’t want him waking her, no matter how distressed he was.

Ethan opened the teen’s bedroom door slowly, his eyes shifting around the room until they settled on whatever he was looking for. She watched as his whole body relaxed with the breath of air that he let out, his body slouching against the door frame.

She stopped in the space next to him and her eyes settled on the girl in front of them. She was curled up in the middle of her bed, her covers tucked around her tightly, her expression soft as sleep overcame her. She didn’t understand Ethan’s fear, but she did understand his relief in knowing the girl was indeed safe.

“Ethan...” She risked reaching out for him again, uncertain if he would flinch away from her. Instead he turned into her touch, moving his body so that he could press her against his chest, his one arm wrapping tightly around her shoulders, the other resting lightly on her hip. She had missed being in his arms these past few days.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered against her hair, and while she had no idea what exactly he was sorry for, she would take it. 

“It’s okay Ethan.” She moved her arms around his waist gently, her hands going to flatten themselves against his back.

They stood that way for a few minutes, him sobbing softly against her messy hair. Her eyes closed tightly as her head rested over his heart. She could hear it racing in his chest and it made her sad in all the places she had forgotten about it.

“We can talk if you want.” She chanced a whisper after she heard his sobs calm a bit.

“Not right now.” He whispered, his fingers of his good tangling in her hair as held her tightly to him. “This is all I need right now. Please.”

“Okay.” She whispered back. She smiled softly to herself when she felt him drop a kiss to her hair. God it had been ages since his lips had been anywhere near her body. She didn’t know how badly she had missed him until this moment. _Right here, right now._

“Let’s go back to bed.” She dared to whisper against his shoulder. She pulled back and the image in front of her hit her hard. She had never seen a man look so broken. He didn’t speak, but he did nod his head softly. And he didn’t put up a fight when she took his good hand in hers and walked him down the wall once more.

She watched as he climbed into bed without a word and as much as she wanted to shower and put her pajamas on, she knew that was out of the question right now.

Leaning down Leanne did her best to pull the covers over Ethan’s body. “Give me two minutes.” She whispered against his forehead and when he nodded his response she pressed a kiss to his temple before standing.

After changing into her pajamas faster than she thought possible Leanne emerged from the bathroom praying that Ethan was still awake. Instead, she found that he had flopped over on his back and was snoring softly. _Well that didn’t take long._ She let out a huff when she realized just how tired he must have been to have conked out so easily. Normally it took him a while to settle down and she used to poke fun at how he was a worse bed companion than a toddler.

Switching all the lights off around the room, Leanne quietly made her way toward the big bed. Smiling softly when Ethan curled back up on his side, burrowing himself in the mass of blankets on top of the bed. He looked so peaceful and innocent surrounded by the pile of violet blankets. His brown hair a mess against the white pillow cases. She wished his mind was as peaceful looking as his face.

Leanne crawled into bed slowly, doing her best not to wake the sleeping man next to her. She wanted to crawl closer to him. She wanted to wrap him up in her arms and kiss away his fears. But it wasn’t her place and it wasn’t the time. So instead, she settled for laying beside him, her eyes settling on his sleeping face. She reached forward, running her fingers along his cheek gently. She didn’t know what kind of horrors were hiding behind his closed eyes, but she just wanted to make it stop. She understood better than anyone how cruel nightmares could be and she couldn’t stand the thought of him suffering.

Ethan let out another soft whimper, and Leanne stilled her hand against his cheek, her thumb brushing over the space gently. She hushed him softly, praying that she could offer enough comfort that he’d settle back down. And it must have worked because after a minute or two the noises stopped and she felt his body relax under her touch once more. Closing her eyes she decided to try and sleep some herself. She knew that the morning would come too soon, and with it, a conversation she didn’t know if she was strong enough to have.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There’s finally something other than angst, yay! But be warned, there is also some smut ;)

The next time Leanne woke up she was instantly confused. Not only was it still dark in her bedroom, but she realized that she wasn’t alone in the bed. The sounds of the quiet snores coming from next to her quickly brought her mind back to the events of last night and she took a deep breath when she remembered everything that had happened in the last 48 hours. On top of that, there was also something amiss about the placement of her body parts. _This was definitely not how she had remembered falling asleep. ___

__Not only was she not laying on the opposite side of the bed from Ethan, but rather, she was laying directly in front of him. And she was laying on her right side, her back to him. And he was spooning her. _Yeah, definitely not how she remembered falling asleep.__ _

__And the most absurd part of it all, was that not only was his arm around her waist, but that his hand had somehow snaked its way under her T-shirt and was currently pressed against the bare skin of her stomach. It’s not that she minded the feeling of his skin on hers. In fact, she had many a dream about what it would feel like to have this much intimate contact with the man. However, she wasn’t entirely sure that Ethan was in his right enough mind to be holding her like this. In fact, she doubted that he even knew what he was doing._ _

__She wanted to pull away from him. She wanted to crawl back to the safety of the empty space only a few inches away. But then his head nuzzled against hers sleepily and he nudged his leg between hers and she was instantly wrapped up in the feeling of his warm body against hers. She figured a few more minutes of savoring this moment would be okay. _What could it hurt?__ _

__“You awake?” His soft voice shook her out of her thoughts and she must’ve jumped in his arms because he chuckled slightly, his nose brushing against her loose hair as he tightened his grip around her waist. “I’ll take that as a yes.”_ _

__His voice was slightly humorous and Leanne was thankful that the saddened tone from last night had faded. She couldn’t handle hearing him talk like that. It broke her in places she didn’t even know were whole again._ _

__“Sorry.” She whispered back, her eyes closing as she felt his thumb rub along her belly button. “I thought you were still sleeping.”_ _

__“Hm...” She felt the hum he let out reverberate in his chest and she let her body relax against his a little bit more. “Been awake for a while now.” His words were whispered and she could still hear the sleepiness of his tone. She wondered why he hadn’t gotten up and left yet. Surely he had better things to be doing than laying in bed holding her._ _

__“You stayed?” She felt her voice quiver as she spoke and she hated herself for it. She was supposed to be the strong one here._ _

__“Nowhere else I wanna be.” He whispered, his lips dropping the softest of kisses to her shoulder._ _

__“You’re such a liar.” She whispered back. But somewhere deep down inside she knew that he was telling the truth. There was a part of her that knew that he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to be. There was a part of her that was thankful that he had made the choice to stay. In reality, most of her was glad actually._ _

__He didn’t reply though, just nuzzled his face against her neck once more. He dropped a kiss against the exposed skin and Leanne felt every part of her body ignite. This man should not be able to make her feel this way with a simple kiss. And yet, here he was. Proving to her once again how perfect he was._ _

__“Stop.” She whispered softly before she knew what she was doing. She felt him chuckle against her skin as he dropped another kiss to the area. His fingers that were sprawled against her stomach wriggled slightly and she squirmed under his touch. “Ethan...”_ _

__She tried to drag his name out and sound as malicious as possible, but the way his breath was hitting her neck was making it very very hard to stay mad at him._ _

__“Sorry.” He finally replied to her pleas after having dropped a few more kisses to her flushed skin. He gently removed his hand from under her shirt, bringing it to rest against her hip instead, this time, above the covers._ _

__She let out a soft whimper at the loss of contact but she knew that she needed to be strong. She couldn’t succumb to his seducing right now. Not under the circumstances. Not given what had happened between them lately. She knew that she needed to hold herself together and resist all temptation. She knew what she needed to do, however, what she wanted to do was much different. She wondered which act would have more severe consequences for her._ _

__They laid that way for a while, both silent, their breathing even and relaxed. At one point she had even thought that he had fallen back asleep. But then he shifted behind her some and she heard him let out a low moan as he tried to stretch his arm out some. Her hip felt cold without the weight of his hand against it and she watched as he curled his fingers in and out a few times before dropping his arm back down. His hand slid back under the covers, and right back to its space against her stomach. Except this time, Leanne noted, his hand was much closer to the waist band of her bottoms than it had been before._ _

__“What are you doing Ethan?” Her voice was a shaky whisper as she felt his hand push against the material of her yoga pants. _He wasn’t seriously going to do what she thought he was. Was he?__ _

__“Nothing.” He whispered softly against her ear, his breath warm against her face. His fingers slid below the waistband of her panties next and she felt a shiver come over her. _Yep, he was totally doing it.__ _

__“Ethan stop.” She barely croaked out the words as she felt his fingers run over her curls. _This was a very bad idea.__ _

__His hand stilled and he pulled it out of her underwear, reaching up to grip her chin softly with his fingers. He turned her head just enough so that he could connect eyes with hers and the look she saw on his face did things to her insides. _Was that lust she saw in his eyes?__ _

__“Do you really want me to stop Leanne?” He asked softly, his fingers reaching out to run through her wild bed head. She couldn’t believe this man. He was slowly killing her with how incredibly perfect he continued to be. “Because if you do, I’ll stop. We can go back to sleep and pretend that none of this happened. But that’s not what I want.” He leaned forward, dropping a kiss to her chin as he eyed her hungrily. “And I don’t think it’s what you want either Leanne.”_ _

__She hated him. She hated how incredibly good he felt wrapped around her like this. She hated how incredibly hot he had her already. But more than anything, she hated how incredibly right he was. She didn’t want him to stop. In fact, she didn’t know when the last time was that she wanted something so damn bad. Of course she was attracted to him, how could you not be? And she was so wrapped up in him that she couldn’t think straight. But they were just friends. _Surely it was safer that way, right?__ _

__“Leanne.” His voice was soft and when she brought her eyes back up to his she knew she was a goner._ _

__“It’s okay.” She barely heard herself whisper the words. She felt like some teenager telling her boyfriend that he could feel her up for the first time. Not an almost middle aged woman who had already had plenty of sex in her life. But dammit, this man was doing things to her with just his words that she didn’t think her husband had ever done to her with his entire body. She was officially a lost cause. “You can keep going.”_ _

__They kept their eyes locked for several seconds, a small smile forming on his face as he leaned down, his lips hovering over hers as he whispered. “Yes ma’am.” He kissed her then. Soft and slow at first, but then his tongue was running along her lips as his hand pushed at the hem of her T-shirt. _Well that escalated quickly.__ _

__She heard him moan into the kiss when her fingers threaded through his hair, tugging him closer. She couldn’t believe this was really happening. She had had plenty of dreams about what would happen if they ever got together. But none of them had felt this good._ _

__His lips gently pulled back from hers as his hand found her hip again, rolling her back onto her side, and she whimpered at the loss of his lips against hers. But then his hand was under her shirt again and his palm was flat against her breast and she couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of his skin against hers._ _

__She wanted to protest. She wanted to roll back over and kiss him senseless. She wanted to run her fingers along his body just like he was doing to her. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut tight as his hand made its way back down her stomach and under her panties, not once stopping along the way. She felt a chill run through her body when his hand settled between her legs, his fingers running along her folds slowly._ _

__“Damn.” Was all she clearly heard him whisper against her ear. But she was fairly certain that there was a ‘girl’ at the end of that sentiment. She chose not to ask._ _

__His lips returned to the skin of her neck and she found herself reaching up to grip his bicep as he slid a finger inside her slowly. She let out a moan that she knew was nothing close to lady like. But she honestly didn’t give a damn. She felt him add another finger and she bit down on her lip to keep herself from crying out. She didn’t understand how he was making her feel so good by doing so little._ _

__“Relax Leanne.” He whispered against her shoulder. His teeth grazing the skin there lightly before pressing a kiss on top of the mark. His thumb stroked over her core as he withdrew his fingers slightly, only to slide them back in without warning._ _

__She wanted to make a snappy comeback. Something about how he was the one who needed relaxing. But she didn’t have time to speak before he used his leg to nudge hers apart, causing her to bring one leg up to give him better access. She bit down on her lip again as he twisted his fingers in just the right way. She was going to fall apart right here, right now, and there was no stopping it from happening._ _

__“Let go.” He whispered his words again, and she felt him bury his face against her neck as he thrust his fingers in and out of her a little more quickly. She was going to lose her ever loving mind if he didn’t end this soon._ _

__“Ethan...” She felt her body start to quiver and she knew it wouldn’t be long now. He must’ve sensed it too because he dragged his thumb along her folds, his teeth nipping gently at her pulse point. “Please.” She hated begging. Absolutely hated it. But if that was what it took. Then by God she’d beg this man every night for the rest of her life._ _

__He let out a soft chuckle against her sweat soaked skin as he picked up the pace, twisting and stroking in all the right ways. And when she felt herself start to tighten around his fingers she squeezed her eyes shut hard. Both to keep some control and to keep back the tears. She wasn’t sure which one was more important right now._ _

__“That’s it Leanne.” He whispered soothingly as she felt herself lose what little bit of control she still had left. She turned her head into the pillow in order to muffle out her screams and when he brought her completely over her edge she gripped his arm so tight she was sure that she broke it._ _

__She felt his hand relax between her thighs as his lips dropped kisses along her shoulder. He rolled her over slowly then, bringing them so that they were face to face, his body hovering over hers. He didn’t remove his hand though, and she wanted to curse at him for leaving it so temptingly close to her core._ _

__“You good?” He stroked her again gently with his fingers and she shivered at the feeling. There was no way this was happening. It wasn’t possible by any means that he was going to get her off twice._ _

__She wasn’t able to find the words, so instead she shook her head up and down. And then she shook it back and forth. His chuckle sent another heat wave through her body. He leaned down then, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips as he teased her once more with his fingers. She didn’t know what else to do so she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him as close as possible. She smiled against his lips when he moved to straddle her waist, his knees settling on either side of her hips._ _

__They laid that way for a few minutes, kissing softly, his fingers still dancing against the spot between her legs that was already regaining pleasure. She felt his other hand slide up to push her shirt aside, his fingers trailing along her breast’s slowly. His touch was setting her on fire. _And she couldn’t think of a better way to die.__ _

__“Again?” He whispered lightly against the skin of her chest. He had pulled back from the kisses a few seconds ago and was currently working his way down her sternum. Again, she couldn’t find words so she just shook her head instead. She felt him smile against her collar bone as he tugged at her shirt. When she realized that he was getting nowhere, and that they were both frustrated, she reached down and pulled the shirt over her head herself. The look that came over his eyes when he finally saw her bare chest sent shivers down to her core and back up again._ _

__“Beautiful.” He whispered, his eyes misting as he looked down at her lovingly. She couldn’t remember a man ever looking at her like that. _Not even her husband.__ _

__“Shut up.” She spat back. She didn’t have time for his lies right now. Not when he had slid his finger back inside her and she could feel his erection pressing against her core through the material of their clothes._ _

__Consequences be damned, right now she just wanted him to keep going. Because regardless of what might happen after all of this was said and done. She couldn’t afford to not know what it felt like to have him inside her at least once. Call her selfish, but for once in her life she was going for it. _And if it were anything like the first time, well then it would be damn well worth it.__ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There’s some bad news in this chapter. But first Leanne does some reflecting, and Ethan comforts a sad Ariel. (Please don’t kill me!)
> 
>  
> 
> ****Also, this is probably the last post for a few days. I’m feeling discouraged and have a lot on my mind. And while this story is complete, I just don’t have it in me to keep posting at this current moment. I apologize for the two people who are actually reading this story that I may have let down.**

After they had made love not once, but twice, Leanne had shooed Ethan away with a growl. While very happily exhausted, she knew that her body would be feeling sore in places she’d never thought possible by the time her shift ended later that day. She didn’t even want to know what would happen if Jesse caught wind of why she was moving so slow.

They had retreated to the bathroom and Leanne had done her best to help Ethan not lose his patience while trying to shower. While he obviously had most of the control of his arm back (and she prayed to god she hadn’t just injured it even more during their romping) he was still struggling to manage simple things. He had tried for a good three minutes to try and unscrew the top on the shampoo bottle before giving up with a huff, throwing the item against the shower wall with a curse. She had flinched behind him and if he had noticed, he didn’t comment on the matter, instead he had gotten out of the shower without another word.

She had finished up rather quickly after that and had dried off slowly, trying to bide herself some time before she had to face him. It’s not that she was ashamed of what they had done. It’s that she was afraid that all his words are had been just that, words. And that they held no meaning beyond them being uttered from his perfect lips. She was terrified of what was going to happen now. _Where did this leave them?_ They had officially crossed a line that they couldn’t go back over. But was he just as invested as she was? Or had all of Rox’s pep-talking and all of her tears been for nothing?

After drying off quickly Leanne made her way back out into the bedroom, sighing softly when she saw that Ethan was nowhere in sight. His boxers and sweatpants were gone from their spot by the bed, but his shirt was still draped over the lamp. She figured he probably hadn’t gone far without that. She quietly pulled on a clean pair of underwear and a bra, followed by a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. She was honestly too exhausted to put anymore effort into her appearance and she figured she’d just change into her scrubs at the hospital anyway.

Making her way down the hall she paused outside of Ariel’s room when she noticed the door was open and the girl was nowhere to be found. She let out a soft sigh at the sight of the empty room. Her mind flashing back to a time when the room had been empty for another reason.

She had made it halfway down the stairs when she heard the hushed voice of the teen coming from the small kitchen to her right and she froze in her tracks. She knew it was rude to eavesdrop. Hell, she was telling the teen that exact thing not that long ago. And yet, here she was, her back pressed against the wall of the stairwell, her attention focused on the conversation taking place only a few feet away.

“I didn’t know you got them too.” She heard Ethan’s voice say quietly. “You’ve never said anything.”

“I didn’t want to be anymore of a burden than I already am.” Ariel’s voice was quiet but Leanne could make out the tension in her words. She felt her heart break a little at the teen’s words. _She most definitely was not a burden to anyone._

“Oh kid.” She peered around the corner just in time to see Ethan pull the girl close, his good arm going around her tightly. “You’re not a burden. Not to me. Not to Leanne. Not to anyone.” He whispered, dropping a kiss against her hair. “You hear me?”

She watched as Ariel nodded her head against his chest, her arms wrapping tightly around Ethan’s waist. Leanne’s heart did somersaults at the image in front of her. She’d never seen them be this downright open with each other. And while she knew that they both loved each other, she wasn’t sure that the other knew just how much.

“I try not to let them get to me.” Ariel whispered, her eyes closing as she fought back another round of tears. Leanne wanted nothing more than to pull the young girl into her arms herself, but she knew that she needed to let Ethan take the lead on this one. “I know they’re not real.”

“Doesn’t make them hurt any less.” He whispered against her hair. He ran his hands up and down her back slowly, his lips pressing a kiss to her head as he hushed her softly. If Leanne hadn’t known any better she’d think that Ethan had been doing this his whole life.

“How do you make them stop?” Her question was strained and Leanne could hear the pain in her words. This poor girl had been through so much, and now this, she didn’t understand how life could be so cruel to a child.

“Sometimes you can’t hun.” Ethan’s words were soft as he ran his fingers through her dirty blonde hair. “Sometimes you just have to live with them.”

Ariel let out a hiccuped sob against the man’s shoulder and she tried to snuggle herself even closer. Leanne thought she had never seen a more adorable sight in her life. “How do you get through them then? How do you live with the pain?”

“You just do.” His words were barely audible and Leanne wondered what struck him so quick that almost made him break in two. “You distract yourself. Throw yourself into your work.” _So that’s why he had been going on all those damn ride-alongs. He was trying to distract himself._

“Does it work?” She watched as Ariel pulled back slightly, her hazel eyes looking up at Ethan hopefully.

“Sometimes.” This time, his words were almost harsh, and when he pulled free from the teen’s embrace Leanne almost felt the air leave her body. _What had gotten into him?_

“Ethan…” Ariel reached for him again, but he stepped away from her, his hands going in front of him defensively. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk kid.” He ran his fingers through his messy hair and Leanne couldn’t help but let her body fall back against the wall behind her. She knew those words, and that tone, never meant anything good coming from him.

“Why…?” Ariel’s voice cracked in the middle of the simple word and Leanne watched as she brought her arms to wrap tightly around her stomach, protecting herself from whatever it was that Ethan was going to throw at her.

“I’m leaving.” Was all he said. Three simple little words. And Leanne’s world crumbled around her.

“You’re what?” Her voice was raised a few octaves, and Leanne could see the girls’ hands trembling as she dropped her arms to her side.

“I’m leaving.” He repeated back, he turned to face her once more, his gray eyes full of unshed tears. “I’m going back to Afghanistan.”

 _And there it was._ The sentence that Leanne had been dreading since her chat with Rox a few days ago.

“But…” Ariel fell against the counter next to her, her eyes closing as she tried to catch her bearings. Leanne wanted to run to her. She wanted to save her from all of this. But she couldn’t make herself move. She couldn’t get her legs to function. Instead, she just stood there, frozen, as all hell broke loose before her eyes. “Why? Why would you do that?”

Ethan flinched at the girl’s words and he took a step forward, reaching a hand out to rest against her arm. She pulled free from his grasp almost as quick as he started it. “They said I had a re-deployment option. I took it.”

Leanne watched in horror as Ariel propelled herself forward, her fists landing against the man’s chest repeatedly. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” She shouted over and over again, her fists hitting him with each syllable. She watched as Ethan did nothing to protect himself from the girl, and she almost felt bad for him.

Standing, she quickly ran the rest of the way down the stairs and grabbed the teen by the shoulders, pulling her away from the man in front of her. She turned her quickly, wrapping her arms around her shoulders as she offered her soft words, pressing kisses against her wild hair. She glared at Ethan over the girl’s head and when he dropped his head downward, his eyes meeting with the floor, she felt her heart sink even further. She doubted that he had made this decision recently. She wondered if he was regretting his choices now.

“Leave.” She pointed her finger toward the door as her eyes bore into the top of his head. She watched as he snapped his eyes up to meet hers and he got ready to speak when she cut him off. “Leave Ethan!” She gestured wildly with her one arm, the other still holding the teen in place against her chest. “Now!”

Ethan’s eyes did little to betray his emotions and he choked back a sob as he tried to step closer, but Leanne just moved them a step back. His voice broke through the sound of Ariel’s sobs and it made the girl cry louder. It made Leanne’s tears fall harder as well. “I’m sorry.” Was all he said. And then he was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The angst is strong in this one guys. Like, real strong. And I apologize.  
> **Also, Mario and Noa make their first real appearance :)

Leanne spent the next two hours trying to calm a hysterical Ariel down, and finally, after multiple attempts, she was able to get her to settle down and get some sleep. She had covered her up quietly, turning the lights off in the girls’ room before heading down the hall toward her own. She caught sight of the still messy sheets, her mind going back to how her and Ethan had finally made love for the first time, just a few short hours ago. She couldn’t believe that this had all escalated so quickly. She couldn’t believe that he was leaving them. _Just like that._

Grabbing her phone, she went to text Jesse, only to see that she had several missed calls and texts from Ethan. She didn’t want to talk to him right now. In fact, she didn’t know if she ever wanted to talk to him again. She couldn’t believe that he was tearing their family apart. _And for what?_ A re-deployment. One he didn’t even really want. Had he just signed up for this to get away from her? Was he just trying to get back at her for how much she had been pushing him away lately? She felt like she was going to throw up. Instead, she collapsed against the pile of pillows and blankets and cried herself to sleep.

When she awoke a few hours later the sun was barely shining through the blinds in her bedroom window, and she could hear the sounds of birds chirping in the trees nearby. _Had she slept through the night?_ Surely not, grabbing her phone she checked the time. 7:35pm stared back at her and she let out a breath. She couldn’t imagine if she had slept through her shift. Campbell surely would’ve killed her. Groaning, she opened her phone, seeing that she yet again had about two dozen missed calls and texts, all from Ethan. She ignored every single one of them.

Making her way out of the bed she moved into the bathroom, showering slowly, and dressing with a huff. The last thing she wanted to do was go to work tonight. The last person she wanted to see right now was Ethan. She didn’t know if she could handle being around him right now. Not after everything that had happened. She made her way down the hall as she pulled her hair into a bun, and stopped outside of Ariel’s room, listening for any signs of the teen. There were none, and when Leanne opened the door she noticed that the room was empty. Shrugging her shoulders she made her way downstairs slowly, listening for the sounds of the TV or the radio, knowing that Ariel was probably cooking dinner since she was up. But she was met with nothing but silence.

“Ariel!” She called out frantically. She couldn’t imagine that the teen would’ve left without telling her. There’s no way she would be that irresponsible. “Ariel!” She shouted again. But again, she was met with nothing but silence. 

Running down the stairs the rest of the way she searched the downstairs quickly, only to find the girl was nowhere in sight. Grabbing her phone she called Ariel’s number over and over and over again, but there was no answer. She called Noa next. She knew that her and Ariel were friends, and that sometimes they would hang out together, going to the movies or sharing a meal together. She prayed more than anything that the girl had just run to her for some solace after the morning they had had. 

“Hello?” Noa’s voice sounded soft, and Leanne could’ve sworn she heard a man’s groan in the background. She didn’t even want to know what she had just potentially interrupted.

“Noa, it’s Leanne.” Her words were frantic and her breath was fast. _Surely Noa probably thought she was insane._ “Have you talked to Ariel?”

“No.” Another groan on the other end and she heard Noa whisper something under her breath at her companion. Leanne hoped that Mario didn’t mind her panic, not that she cared much. “Is everything okay?”

“I can’t find her!” She practically screamed the words at the young resident and she instantly regretted it. Noa had done nothing wrong. She heard Mario’s voice mumble something on the other end and then the next thing she knew his was the voice coming over the line back at her.

“What do you mean you can’t find her?” His tone was soft and Leanne was thankful for him being the calm in the chaos right now.

“I woke up from my nap and she was gone.” She was crying now, big, fat tears rolling down her face as she spoke to the young man over the line. “I’ve checked everywhere in the house. I tried calling her. Nothing.”

Mario mumbled something to Noa in the background, then he was back on the line again. “We’re coming over. Keep trying her cell.” And then he hung-up and Leanne was left standing in the middle of her den in silence. She couldn’t believe that Ariel would just up and leave like this. Surely she knew that Leanne would panic. Surely she knew that she would think the worst.

She tried calling her several more times while she waited for the residents to arrive, but she was still met with no response. Sobbing, she dialed Jesse’s number quickly, bringing the phone to her ear as she stared out into the black of night.

“Leanne?” His voice was soft, and quiet, and Leanne was sure that she had probably woken him. She felt horrible.

“She’s gone Jesse.” She sobbed out, her eyes widening when she saw headlights in the driveway. She recognized the truck as Mario’s and she rose from her spot on the couch to open the front door. “Ariel’s gone.”

She heard Jesse let out a sigh on the other end. “I’ll be there in ten.” Was all he said, before hanging up the phone. She dropped it onto the table as she stepped into Noa’s open arms with a sob. 

They stood there on the front porch for a few minutes, her and Noa hugging tightly, Mario rubbing soothing circles on Leanne’s back as he tried to hush them both. She couldn’t believe how horrible this day was going.

“Have you tried calling Ethan?” Noa’s words were whispered as she pulled away from the older woman and Leanne shook her head at her question. “Maybe she went to him.”

“She wouldn’t.” Leanne whispered back. “They had a fight. A bad one.”

Mario just nodded his head in understanding. If there was anyone who knew what kids fighting with their parents felt like, it was him. “I’m sure she’s just at a friend’s house Leanne.” He said softly, offering her his best supportive smile. “Maybe we should try calling them.”

Leanne hadn’t even thought about that. Not that Ariel had many friends to begin with. Something that her and Ethan had desperately tried to break the teen off. Sometimes she could be reserved and quiet, they both feared that she would get lonely without friends. Although Ariel didn’t seem to mind. 

Stepping back inside, Noa and Mario not far behind, she grabbed her phone off the table and started dialing the numbers of the few friends that Ariel had hung out with before. She had always made sure to have their numbers, and the numbers of their parents, just in case something happened. She had never been more thankful for that decision in that very moment.

She had just finished making her last call, none of Ariel’s friends or their parents had seen or talked to her all day, when she saw Jesse pull into the driveway. She practically ran down the steps to him. _She couldn’t remember a time when she had needed her best-friend so much._ Throwing her arms around his neck as soon as he exited the vehicle she cried against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. He offered her soothing hushes, his hands rubbing up and down her back slowly, and she heard the front door open as Mario and Noa made their way outside as well.

“We’re gonna find her.” The man whispered against her head. “She’s gonna be okay.” She couldn’t find the words, so she simply nodded her head against her shoulder, squeezing him tightly as he rubbed circles against her back. “Have you called Ethan yet?”

She shook her head ‘no’. She didn’t understand why everyone was so concerned with her calling Ethan. He had made it pretty damn clear that he didn’t care about either one of them earlier today. But then she remembered that her friends weren’t aware of the Colonel’s decisions to re-deploy. She felt her heart break inside her chest once more.

“No.” She whispered, pulling away from Jesse to wipe the tears off her cheeks with her hand. “He doesn’t care what happens to us.”

Jesse let out a snort as he gripped her shoulders firmly. “Bullshit.” He spat out, and when her eyes widened at his words he squeezed both of her arms gently. “If there’s anyone in this world who loves that girl as much as you, it’s him.” She shook her head back and forth quickly. There was no way that she was going to believe that line of bullshit. “Call him Leanne. If you don’t, one of us will.”

She knew that there was a truth to Jesse’s words there. She knew that if she didn’t do it, one of the three of them would. And she could only imagine how that would go over. She swallowed hard, offering Jesse a pointed look, before stepping free of his grasp. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and made her way toward the porch. Plopping down on the swing at the end, she dialed his number quickly, closing her eyes at the sound of the ring on the other end.

She tried him three times before she finally got frustrated, shooting him an angry text instead. This time when she called, he answered, and she held her breath at the sound of his voice on the other end.

“Leanne…” His voice sounded hollow, quiet and dead almost. She felt her heart tighten in her chest. She mumbled something, she wasn’t even really sure what, and when she heard him sigh on the other end she guessed that maybe it didn’t make any sense to him either. She took a deep breath, her eyes locking with Jesse’s from across the porch as she spoke.

“It’s Ariel.” She said softly. She stood as she spoke, the desire to move the only thing keeping her calm right now. She felt Mario reach his hand out, gripping her shoulder gently.

“What happened?” His voice was still super groggy and she rolled her eyes at his tone. She couldn’t believe he wasn’t more panicked.

“Ariel’s missing Ethan!” She screamed the words into the phone as the tears fell from her eyes. She felt Mario’s hand move to her back, trying to comfort her. She wondered if he knew that he wasn’t doing a very good job. “She’s missing! So wake your ass up and help me find her!”

“Missing?” His voice was strained and Leanne wanted to reach through the phone and slap him. _Had he not been listening to her for the past five minutes? Had he not understood a single word that she had said to him?_

“Yes Ethan!” She screamed again, and the look on Noa’s face said she might have gone too far. “Our daughter is missing and you’re off doing God knows what, with God knows who!” She heard Mario choke back a sound behind her, she wondered why no one seemed to be on her side in this whole thing. “I need you here and you’re not here and I can’t do this alone!”

“Leanne... I’m not...” But she didn’t let him finish his words before she started yelling at him again, her voice carrying over the line harshly.

“This is all your fault Ethan.” She watched as Jesse stepped forward to grip her arm tightly but she pulled away, sticking her hand up to warn him to stand back. “If you hadn’t told her you were leaving... If you hadn’t broken her heart in two...” She choked back a sob and she thought that maybe she was the one who was hurting more. “She would still be here right now.” And then she broke. She felt her legs give way beneath her and she was thankful that Mario hadn’t left her side like she previously wanted him too. She couldn’t breath and she could feel her airway closing. She watched as Noa reached forward, grabbing the phone from her hand before it had the chance to hit the floor. She heard Ethan’s panicked voice shouting her name on the other end. But then everything went quiet, and then everything went black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Again, the angst is super strong in this one. But Daddy!Ethan is kind of adorable, so I couldn’t help myself. Also… I’m sorry!

The next thing Leanne knew she was laying down, a blanket having been thrown over her body. She could tell by the cushioning by her head that she must’ve been on her couch. But when she tried to open her eyes she felt like her head was being split open. She didn’t remember her head hurting this bad earlier in the evening. _Guess that was stress for you._

She could hear talking down the hallway, but she couldn’t make out any distinct voices. She wanted this to all just be a dream. She wanted to go back to being curled up in Ethan’s arms earlier that morning. She wanted her daughter to be peacefully sleeping down the hallway once more.

Sitting up some she moved to stand, only to feel a gentle hand on her shoulder, pushing her body back down against the cushions. She wanted to open her eyes to see who it was, but again, a blinding pain shot through her.

“Easy there babe.” Ethan. She’d know that voice anywhere. She felt the tears fall from her eyes before she could even fathom what was going on. _Why was he? Why was he sitting with her in a mostly dark room? Why was he using terms of endearment with her after she chewed him out?_

“Ethan?” She felt her voice crack as she spoke. She closed her eyes shut tight as another wave of pain hit her.

“Yeah.” His voice was whispered, and she felt his hands on her face. They were cold, and they felt good pressed against her flushed skin.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, trying once more to sit up. This time, he allowed her to move some, using his hands to help steady her as she swung her legs forward.

“Where else should I be?” His question almost sounded harsh, and then she remembered the words that she had spoken to him earlier and she realized that she deserved every nasty thing he had to say to her.

She chanced at opening her eyes again, and this time she was able too. Her brown met his gray and she realized that he was seated mere inches from her. She felt her breath catch in her throat at his closeness. _All she wanted to do was crawl into his arms._

She got ready to speak when he pulled her to him roughly, his arms going around her as he lifted her into his lap, his hands tangling in her hair as her head settled against his chest. She wanted to push him off. She wanted to tell him to stop. But then she felt his tears hot against her skin and she wrapped her arms around him in return.

“I’m scared Ethan.” She whispered against the material of his hoodie. She could taste her tears as she spoke and she clung to him even tighter.

“I know baby.” He whispered against her hair, his nose nuzzling it’s way across the crown of her head. She felt him drop a kiss to her temple as he smoothed some of her hair back from her forehead, his words breaking her right down to her very core. “I am too.”

“What do we do Ethan?” She felt her voice quiver as she spoke and she tucked herself as close to his chest as possible. She never wanted to leave his arms ever again.

“We find her.” He whispered against her head before pressing another kiss to her temple. “Tell me what happened. From the beginning.”

Pulling back from him a bit she rubbed at her tear filled eyes with her hand. She sniffled, her eyes shifting up to meet his as she spoke. “It took me a few hours to calm her down after you left.” _You mean, after you kicked him out Leanne?_ She sighed to herself. She never should’ve done that. “She finally fell asleep, so I figured that I should do the same. When I woke up a few hours later she was gone.”

“You tried calling and texting?” Part of her wanted to slap him for his question. _Of course she did!_ “What about her friends? Those girl’s from the soccer team she’s always talking about?”

“We tried both.” She sniffled again, dropping her head down to stare at the ground below her feet. “We called everyone we could think of. I even called people from Angels. Elliot, Eloise. Hell I even called Campbell. No one’s seen her. They haven’t even heard from her.”

“Shh.” Ethan pulled her against him once more, his hands returning to their spots on her back and head. He rubbed soothing circles against the material of her shirt with one hand while the other tangled in her messy curls. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She wondered if he had seen this coming. If he knew that his actions would do this to them. A small part of her hoped that he felt guilty.

They sat that way for a few more minutes. She heard the others milling around in the background and at one point she could’ve sworn that she even heard Campbell’s voice from the kitchen. She didn’t know when the man had arrived, but she was suddenly glad that he was there. They all joined the pair in the living room eventually, sitting around quietly as they prayed for a phone to ring. Anyone’s phone. Just as long as it was Ariel. And she was calling to tell them that she was safe.

“Do you think she would’ve gone home?” Ethan’s question was soft and it broke through the silence like a knife. She snapped her eyes up to meet his as she replied.

“This is her home Ethan.” She growled her words out and she hoped that he could sense her frustration. _Why was he acting like he had no clue what she was talking about._

“No Leanne.” He reached forward, his fingers running down the side of her tear stained cheek as he spoke. “Home, home. Where she lived before here.”

“Minnesota?” _The man was crazy_ , she hoped he knew that.

“No.” He shook his head back and forth slowly as he closed his eyes. “Her old home. Where she lived with her parents. Before her dad died, before everything that happened.” He opened his eyes as he let out a breath, eying her softly. “Would she go there?”

“I don’t know.” Leanne’s voice was barely audible, but when she felt Ethan squeeze her hip she knew she had to be on to something. “I... I don’t even know where that is.”

“Well then we find out.” He pulled away from her then. Reaching out to pull his cellphone from his pocket. He dialed a number quickly as he made his way out onto the porch. She watched him with tired eyes as he spoke with whomever was on the other end. When he hung up a few minutes later he rushed back inside, a small glimmer of hope in his otherwise haunted eyes. “I got an address.”

She jumped to her feet, moving to throw on some shoes as she followed him out the door. She heard Jesse holler after them as they made their way to Ethan’s truck, she just waved him off, climbing into the passenger seat and shutting the door. _God she hoped this worked._

About thirty minutes later she felt Ethan turn the car down a small side road. She looked around, expecting to see a subdivision, maybe a few small houses at the end of the quiet block. But she was met with nothing but darkness. She felt her heart stop beating in her chest.

“There’s nothing here.” She whispered quietly. She felt Ethan’s hand grip hers from across the space between them as he cut the engine.

“Let’s go look.” He exited the vehicle without another sound, making his way around to her side of the car. He opened her door, extending his hand to her as she stepped down. He tucked her against his side as they stood in silence for a moment, letting their eyes adjust to the darkness around them.

“Ariel.” She called softly, her eyes searching the cleared out space for the teen. She caught sight of what looked like the girl, sitting cross legged in the empty field before them and she felt her legs take off before she even knew what she was doing. “Ariel!”

The girl’s head snapped up at her words and she jumped up, running to throw herself into Leanne’s open arms. Leanne squeezed her tightly against her, her hands going to her head to pull her back gently, her eyes giving her a once over to make sure that she was okay. When she was satisfied with the girl’s physical state she pulled her back toward her chest, dropping kiss after kiss against her temple. She heard Ethan make his way toward them silently. She knew that he wanted to hold the girl just as much as she did, but she knew that he would never take her from her.

After a few minutes, Ariel pulled back, eyeing them both softly as she wiped at her tears with her shirt sleeve. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, her arms shaking as she reached for Ethan next. Leanne watched as she stepped around and fell into the man’s arms with a sob. She wrapped her arms around herself as she watched the exchange in front of her. 

“It’s okay honey.” He whispered against her hair. “Just please never do that to us again.” His words were so soft and Leanne could see the tenderness in his eyes. If she had ever doubted that he loved the girl before now, well she had been a goddamn fool.

“I won’t, I promise.” Ariel pulled back once more, her eyes glistening in the moon light as she fought to keep another round of tears from falling.

“Why here Ariel?” Leanne didn’t even know what she was asking, or why, but she heard her words before she knew what she was saying.

“This was home.” Ariel looked around the empty space with sad eyes, her arms shaking as she wrapped them around her trembling body. “Once.”

Ethan snapped his eyes to hers and they both swallowed back a sob. She had been running home this whole time. They were supposed to be her home. Leanne felt like the biggest failure. She couldn’t believe that they had let her down like this.

“I haven’t felt whole in a while now.” Her words sent a shiver down Leanne’s spine. “I just wanted to go somewhere where I remembered what that felt like.” She sniffled, her eyes turning to glance at the adults in front of her. “But when I got here, there was nothing. I’ve been feeling so alone, so empty, I just wanted to feel like I was home again.” Another sniffled, followed by a sob and Leanne watched as Ethan reached for her, but she shrugged away. “Don’t.” She put out a hand defensively, warding the man off with a harsh tone.

“Ariel, honey.” Ethan reached for her once more and she shoved him away this time. Leanne could see the pain in his eyes at her rejection. “You’re not alone. You hear me? You’ll never be alone again.”

“Bullshit.” The teen snapped back. Normally Leanne would’ve fussed at her for bad language, but she figured that was the least of her worries right now. “You can’t promise me that. Neither one of you can.” She jabbed a finger at Ethan’s chest, her tears falling hard once more. “You’re leaving me. Leaving us. What happens if you die over there? What happens if we never see you again?!” She shouted her last question at the man and Leanne felt her heart break. She hadn’t even thought about that possibility after hearing that Ethan was leaving. She didn’t want to think about it.

“It doesn’t matter Ariel.” He tried once more to pull the girl close but she slapped him against the chest and stepped backward, putting a few more feet between them. “You’ll always have Leanne. And Jesse. And Mario and Noa. They’re always going to be here for you. You’ll always have them.”

“But it’s not the same!” She shouted, and Leanne watched as her body gave out and she hit the dirt. She wrapped her arms around herself once more as she rocked back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Ariel… please…” Ethan stepped forward, falling to his knees in front of her. 

“No!” She shouted back. “It’s not fair! I don’t want you to go!” She screamed so loud that Leanne feared someone might hear them and come investigate. But then she remembered that they were quite literally in the middle of nowhere, so she figured they were safe.

“Please baby, talk to me.” Ethan’s words were soft and soothing and Leanne felt her knees give way too as she dropped down beside the trembling teen, taking her in her arms as she tried to soothe her.

“No!” Ariel’s eyes snapped up to meet his, the anger in them scaring them all. “If you leave…” She hesitated as she took a breath, her tears falling faster than ever before. “If you go over there.” She swallowed, her eyes widening as they bore into his. “You’re dead to me!”

“Ariel…” She watched as Ethan fell to the ground, his knees giving out from under him. He reached forward for them both but Ariel screamed back at him. 

“I hope you never come home!” She shouted, her body trembling in Leanne’s arms. “I hope you die over there! I hate you!”

Leanne watched as Ethan’s entire body crumbled, his sobs becoming unbearable. She wanted to go to him. But the girl in her arms was her priority right now, whether he liked it or not.

“Ariel, honey, please.” He whispered his pleas at her, his hands reaching forward once more. “It’s not my choice.”

“It was your choice a few days ago!” She shouted back.

“They’re called orders for a reason Ariel.” He huffed, his head dropping as he struggled to catch his breath. Leanne reached a shaky hand forward, brushing back some of his hair from his forehead. She hated that this was physically destroying them now. “I have to go.”

“I don’t care!” Ariel screamed once more. “I hate you!” And with that she turned into Leanne’s embrace, clinging to her tightly without another word.

They sat that way for a while, each sobbing to themselves. Leanne tried to offer comfort for them both, but Ariel was tangled around her in a way that made her support of Ethan impossible. She wondered if the teen was doing it on purpose. She honestly wouldn’t blame if she was.

After a while she watched as Ethan rose from his spot in front of them. His hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “I’ll be in the truck.” And with that he was gone.

She sat there holding Ariel for a few more minutes. Her fingers running through the girl’s hair as she offered her soft hushes and gentle kisses. When she felt Ariel finally let out a shaky breath, her tears having all been cried out, she risked a look down at the girl. The sight in front of her was heart breaking.

“Let’s go home okay baby?” Leanne’s words were quiet, and she wondered for a second if Ariel had even heard them. But then she nodded her head against her shoulder and pulled back from her some, moving to stand. They supported each other as they silently made their way back to Ethan’s truck. Leanne watched as Ariel climbed into the backseat quietly, and she decided to join her, knowing that her comfort was still needed. She tried to catch Ethan’s eyes in the rear view mirror, but he kept them focused on the road the whole way home.

When they had finally made it back to Leanne’s place she was thankful to see that only Jesse’s car remained in the driveway. She wasn’t entirely ready to deal with the rest of the group yet. She doubted Ariel and Ethan were either. 

After Ethan put the truck in park she helped Ariel out, her arm wrapping around her shoulders tightly as she escorted her toward the door. The teen caught sight of Jesse at the top of the steps and ran forward, throwing herself in the Puerto Rican’s open arms. Leanne watched as Jesse moved her inside quietly, giving her and Ethan some much needed alone tine.

Turning, she was frustrated to see that Ethan was still sitting behind the wheel, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as his eyes stayed staring straight ahead. 

“Come inside Ethan.” She whispered, her feet moving her to stand beside his door without a second thought.

“No.” Was all he said, his fingers turning white as she gripped the object in his hands. “I know where I’m not wanted” He spat, his eyes darting toward her harshly.

“Ethan please…” She pleaded with him, reaching forward to rest her hand on his arm. She could feel him trembling under her touch and she felt another round of tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“No Leanne.” He reached down, putting the truck back in gear as he turned his eyes back in front of him.

“We need you Ethan.” She choked out. “No matter what Ariel said. She needs you.” She felt another sob tear through her body when he didn’t respond. He didn’t even so much as flinch. “I need you.”

“You two will be fine without me.” And with that he shot her once glance, his foot releasing from the break slowly as she stepped aside. She watched with soaked eyes as he backed out of the driveway, his truck tearing off down the street without another word.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Here’s a short but sweet one in which Ethan says goodbye to one of his girls. Also, Leanne does some reflecting on some plans they had once made.

A few days had passed without so much as a word from Ethan. Leanne had gone back to work on Monday, after taking Campbell’s advice to stay home with the teen over the weekend, and when she had walked into Center Stage that night there was no sign of him. Angus whispered something about him cleaning out his locker that morning. His belongings leaving here in a duffle bag as the Colonel left without so much as a ‘goodbye’ to his friends. She could tell that she wasn’t the only one hurting by this news. She could tell they were all feeling the weight of him leaving deep down inside. She had tried texting him that night, and had even given him a call in the early hours, but he never answered.

That’s why she was completely surprised to find him sitting on her front steps when she got home from work that morning. He was in his uniform, which only meant one thing. _He was really leaving them. And he was doing it now._ She had quietly parked the car and turned the engine off, her eyes filling with tears as she climbed out slowly. She made her way to him with shaky hands and she watched as he stood up, his body going rigid in front of her.

“Hi.” She didn’t even recognize the croak that escaped her throat, she bet he probably didn’t either.

“Hi.” His voice was low and he was refusing to meet her eyes. She could tell he was shaking, despite how strong he was trying to remain. She wanted nothing more than to pull him into her arms.

“So… you’re…” She gestured up toward him, her hand falling back to her side when she realized just how unsteady she really was. She choked back a sob when his eyes lifted up to meet hers. He looked haunted. Haunted in a way that she had never seen. She felt her tears hit her cheeks as he stepped forward.

“I couldn’t leave without saying ‘goodbye’.” He reached for her then, pulling her against his chest with trembling arms. She felt his lips against her head and she wrapped her arms around him in return, pulling him as close to her as possible.

“Thank you.” She whispered against the collar of his uniform. She didn’t know what she would do if he had left without telling them. She couldn’t fathom how much that would hurt.

He simply nodded his head against hers and she felt him sob in her arms. She squeezed him even tighter before pulling back slightly, her hands going to his cheeks. He was clean shaven, a look she didn’t much like, and she missed the feeling of his rough whiskers beneath her fingers. Gripping his cheeks in her palms she pulled his head down to hers, her lips brushing against his softly as his hands stilled themselves on her hips. This was too perfect of a moment to pass up. _If only it weren’t happening because he was about to go off to war._

She pulled back slightly when she heard the door open behind them, her eyes connecting with Ariel’s over Ethan’s shoulders. She offered her a sympathetic look as she used one hand to gesture for the young girl to join them. Instead, she shook her head roughly, her sad eyes boring into the back of Ethan’s head.

“She’s not coming out is she?” Ethan’s question sent chills down her spine and she pulled her attention back to him. His sad eyes made her let out another sob and she kissed him once more, drowning out her gasp of pain against his soft lips.

The next time she pulled back the girl was gone. The door having been closed once more. She gripped Ethan’s cheeks gently as she spoke, hoping that she could offer him some sort of comfort with her words. “She loves you Ethan. That’s why this is so hard for her.”

He simply nodded his head, his hand going up to brush back his tears. He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her as he stepped back, picking his duffle bag up off the ground. “Will you give this to her?” He asked quietly, his glossy eyes meeting hers as he placed the item in her hand. “When you think she needs it the most.”

Leanne just sobbed as she took the envelope in her hands. She couldn’t believe this was it. She couldn’t believe that the last two years had finally come to a close. That he was leaving her. She never thought that this would happen. _Never in a million years._

She nodded her head as he stepped around her, his free hand dropping to her cheek as he pulled her in for one more deep kiss. He dropped his forehead against hers as he spoke and his words caused her heart to shatter into a thousand pieces. “I love you. Both of you. More than anything in this world.” He sobbed, his hand shaking against her cheek as he closed his eyes. “This doesn’t change that.” And then he pulled away and made his way down the drive way, climbing into the back of the cab that she never heard pull up. And then was gone. _Just like that._

——

Leanne had stood outside on the sidewalk for a good ten minutes crying softly to herself before she finally gathered up the courage to make her way inside. She shut the door quietly behind her, sliding the envelope that Ethan had handed her into her purse before hanging on the hook by the door. The house was eerily quiet. She hated it.

Making her way upstairs she stopped outside Ariel’s bedroom door, sighing when she heard the sounds of the teen crying on the other side of the door. She wanted to go in and talk to her. She wanted to hold her in her arms and let her cry it all out. But she knew that this was unfortunately something the girl was going to have to get through on her own terms. She knew that. But it didn’t stop her from hating it all the same.

She made her way to her own room and showered quickly, pulling on one of Ethan’s t-shirt before climbing into bed, her eyes filling with tears once more when she realized just how empty she felt knowing that the man wasn’t coming home to them tonight. And not just tonight, but not tomorrow night. Not next week, or even next month. Hell, he probably wouldn’t be coming home to them before the end of the summer. That thought killed her the most. They had made so many plans for Ariel’s first official summer with them. 

Now that she was done dealing with courts and lawyers and judges, they were finally going to be able to relax once the teen was done with school. Leanne had been shocked when Ethan had approached her around Christmas time, asking if he thought that they could take some time off, do something just the three of them. She remembered teasing him. Doing something as a family? She had asked him. He had blushed, but he had ultimately said that that was his goal. They had started talking about it the following weekend.

Ariel had been excited to say the least, and she had started jotting down the names of places that she wanted to see. Leanne had told her to not think too big. Ethan had gone out and bought her book about touring Europe. They hadn’t spoken to each other for a few days after that. Not that she didn’t want to see Europe herself. In fact, she hadn’t been out of California since she was in grade school. And she would’ve loved the change of scenery. But she didn’t want Ethan to get Ariel’s hopes up. There was no way that she could afford something as expensive as Europe.

But then Ethan had come over one night, not long before his collapse in the break room that had started this whole mess, and had told her that he had been talking to a travel agent. She still wondered to this day if that travel agent had been a real person, or just a friend that happened to know a little something about Europe. _Ethan never did clarify that with her._ He said that he would pay for the whole trip if she would indulge him and let him plan the whole thing. They argued for another thirty minutes over the cost. But then he had pulled out a book on Paris, a giant picture of the Eiffel Tower staring back at her, and she was a goner. _He knew just what to say and do to get to her._

She agreed then, on one condition. That they would indeed see the Eiffel Tower. He had smiled up at her and told her that it would be their first stop. She had beamed at him like an idiot for a good five minutes before he told her what else he was planning. She had never seen Ethan so excited for anything in the entire time she’d known him. They decided then to keep it a secret from Ariel. That they would tell her all about the details of the trip at a later date. She had been hesitant at first, but Ethan told her to trust him. So she did. She silently thanked him for making that decision all those months ago. She couldn’t imagine if the girl had known about the trip. She could only imagine that her heart break would grow ten fold.

She felt another round of tears hit her as she thought about all that wasted time and energy they had put into planning that trip. She wondered if Ethan had thought about that when he had taken his re-deployment. She doubted that he would’ve been willing to give up his dream of seeing Greece just for a stupid tour in some war zone. She punched her fist against the closest pillow, a low growl emitting from her lips. She rolled over then, her eyes staring up at the ceiling above her. She just wanted to wake up and find out that this was all a bad dream. 

Closing her eyes, she slowly let sleep take over her, her body relaxing against the mattress. She was almost completely out of it when she felt the bed dip, and she felt Ariel tuck herself against her in the giant bed. Wrapping her arms around the shaking teen, she pulled her close, dropping a kiss to her head as she hushed her softly. They both fall asleep within minutes, clinging to each other tightly in the silence of the house.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Since the last chapter was short, and very very angsty, I figured I’d update once more to make up for it.  
> **Also, the next few chapters are short, but sweet, so I hope that makes up for it.

Two weeks had passed since Ethan had left for Baghdad, and while he hadn’t been able to call or text, Leanne had received an e-mail on her work account from him at two in the morning a few days after his departure.

_Lea,_

_I can’t call or text. Not now. Probably not soon. But I can e-mail. And I might be able to write. I’ll try my best._

_I hope you girls are well. I miss you terribly. This place is horrible. I already want to come home. Please don’t hesitate to tell me what an ass I am at every opportunity. That may be the only way I learn._

_I love you both with all my heart.  
-Ethan_

She had replied back after reading the message a dozen times. She could almost hear his sweet voice, see his soft eyes glimmering at her as he joked. She missed him so much it hurt, and it had only been 72 hours.

_Ethan,_

_Any communication is better than nothing. We’ll take what we can get. We miss you so much. It’s so quiet around the house without you. Please stay safe._

_Miss you,  
-Lea_

_P.S. You are an ass. A very, very big ass. But this certainly is not a lesson I wish you had to learn this way._

She didn’t hear from him again after that. She prayed everything was okay. They had been at dinner one night with the group when Mario assured her that he was probably just getting settled. That he was probably making the rounds and meeting all the important people he was going to piss off. Campbell’s snort from across the table caused them all to laugh, including Ariel. She was thankful that she at least had her friends to carry them through this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Another short but sweet one!

The next day she had worked a double shift, leaving Ariel in the care of a friend from school, the only one she seemed to still keep in touch with, and when she got home there had been two envelopes in the mailbox, both of equal size, both with the same return address on them. She didn’t recognize the handwriting on the outside so she tore hers open as soon as she stepped through the door. The words staring back up at her caused her to fall back against the door with a sob, her other hand flying up to her mouth.

_Leanne,_

_Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. This place is a complete mess and for some reason, they think I’m going to fix it. Can you imagine that? Me? Fixing someone else’s mess? Anyway, I feel bad that I haven’t been able to talk to you, both of you, so I hope these letters find you ladies soon. (I fought with the post office for a good thirty minutes to ensure that this address was correct. It’s almost like these people don’t have their minds being ripped in twenty different directions)._

_I miss you. So much so that it hurts. I toss and turn at night, and I assure you, it has nothing to do with the sounds outside my barrack’s window, and everything to do with the fact that you’re not in my bed with me. Or, well, I guess, it should be the other way around. Either way. It’s lonely sleeping without you._

_I don’t know if Ariel will read her letter, so if she doesn’t just let her know that I love her and that I miss her and that I think about her everyday. There’s a girl who works here that reminds me of her. Got a smart mouth on her too. She’s funny though. Likes to tell jokes in German because she doesn’t think anyone understands them. All the other guys just cackle at her, but me, well we’ve gotten our fair share of arguments (girl’s gotta a dirty mind too). She says her fiancé finds her funny. I guess that’s all that matters right?_

_I’m sorry this isn’t very long, and that my handwriting is probably atrocious, it’s been one hell of a day. I’m gonna try and call soon. I should be able to do so sometime next week. Hopefully you’ll be able to answer. I need to hear your voice._

_I love you.  
-Ethan_

She felt the wind leave her lungs at his words. She was shaking, her tears falling against the letter in her hands and she re-read it about six more times before she was finally calm enough to regroup. Standing, she fished out her phone, dialing Ariel’s number slowly. When the teen picked up she sounded groggy. Leanne figured she must’ve still been sleeping. It was a Saturday after all, and she was sure the girls had stayed up late the night before.

“Leanne…” She dragged out. 

“Hey sweetie.” Her words were whispered and she didn’t know why she was being so quiet. “I just wanted to let you know I was home.”

“Okay.” Ariel said softly, a yawn escaping her lips as she spook. “Megan and I were going to go to the mall later. Is that okay?”

“Absolutely honey.” She smiled softly, she was glad the girl was finding ways to distract herself from the chaos. “Just come home before dinner okay?”

Ariel’s chuckle warmed her heart. “I will.”

“Hey kid?” She whispered back, her eyes falling to the letter in her hand once more.

“Yeah?” The girl’s voice was slightly hesitant and she could practically hear the wheel’s turning in her head.

“You got a letter from Ethan in the mail.” She couldn’t help the smile that came over her face at the words. She was thankful for what little bit she was getting. She hoped the girl was too.

“Will you leave it on the bed?” She almost sounded like she was crying. She hoped she hadn’t upset her, that was never her intention. “I’ll read it tonight.”

“Sure thing love.” Leanne’s words were soft and she slowly made her way upstairs, depositing the letter on the girl’s bed as she spoke. “Have fun with Megan.”

“Thanks.” And then she was gone. And Leanne was met with another wave of silence in the big house. She let out a sigh as she made her way to her own room, dropping her letter from Ethan onto the bed with a huff. _Was it September yet?_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I feel bad that the chapters are so short, so here’s another update :)

She had waited for Ariel to get home and what was really only a few hours, seemed like it took days. She was anxious to see the girl again. To see if she read the letter from Ethan. She was nervous too. The duo hadn’t exactly said “goodbye” before Ethan left, and she was fearful of what might happen when the girl read whatever it was he had to say to her. She was also nervous that Ariel wouldn’t read the letter and that she would have to find a way to explain to Ethan why the girl didn’t write him back. Either way, she was nervous, and when she finally saw Ariel coming up the drive a little before six that evening, she held her breath as the teen walked through the door.

“Leanne.” She called out, dropping her backpack onto the ground by the door. Leanne heard her kick her shoes off as well and then her bare feet were padding down the hallway toward the kitchen. She offered her the best smile she could manage.

“Hi sweetie.” She could tell she was over doing it when Ariel rolled her eyes, reaching to grab a soda from the fridge.

“Hi.” She took a sip of the drink after she opened it, and leaned back against the fridge, eyeing her suspiciously from across the small space. “Is everything okay?”

Leanne shook her head with a soft sigh. She was being ridiculous. Ariel was 13, not 5, she was perfectly capable of handling Ethan and her communication with him however she wanted. She just hoped that Ethan would understand that.

“Yeah Ariel, everything’s fine.” She stood up from her spot at the counter but didn’t move any closer toward the girl.

“Okay.” Ariel’s face said it all, she was officially a little freaked out, and Leanne watched as she turned away from her, heading upstairs quietly. She listened for the sounds of the bedroom door closing, but they never came. She wondered if the girl would mind if she joined her. She hesitated at the bottom of the stairs for a moment just to make sure.

She had gotten ready to head upstairs when her phone rang from across the room and she let out a huff as she moved to answer it. It was Campbell, of course, asking her if she could do him a favor and work a few hours. They were short staffed and it was busy. She reluctantly said ‘yes’ and then shouted up the stairs to Ariel that she’d gone for a few hours. The teen just shouted back an ‘okay’ and that was it. Sighing, she grabbed her purse and her keys and headed out. She guessed she wouldn’t know for another few hours what Ethan had had to say to the girl. _If she had even opened the letter at all._

—

She finally made it back home around three that morning and she let herself into the dark house quietly. Making her way upstairs on auto-pilot, she stopped to glance into Ariel’s room. The teen was curled up on her side with her back to the door, sleeping soundly, and Leanne could make out her quiet snores over the low playing radio in the background. She wondered if the teen had meant to leave it on, her room normally having to be completely silent for her to relax fully. And that’s when she saw it, the envelop from Ethan. The now open, envelope from Ethan. And she stepped forward slowly to pick up the piece of paper off of the desk. The letter fell out on it’s own and Leanne reached down to pick it up, hoping to put it back in it’s place without waking the teen. But when she looked down, it had fallen open. She couldn’t pass up the chance to read it before she never got to see it again.

_Ariel,_

_I hope you’re doing well and that school isn’t treating you too bad. I know this year has been a hard one for you. I also hope that you’re not shutting all of your friends out again. It’s important to keep people around who care about you._

_I know that you probably don’t wanna talk to me right now. Hell, you may never want to talk to me again, and that’s okay. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. And that I love you. And that will never change. No matter how many oceans are between us. No matter what._

_I hope that you’ll read this. And I hope that maybe one day you’ll even write back to me. I miss you terribly. You and Leanne. And I think about you both everyday. I hope that maybe one day you can forgive me._

_Love,  
Ethan_

_P.S. Please make sure you take care of Leanne for me._

She felt a sob escape her lips and she closed her eyes tight, praying that the girl didn’t hear her. She guessed that she didn’t and when she didn’t even so much as flinch, Leanne carefully slid the letter back into it’s envelope and placed it back on the space where it had previously been. Her heart was aching in her chest at Ethan’s words. She knew that Ethan loved the teen with all his heart and it was killing her that they were going through this. She wished that she had a way to make it all better. _She wished she had a way to bring him home to them both._


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just a short little letter from Ethan to Leanne. Be aware of the tears that are likely to form! If I can update again tonight, I will.

Another week passed and Leanne felt like she was living her life in slow motion. Everyday was dragging on and she knew Ariel felt it too. They had never discussed either one of their letters with each other, but Leanne had watched as the girl dropped a letter in the mailbox on Monday morning before leaving for school, and she prayed that she had written back to Ethan. She knew that it would make him so happy. She had written him back too. Telling him to be safe and that she missed him too. It had been short and sweet. She knew he deserved more than that, but right now, she was barely holding on, so that’s what he was going to have to work with.

She had been at work the following Saturday when she got the second letter. This time it was addressed to Angels, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. She had ducked into her office with a fresh cup of coffee to read it, praying that she could have a few minutes of uninterrupted time to see what her favorite Army Colonel was up to.

_Lea,_

_Thanks for writing back to me. I was nervous that you wouldn’t. I know things have been hard lately. Hell, for the past 5 months I feel like we’ve been living in a really bad Lifetime movie. I feel horrible for everything that I’ve put you through. For everything that I’ve said. You didn’t deserve any of it. Neither one of you did._

_I hope things at Angels are going okay. I wrote to Noa too. Asked her about work, but she hasn’t gotten back to me yet. I’m sure she’s probably pretty angry with me too._

_I got a letter from Ariel too. It was short. She said she needs time. That she’s not ready yet. And that’s okay. I’m gonna send her another letter next week. I don’t want to push her, but I don’t wanna let her drift away either. An encouraging word or two from you might do the trick._

_By the way. They’re gonna set me up with an e-mail address. Said I can use it to contact the people at home. Hopefully it’ll be quicker than snail mail. (Though the occasionally letter in the mail is kinda romantic don’t ya think?)_

_Anyway, I’m rambling because there’s so much I wanna say but I don’t know how to say it. So maybe I’ll save that for another time. I’ll try e-mailing you soon. Probably by Monday at the latest. Maybe we can work out a time for a phone call? If I can manage it?_

_I miss you terribly.  
Ethan_

She felt the tears fall from her eyes as she stared down at his words. She knew how incredibly sorry he was for everything that had happened. She could tell in his writing. She could almost feel his pain from all the way across the globe. She hated that they were doing this to each other. She prayed that he would get his e-mail set up, this whole waiting a week to hear from him thing was killing her (although she knew it could be much, much worse).


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just a little fluffy humor between our two love birds :)

A few days later Leanne was sitting at her desk working tirelessly on a pile of charts that she had put off doing yesterday, choosing instead to spend the day with Ariel at the beach. They had invited Noa and Mario along, and Jesse too. They had enjoyed hot dogs on the boardwalk and played Frisbee until it got dark. They had watched the sunset from the back of Mario’s truck. Leanne couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so relaxed, so free. She wished silently that Ethan was there with them. Noa had voiced the same feelings out loud as they drove home that night. _She was glad that she wasn’t the only one missing the man these days._

She heard her computer ding, indicating a new e-mail, and she ignored it at first. She knew that she needed to get these patient charts done, and soon, or Campbell would surely come after her with that proverbial pitchfork of his. But then she remembered what Ethan had said about getting an e-mail address set up. About possibly contacting her Monday afternoon. And she dropped her pen to the floor as she quickly opened her e-mail up. And there it was. His name. She felt her heart stop pounding in her chest for a minute. _Could this be real? Or was it too good to be true?_ She figured there was only one way to find out and she quickly opened up the message.

_Lea,_

_This is just a test. These guys know just as much about computers as I do. Let me know if you get this._

_-E_

She let out a chuckle. Poor man knew absolutely nothing about technology. She remembered when Ariel had tried to explain Instagram to him once. He had fussed over his phone for a good two minutes before he accidentally posted a picture of his shoe. He had given up after that, tossing the object at Ariel and telling her to make it go away. She let out another chuckle at the memory. She was thankful that nobody could take those away from her, no matter what else life threw at her.

_E,_

_I got it. Don’t send me any pictures of your shoes ;)_

_-Lea_

She figured that the inside joke would make him smile, and while she would give anything to see his face light up again, she knew that he probably needed it more than she did. She waited a few minutes to see if he replied back, but there was silence, so she returned to her files. Another forty minutes went by before her computer dinged again. 

_Lea,_

_Ha! Surprisingly, I’m not wearing any shoes right now. One benefit of being in charge. I get my own room ;)_

_I’m glad this works. Hopefully this will be easier. I’m gonna try and send one Ariel’s way too. Will you let her know to keep an eye out for it. Even if she doesn’t respond, at least she’ll be able to reach me if she needs to._

_I hope all is well there. Heard the weather’s been beautiful. It’s been a balmy 85 degrees here all week. Feels more like 105 though if you ask me._

_How’s Angels been? Anyone miss me yet? How about Campbell? He still being a hard ass? I’m gonna send him a message too. Maybe I’ll send a picture of my bare feet._

_I miss you. A lot._

_-E_

She laughed at the image of Campbell opening an e-mail from an official Army address, only to find a picture of Ethan’s bare feet staring back at him. He’d probably lose his mind. He’d probably call and have Ethan shipped back to LA just so that he could kick his ass. She’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. She got ready to write back when Mario came bursting through her office door, screaming about a bunch of buses that were headed their way, fire at a department store or something. She left the message on her screen as she darted out the door behind the resident. It would be another 72 hours before she sat back down behind her computer screen.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne gets a phone call <3

The next three days had flown by and Leanne was beyond exhausted when she had finally collapsed into bed Thursday night. She had been thankful that Ariel was mostly independent enough to have stayed by herself while she was dealing with everything at Angels, and she was looking forward to being able to spend some time with the girl this weekend. She had one more shift to finish up tomorrow, and it was promised to be a short one, and then she was a free woman until Monday night. She had growled at Campbell when he told her that he might have to call her in if they needed help. _She’d be damned if that man was going to ruin her weekend with her daughter._

She had just started to doze off when she heard her phone buzzing on the table beside the bed. She eyed it curiously as she reached out for it. She didn’t recognize the foreign number, but she answered anyway. The voice on the other end of the line caused her to drop the phone, tears springing to her eyes at his words.

“Leanne.” Was all he said. Simple as that. Her name. And she felt her whole world stop. She couldn’t believe she was finally hearing his voice. It had been over a month since she had heard his sweet voice. Since she heard her name come from those beautiful lips of his. But here he was. Saying her name. Over and over and over again. She snapped out of her thoughts when she realized that she hadn’t said anything back.

“Ethan.” She said softly, pulling the phone back up to her ear. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was him. 

“Hey babe.” His voice sounded tired and she tried to do the math in her head to figure out what time it was there. _Almost noon._

“Hi.” She said softly. She heard Ariel’s bedroom door open down the hallway and she prayed the girl would come closer. That she could convince her to talk to Ethan. Even if just for a second. The sleepy looking teen paused in her doorway and raised an eyebrow. “How’s Baghdad?” She asked, and when she saw the tears form in Ariel’s eyes, her hand going to cover her mouth, she couldn’t help but smile slightly. _She knew that this would do the trick._

“Hot.” He whispered back. She wondered why he was being so quiet. She assumed he probably didn’t have much privacy at work. She knew a little something about that.

“How’s the hospital?” She watched as Ariel made her way closer, climbing into the bed beside her with a sniffle.

“Busy.” She heard him rustling about on the other end and she heard him curse as something fell to the ground. “Old.”

She let out a chuckle and she could see the anticipation in Ariel’s eyes. “Nothing like Angels then?”

“Not at all.” He joked. She heard him let out a sigh as he moved about. She heard what she thought was a bed creak, and then he let out a moan.

“You okay?” She asked softly. She couldn’t bare it if he had called just to tell her that he was hurt. _That would be too much for her._

“Yeah.” His voice was soft still, but he was no longer whispering. “Think I twisted my ankle. I tripped over a rock.”

She let out a sigh. He was a horrible liar. “Ethan…”

“True story Leanne.” He said quietly. “Have you even seen the rocks here in the Middle East? They’re not like the rocks in LA. They’re deadly.”

She rolled her eyes at him. He was an ass and a half when he wanted to be. “Shut up.” She spat back. She watched as Ariel rolled her eyes at their banter. She knew the girl was glad to hear the humor in their conversation though.

“How are you?” This time it was his turn to ask the inevitable question and she felt her heart sink. _Horrible since you’re not here._

“Good. Tired.” She leaned back against the pillows with her words, Ariel dropping to snuggle next to her, her head going to rest against the phone so that she could hear the man on the other end.

“Rough shift?” She heard him let out another sigh and then a chuckle. She heard someone in the background and then a door closing. She wondered if he had nosy co-workers too.

“Fire. Pulled a 72 hour shift. No sleep. Horrible coffee. You know how it goes.” He let out a soft chuckle on the other end and she imagined him rolling his eyes with that half smirk on his face.

“Damn.” She could almost hear the sympathy in his tone. She wondered how many 72 hour shifts he had pulled over there. _Probably more than she had._ “You should get some sleep.”

“Yeah. I was planning too.” She whispered.

“Did I interrupt?” His question made her heart skip a beat. She didn’t want him to think for one second that she wasn’t happy to hear his voice. She would miss out on all the sleep in the world just to talk to him again.

“No.” She replied softly, her free hand reaching up to run through Ariel’s hair, the girl starting to doze off against her side.

“How’s the kid?” It was almost like he could read her mind.

“She’s good.” Leanne looked down and eyed Ariel cautiously. The girl’s brown eyes stared up at her sleepily and she pulled the phone back from her ear a bit.

“Hi Ethan.” Ariel’s voice was so soft that she barely heard it herself. For a second she wondered if Ethan had heard it either. But then she heard a soft sob escape his lips and her heart swelled at the sound.

“Hi sweetheart.” He said softly. Leanne could practically feel some of the tension leave the airwaves between them. “How are you?”

“Good.” The teen whispered back, snuggling closer to Leanne as she closed her eyes once more. “Tired.”

Ethan let out a soft chuckle at the girl’s words. Leanne knew he understood just what she was saying. “Yeah. Same here angel.” He replied softly. Leanne saw a small smile form on Ariel’s face. She could only imagine what was running through the girl’s head right now. “Why don’t you ladies try and sleep?”

“Mmkay.” Ariel mumbled back, her eyelids getting heavy as she tugged the blanket up over her shoulders. Leanne dropped a kiss to her head and when the next words left her mouth she felt like her whole world was still. “Love you Ethan.” She whispered, her body relaxing against Leanne’s with a soft whimper.

“Love you too baby girl.” He whispered back. Leanne could hear him trying to control his tears. She knew he was trying to be strong. She knew that he was failing.

“Ethan…” She whispered after a few minutes of silence. She knew that Ariel was sound asleep, her body having settled down against hers.

“I love you.” He whispered, his voice cracking as he spoke. “I love you so so much.”

“I know Ethan.” She said softly. “I know.”

“I’ll let you two sleep.” He said quickly, and she could hear the panic in his voice.

“No Ethan, we can talk, I’m good.” She closed her eyes with her words and instantly regretted it. She knew she needed to sleep. She knew her body was exhausted. But her desire to talk to her faraway friend was more important right now.

“Hey, no, it’s okay.” His tone was soft and relaxed and she didn’t hear his worry anymore. “I’ve gotta get going anyway. Duty calls.”

“Okay.” She replied, her eyes opening back up to stare at the ceiling as she thought of when she’d get to hear his voice again. It scared her to think that it could be another month from now.

“I’ll try and write you over the weekend okay?” His question was whispered and she could hear people in the background again. She guessed his five minutes of silence was up.

“I’ll be waiting.” She whispered back. “Be safe.”

“Always.” He replied. “I love you.”

And just like that, he was gone, and the silence on the other end of the phone was heartbreaking.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Another short, but sweet one!

Leanne had been on cloud nine after her talk with Ethan the previous day, and she had been so thankful that both she and Ariel had gotten to speak with him. The teen’s spirits had certainly lifted after that and Leanne knew that she was missing the man just as much as she was, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Friday had flown by and her shift at Angels had been surprisingly smooth. When she left that night she had bid the others goodbye and told them that she would see them on Monday, and most certainly not before.

She and Ariel had then enjoyed an entire weekend just the two of them. They had eaten entirely too much junk food, watched more movies they could count, and stayed in their pajamas all day on Saturday. On Sunday, they finally emerged from their hibernation and went to get their nails done, followed by a lunch date, and a much needed shopping trip. Ariel had said that Leanne was spoiling her, Leanne had told her that that was a mother’s right.

When Leanne had returned to work that Monday she had almost forgotten about Ethan’s promise to e-mail over the weekend, until her computer dinged at a little after 9:00am. Opening the e-mail with a smile she was soon met with words that she had dreaded seeing since he had left.

_Lea,_

_Sorry I haven’t messaged you. It was a bad weekend. Lost a lot of good people. Kinda freaky. I wish you were here, I could really use your arms around me right now. Probably won’t be able to write for a few days. Gotta go out in the field._

_I miss you._

_Love,  
-E_

Leanne fought back a round of tears at his words. She knew it was bound to happen, he was in a war zone after all, but it didn’t make it any easier to see that he was struggling. She wished that she could pull him into her arms and kiss him and make all his pain go away. She hated that she had to resort to a half-ass message, but she sent one anyway.

_Ethan,_

_I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t go well. I know that you’re feeling it hard and that’s never easy. I wish I was there to hold you. I know that no amount of words can make it better. Please be safe out there. I need you to come back to me._

_I miss you more._

_-Lea_

She hit send with a sigh. She wondered how long it would take her to be able to sign her letters ‘love’ like he did. She wondered if she would ever be able to tell him how she really felt. She hoped that he at least knew, even if she wasn’t able to say it. It would kill her if something happened to him without him knowing it. She decided that the next time they talked over the phone she would tell him. She had too.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne needs Ethan a little more today she ever thought she would.

A few weeks went by without much contact at all. He would send a quick update, no more than a few words, to let her know that he was okay. But she missed his details and his jokes. She missed his voice more than anything. She was normally never the one to initiate contact, in fact, she couldn’t remember a time when she had sent the first message. Until today that is.

_Ethan,_

_I know I don’t normally send the first message and I know that you’re probably super busy, but I needed to talk to someone, and you’re always my go-to, so I’m hoping that writing this out will help me._

_Today was a rough day. Ariel and I fought, all morning long. And all afternoon. And the entire evening. She even refused dinner and went to bed while the sun was still up. I’m not sure what’s going on with her. I tried talking to her, but you know how she is. She gets in her head, closes up, I guess she gets that from you. I tried asking Noa if she knew, I know they confide in each other a lot, but she had no idea either. I don’t know what to do._

_I know she misses you, a lot, and I know she’s hurting. I just wish she wouldn’t push me away. I wish she would talk to me. Maybe you could talk to her? See if she’ll open up to you. I know you haven’t been able to talk much lately, things have been insane on both ends, but if you have a minute, maybe you could help me out? I know she trusts you. Probably more than she trusts me sometimes._

_I miss you terribly. I wish you were here. I hope you can call again soon. There’s some things I want to say to you but I feel they’re too important to say over e-mail. Please stay safe out there._

_Love,  
Lea_

After hitting send she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. This was so much harder on her than she ever imagined. Sure losing her husband had been horrible, tragic even, and it was something that she was sure that she would never fully recover from. But at least she had the tiny bit of closure in knowing that he was gone, and that he wasn’t coming back. She didn’t know that with Ethan. She didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. She just knew that he was gone, and that it wasn’t safe, and that she may or may not hear from again. It was killing her. Her computer dinging brought her out of her thoughts. Surely he wasn’t messaging her back already. She did the math in her head again. It was close to 11am there. Maybe he was finally back in the hospital and on a normal schedule. Opening the e-mail she smiled at his words.

_Lea,_

_I’m sorry you guys are fighting. Her stubbornness can be quite appalling at times (I don’t know where she gets that from…). I’ll shoot her a message and see if I can get through to her, but I have a sneaky feeling I know what’s up._

_I’ll try and call Friday? What’s your schedule look like?_

_I love you.  
-Ethan_

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of him calling her again. She knew she had to tell him that she loved him. That she was head over heels obsessed with everything about him and that she wanted him to know. She smiled as she typed back a quick reply.

_Ethan,_

_I work the night shift Friday, I don’t go in until 4pm. I’ll be home all day. I can’t wait to hear your voice._

_I miss you so much.  
-Lea_

She eyed the clock with tired eyes. She guessed she should probably try and get some sleep now. She had to work in the morning and she knew that Campbell would be on her to keep herself together with the big-wigs in town. She almost wanted to let Ethan know that he had lucked out on that one. She and the others were surely going to suffer enough for the both of them.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan’s gotten to the bottom of Ariel’s problem.

The following morning, Leanne got to work just as a new e-mail flashed across her screen. It was Ethan. She smiled. _Perfect way to start off the morning._ Opening it, she re-read the message twice, and then felt her heart sink in her chest at his words.

_Lea,_

_I talked to Ariel last night. Seems she wasn’t able to sleep so we chatted for a bit. I was right about my suspicions… she’s upset about this summer._

_She said a classmate of hers brought up how her family was going on some big trip to Florida. Something about a cruise and a college tour for her brother. She didn’t give me any details._

_I have a feeling she’s pretty bummed that our Europe trip won’t be happening. She said she didn’t want you to feel bad, or guilty. I told her that she needed to talk to you about it. That maybe you ladies could do something fun together. She said it wouldn’t be the same without me._

_I’m sorry for doing this to you guys. I’m sorry for taking away Europe. I promised her we could go next year. Or maybe for Christmas break? She never said anything back. I guess maybe we can talk about it at a later date._

_Anyway, I’ll be able to call Friday, but I’ll be in the field until then._

_I love you both so much. I can’t wait to have you in my arms again._

_Love,  
Ethan_

Leanne’s heart broke at his words. She should’ve known that Ariel would start to feel the disappointment of their summer plans being cancelled. It was only a matter of time before it started to sink in. She wondered if maybe she could plan something fun for just the two of them to do. Maybe a little trip up the coast or something. She’d have to pick Noa’s brain at a later date for some ideas. She got ready to reply back to Ethan when her pager went off. Her message would just have to wait until she talked to him on Friday.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Another short but sweet one!

She didn’t hear from him any more that week and she was worried at first, until she remembered that he had said that he would in the field. She worried constantly knowing that he was in danger and that she wouldn’t know if anything had happened to him. After she had read his message Monday morning she had started trying to think of some things for and Ariel to do over the break. She had already gotten Campbell to agree to giving her a few weeks off, spaced out over the course of the three months, and she was excited to start planning something. 

When she talked to Ariel about it that night the girl had been hesitant. Leanne knew that she wanted Ethan to be involved, but they both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not right now at least. She had suggested to Ariel that maybe they could spend Christmas in Europe, like out of some movie, with the snow and the lights, Ariel seemed okay with that. So Leanne was too. They had started looking up things to do on-line after that, different places they could visit in a week’s time frame. They decided to hit up San Diego at some point, and Ariel said she’d love to see the Grand Canyon, so Leanne added that to her list as well. Ariel had texted her randomly throughout the week with different ideas too and Leanne couldn’t help but smile that some of the girl’s enthusiasm was returning. She had surely missed her smile over the past few weeks.

Friday morning came and went without a phone call, and Leanne started to panic. Her shift was supposed to start soon and she was fearful that she wouldn’t hear from Ethan. She just prayed that he was okay, that nothing bad had happened to him. When her computer dinged at a little after 2:00pm she practically ran to her desk, leaving the pile of laundry she had been folding in a heap on the floor.

_Lea,_

_Sorry I missed our call. It’s been a fucking day. I’ll try and call tomorrow okay? In the afternoon? I’d love to talk to Ariel too if that’s alright._

_I love you.  
Ethan_

Leanne let out a sigh at his message, at least he was safe. She typed back a short reply before hitting send and returning to her laundry.

_Ethan,_

_I’m glad you’re okay. I should be home around 2ish, I hope. I’m answering regardless. I need to hear your voice. Ariel would be stoked to talk to you. She’s missing you. As am I._

_We’ve started planning some stuff for the summer, well loosely, I can’t wait to tell you all about it._

_Love you,  
Lea_

She couldn’t believe she had almost gotten out an entire ‘I love you’ that time. It was something she never thought would happen. She let out a sigh as she thought about how she had to wait another 12 hours to hear his voice. To tell him that she loved him. She didn’t know if she could make it that long.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne has something important to tell Ethan!

The following afternoon Leanne had been standing in the cereal aisle at the grocery store when her phone rang. It was the same foreign number as before and she felt her heart skip a beat.

“Hello.” She wondered if she had been too excited when she answered, Ethan’s chuckle on the other end told her she just might have.

“Hi beautiful.” His voice was soft and sweet and Leanne closed her eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. She was in public, she couldn’t dare break down here.

“Hi.” She whispered back. She watched as some woman chased a small child down the aisle, screaming something about yogurt. She let out a chuckle when they almost collided with Ariel. “How are you?”

He let out a soft sigh before he spoke. “I’m good. Tired. But good.”

“That’s good.” Ariel eyed her curiously from under her bangs and when she mouthed ‘Ethan’ to her she broke out with the biggest smile Leanne had ever seen.

“Did you tell him yet?” She asked excitedly, bouncing up and down like a child. Leanne heard Ethan chuckle on the other end and she shook her head back and forth. 

“I figured you’d want to tell him.” Ariel nodded her head excitedly, reaching out for the phone with eager hands.

“Tell me what?” Ethan’s voice was curious and Leanne couldn’t help but smile. She could almost imagine the look on his face.

But before Leanne could reply Ariel snatched the phone from her hand and blurted out her good news. “I made the honor roll!” Leanne felt her heart swell with proud at the look on the girl’s face. She knew that this year had been a struggle for her, and she was so incredibly proud of her for having come so far.

“Oh my God honey, that’s wonderful!” She could hear Ethan’s excitement from where she stood next to the teen and she watched as the girl wandered off, the phone still glued to her ear as she went. Shaking her head back and forth, Leanne went back to picking out her cereal. She only prayed that Ethan could talk long enough to actually talk to her.

Ariel returned almost ten minutes later, handing Leanne the phone as she started to load the groceries into the back of the car. She was still beaming from ear to ear and Leanne knew that the chat with Ethan must have done the trick.

“Hi.” She whispered. She didn’t know why she felt the need to always be so quiet and soft spoken with him. _They didn’t used to be like that._

“Hi.” He whispered back. She watched as Ariel rolled the cart back to the store and she was thankful the girl was giving her a few minutes. “I miss you.”

She choked back a sob at his words. “I miss you more.”

“How’s work been?” He was still speaking quietly, and then she remembered it was the middle of the night there. She felt bad for possibly keeping him up when he should be sleeping.

“Good.” She didn’t want to talk about work with him. She didn’t really know what she wanted to talk about though, just something not so stressful.

“How are you?” She would take it.

“Hanging in there.” She figured honesty was the best policy at this point. She wanted to be strong for him, but she also wanted him to know that she was falling apart ever so slowly without him. “I’m trying.”

He let out a soft sigh and she heard what sounded like a door open, and then she could hear his footsteps on what sounded like gravel. She wondered if he still took late night walks, even in a war zone. “I know baby. I’m sorry.”

She took a deep breath as she leaned her head back against the car door. She watched for any sign of Ariel, but it never came. “I love you Ethan.” He choked back on a sob on his end and she could hear him trying to catch his breath. “I love you so much more than I thought I would. So much more than I know what to do with.”

“Oh babe…” She heard him let out a soft sob and she reached up with her free hand to brush her hair back. It was getting long, annoyingly so, and she figured that she’d need to get another cut before the summer started.

“I miss you.” She sobbed out. She could feel her knees getting weak and she just prayed that she could hold on long enough to get through the phone call before she broke down.

“I miss you too Lea.” She heard him kick his foot around in the dirt, and then he let out another sigh. “I’ve got some stuff going on. My head, it’s not feeling too good.” Another sigh, and she felt her heart break. “I need you so much it hurts.”

Another sob left her body and she felt herself slide down the car door. She was thankful for the mostly deserted parking lot. “I’m sorry Ethan. I’d give anything…”

“I know.” He whispered back. “I know.”

“Any idea how long you’re looking at?” She knew that he hadn’t known originally how long this tour would be. She figured he would’ve found out by now.

“I’ll be home before school starts.” She released a breath, thankful that he would be there for Ariel when she started her new school in the fall. They had already decided to let her try private school, especially after watching her struggle so much where she was. She was thankful for Ethan’s support on that matter.

“Good.” She said softly, closing her eyes as she heard footsteps approaching. She looked up, but the only person staring back at her was Ariel. She slid down the door as well, plopping down in the space next to Leanne on the concrete.

She heard voices in the background on Ethan’s end, and his hushed voice arguing with someone. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but Ethan sounded pissed. She had a feeling their call was about to end.

“I gotta go baby.” And there it was, the words she hated the most. “I love you. And I love Ariel. And I promise that I’m doing everything I can to get home to you. Both of you.”

And with that, there was silence. She dropped the phone to her lap and eyed Ariel quietly. The teen had her eyes closed, her head having dropped to Leanne’s shoulder during Ethan’s final words.

“I miss him.” She whispered softly.

“I know sweetie.” Leanne whispered back. “So do I.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ariel gets a surprise package in the mail!

Another two weeks went by without more than few short messages from Ethan, and Leanne was worried. She could tell by his writing that he wasn’t doing well and she wished more than anything that she could be with him. She had wanted to try and write him a big long letter, explaining her feelings and everything in detail to him, but she could never get the words out right. And then Ariel had had finals and then graduation and Noa and Mario got engaged, and life just got crazy.

And then she came home from work on the last day of school and saw a package on the front porch. She eyed it suspiciously, but didn’t think anything of it. It was addressed to Ariel after all, and it didn’t have a return address. She prayed it wasn’t something creepy. When the teen had gotten home she had practically torn the box apart. The look on her face sent chills down Leanne’s spine.

“Oh my God!” She screamed from her spot at the kitchen table. “Leanne! Look!”

“What is it honey?” Leanne rushed to her said, thinking automatically that something bad had to have been inside. Instead, the teen held up two small rectangles with barcodes.

“They’re plane tickets!” She shouted back. “To Paris!”

Leanne shook her head as she took the tickets out of her hands carefully. This had to be a joke. “Where did these come from?”

Ariel shrugged her shoulders as she pulled a small envelope out of the box, followed by a tour guide for the Paris area. “I don’t know.”

Leanne inspected the tickets carefully, her eyes and brain trying to take in the all information she could. “Did you do this?”

“No.” Ariel gave her a look as she ripped open the envelope. “Did you?”

Shaking her head softly she set the tickets down on the table, picking up the book slowly. She wondered what in the world was going.

“What’s it say?” She asked the teen, eyeing the piece of paper in her hand curiously.

“It’s hotel reservations.” She choked out, tears appearing in her eyes. “For next week!”

Leanne shook her head back and forth furiously. There was no fucking way. “They’re what?”

Ariel let out a soft sob, her free hand going to her lips as she re-read the printed stationary in her hand. “They’re hotel reservations. For eight nights. At a hotel in Paris.” She wiped at her eyes as she looked at Leanne thoughtfully. “Staring next Saturday.”

Taking the letter out of the girl’s hand slowly she read the information in front of her. Ariel was right, they were hotel reservations. And they were good eight nights. And they started next Saturday. Her brain was spinning at all the information in front of her. _How in the world did this happen?_

“Do you think…?” The teen choked back a sob as she dropped to the chair beside her, her hands reaching for the plane tickets once more. “Ethan?”

Leanne’s head snapped up at the girl’s question. _Would he really have done something like this?_ And then it hit her. This was just like him. “Maybe sweetie. I don’t know.”

“I’m gonna go message him!” And with that she was off, her legs carrying her up the stairs as fast she could go. “This is so awesome!”

Closing her eyes Leanne sank down into her chair. She couldn’t believe this. She couldn’t believe that Ethan would really do something like this for them. She also didn’t know if she could accept the invite, especially when she wasn’t sure who it was from. She let out a sigh as she let her head sink to the table. Jesse was supposed to be taking them out for dinner to celebrate the start of summer and she was most definitely going to pick his brain about it.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Here we have our lovely couple being an adorable mess.

After dinner, Ariel had retreated to the back porch to read and Leanne and Jesse had settled on the couch, each with a glass of wine. Ariel had told Jesse all about the special package they had received earlier in the day and she couldn’t stop smiling. Leanne didn’t know if she had the heart to break it to the girl that they couldn’t go. Jesse had reassured her a thousand times that it was a good idea, that they both needed this. She was still uncertain, there were so many unknowns. But then there had been a twinkle in Jesse’s eye when he had said ‘goodnight’ to them both that made her think that maybe the head nurse was a little more informed of their vacation plans than they were.

After Jesse left she had showered and collapsed into bed, just as her phone dinged beside her. She had set her work e-mail up to forward to the small device a few days ago. She didn’t want to risk missing a message from Ethan because she wasn’t at her desk. Grabbing the object off the nightstand she slid open the phone and smiled when she saw a new message from Ethan.

_Lea,_

_I see Ariel got my package earlier? Now, before you go telling me that it’s too much or that you can’t accept it or that I’m absolutely fucking crazy, remember one thing. We had already planned Paris. And I had already promised you the Eiffel Tower. I couldn’t go back on that. Besides, I’m possibly gonna miss a birthday (for both of you I might add) and someone only graduates from Middle School once._

_So whatever you do, just please please accept it. Please take Ariel to Paris. Please show her around. I’ve marked some of my favorites in the book I sent. And I spoke to the manager of the hotel myself. It’s a beautiful place Lea, right on the water, and you can watch the sunset over the park. Please Leanne. Take yourselves. Celebrate. Have a good time. Please don’t not go just because I can’t be with you._

_I’ve missed you like crazy these past few days. I’ve been dreaming about you too ;) I’ve never hated deployment so much in my life. I’ve never had anyone at home waiting for me, counting on me. It hurts. I just wish I could see you. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and make love to you again. I’d give absolutely anything._

_I’ll probably be out of touch until next weekend. They’ve got some shit going down around here soon. I’m sure we’ll be real busy. But I’ll try and least update you, so you know I’m safe._

_I love you. More than anything in this world.  
Ethan_

She sobbed the entire time she read the message, and then she sobbed even more the second time around. She hated this so goddamn much. She needed him, with every fiber of her being, and she couldn’t stand the fact that there was an entire fucking ocean between them. 

She also couldn’t believe that he had gone out of his way for Ariel like that. That he had planned something so perfect and special, just for the two of them. She knew then, without a shadow of a doubt, that they had to go on the trip. They needed it, probably more than either one of them realized. Yet somehow, Ethan, knew exactly. She let out a sigh as she quickly typed back a response.

_Ethan,_

_You little schemer, I should’ve known it was you. She was thrilled by the way. Downright thrilled. I’ve never seen her so excited. Thank you._

_I promise you that we’ll go. And we’ll see the Eiffel Tower and eat all the fancy cheese we want. And we’ll make a list of all the places we enjoy so that we can go back one day. Christmas in Paris is supposed to be beautiful isn’t it?_

_I love you too. More than you’ll ever know. I wish we were together. I hate the Atlantic Ocean, and the Pacific, I suppose they’re both between us right now huh? Please stay safe for us. Please._

_Love you always,  
Lea_


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Who knew Paris was full of so many surprises?!

There was no contact with Ethan from that point forward, and when Leanne had sent him a message before their flight on Friday afternoon, she had prayed that he would respond. At least to let them know that he was okay. But a message never came. 

They had both been a bundle of nerves during their flight and Leanne had waited until after they were seated, and she had a death grip on Ariel’s hand, to inform the teen that she’d never been on an airplane. Ariel had chuckled, but squeezed her hand nonetheless. They both spent most of the flight sleeping, although Leanne did catch part of the on-board viewing of some Vin Diesel movie she had never heard of. She giggled when the woman behind her made a joke about how it didn’t matter how stupid the movie was, she just wanted to look at that man’s gorgeous bald head.

When they landed at the airport Saturday afternoon, Leanne had been excited, and the smile on Ariel’s face as the cab drove them toward their hotel had been enough to confirm for her that this was the right call. That taking this trip was exactly what they both needed. The cab stopped outside a beautiful hotel about fifteen minutes later, pulling up in front of a set of French doors that looked older than anything Leanne had ever seen. Ariel had practically jumped out of the backseat, her phone flying out of her pocket to capture image after image of her new surroundings. 

Leanne watched as a young man came out to help them. He took her information while another young man helped the cabbie with their bags. He got them both checked in at the front desk while the bell hops took their luggage upstairs, and then he lead them both up to their room himself. He wished them a good evening and told them that he hoped they loved everything Paris had to offer them. Ariel was just excited to see lay down, Leanne wanted to get a hold of the view that Ethan raved about. But when Leanne opened the door to the room, she got so much more than she bargained for in terms of a view.

“Ethan!” Ariel’s high pitched squeal had almost been enough to make her ears ring. And when the teen pushed past her hurriedly, and right into the arms of the man on the balcony, she felt the wind leave her.

“Hi angel!” He threw his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. Leanne could see the tears in his eyes as he buried his face against the girl’s blonde hair. “God I’ve missed you.” He whispered repeatedly, holding her as if she were going to break in his arms.

“I’ve missed you more.” She whispered back, her head nestling against his chest with a whimper. Leanne couldn’t move. She was frozen in her spot. Her eyes glued on the sight in front of her. She couldn’t believe he was here. In Paris. With them. She felt her knees give way as she fell against the door, her hand going to her mouth to cover up her sob.

“Lea…” She watched as he gently stepped out of Ariel’s embrace, his long legs carrying him across the room quickly, his strong arms going around her to lift her up some. “Baby.” He pulled her close then, his arms going around her shoulders as he pressed kiss after kiss to her head.

She wrapped her arms around his waist so tight that she was certain she would break him. She couldn’t breath. “I…” She couldn’t get the words out. She didn’t even know what to say. Dropping her head against his chest she let out another sob, her hands clenching themselves against the fabric of his leather jacket. _God how she had missed him._

“I love you.” He whispered against her hair. “I love you so goddamn much.” And then he was pulling back from her and she whimpered from the loss of contact. Until his lips were on hers and his hands were in her hair. 

She heard Ariel let out a soft sob from her place still on the balcony and she pulled away from the kiss slowly, her hands reaching up to cup his cheeks against her palms. “I love you too.” She whispered back as his forehead fell to hers. “So, so much.”

Ariel made her way toward them then, and when Ethan pulled back so that he could pull the teen against his side, she didn’t dare protest. He hugged them both tightly for a while, just standing there, dropping kisses from one of their head’s to the next. 

They pulled apart about fifteen minutes later and Leanne already missed the feeling of his arms around her. “What are you doing here?” Her whisper betrayed her. She was trying to stay strong.

“I couldn’t let my girls see Paris without me now could I?” There was a soft humor in his eyes and when she looked up, she was met with the softest look she’d ever seen. 

“How long are you here for?” It was Ariel’s quiet voice that broke the silence and Leanne had wished that he would never have to leave.

“Until Tuesday morning.” He said softly, his hand reaching out to cup Ariel’s cheek. “But I promise, we’re gonna make the most of it okay?”

She nodded her head before wrapping her arms around him once more, her soft sniffles breaking Leanne’s heart a little a time. She wanted to speak, but again, she didn’t know what to say, so she settled for stepping into the man’s arms, her settling against his shoulder as she let out a soft sigh.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Paris is even more beautiful when visited with the ones you love!  
>  ****There is smut, good old fashioned smut, so please be warned.**

Leanne and Ariel had both quickly showered and changed when Ethan made mention of dinner. The food on the flight had sucked and they were both starving. They had walked arm-in-arm to a little café down the street from the hotel, some place that Ethan said came highly recommended. She and Ethan had sipped wine while Ariel enjoyed a non-alcoholic version of some very pretty drink. They ordered way too much food and spent the entire time talking about what all they wanted to do while they had Ethan to themselves for two whole days. They had ultimately agreed that the Eiffel Tower was their first stop. No doubts about that.

After dinner they had gone for a walk around the park and Leanne couldn’t help the feeling of her heart swelling at the sight of Ariel laughing again, with Ethan by her side. They had stopped for dessert a little bakery and they all had a good laugh as Ariel did her best to order for them in French. The girl behind the counter was a good sport, and she had commented to Ethan about how cute his family was. He had told her that they were the cutest. That he was a lucky man. Leanne was pretty sure that she was the lucky one.

Ariel had crashed in the little bedroom on one end of their suite almost as soon as they had gotten back, and Leanne had watched with gentle eyes as Ethan had tucked her in, dropping a kiss to her head as he whispered how much he loved her against her temple. When he had shut her door behind him Leanne felt the entire atmosphere around her shift. This was the first time they’d been alone in almost four months. She could feel her body shudder with need at the simple thought. The look in Ethan’s eyes told her that he must have felt the same way.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered against her lips as he backed her toward the bed. He hadn’t wasted anytime at all in making his way across the small living room area, backing her into the bedroom with a low growl as he shut and locked the bedroom door behind them.

“I’ve missed you more.” She whispered back, her hands going to shove his leather jacket from his shoulders. She pulled his head down for another kiss as his fingers gripped the hem of her t-shirt, tugging gently. “So much.”

She whimpered when he pulled back from her, his hands lifting her t-shirt over her head with a moan. He reached down and pulled his shirt off too. Saving her the trouble of having to do it later she guessed. Then his hands were on her again, running along her bare stomach and up to her breasts. He stopped when he got to her bra, his hand pushing the material aside as his lips crashed against hers once more. 

She let out a moan as his thumb brushed across her nipple, and when she felt his hand run up her back, his fingers undoing her bra-strap in one quick motion, she felt her body shiver. Reaching forward, she let her fingers fall against his belt buckle, undoing it the best she could before pushing it aside. His fingers trailed down her stomach then, stopping just above the waistband of her jeans. 

“Ethan…” She whimpered against his lips, and he wasted no time at all in undoing the button and zipper of her pants, pushing them down to the floor with another growl. His pants followed before Leanne even knew what was happening.

“So fucking beautiful.” He whispered, his lips falling against the exposed skin of her neck as he ran his fingers along the band of her panties. She bucked against him when he brushed his fingers along her core. She had never wanted anything so badly in her entire life.

Shaking her head, she leaned back, giving him better access, and when he lowered her onto the bed, his hands pushing her underwear to the ground, she closed her eyes tight. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She couldn’t believe that she was about to make love to Ethan, in a hotel room, in Paris. _This was the kind of thing dreams were made of._

“I love you.” He whispered against the skin of her chest, his lips continuing their way downward, stopping to swirl his tongue around one nipple, then the next. She gripped the sheets tight in her hand, her eyes remaining closed as he continued his way downward. But he stopped, just above the spot where she needed him most, and she let out a whimper.

“Ethan…” And then he was above her and somehow he had lost his boxers and his hands were on her waist as he slid into her slowly. She let out a gasp at the contact, but when he slowed his movements to allow her to adjust she chanced at opening her eyes once more. The sight above her made her cry. 

Ethan was crying. His head was bowed and his hands were still against her hips and he was crying. Reaching up, she grabbed his cheeks gently with her hands, pulling him down so that she could kiss him. Running her tongue along his lips she silently pleaded with him not to stop. And he didn’t. He picked up his pace, his tongue tangling with hers as one hand went to her hair and the other went to the bed, giving himself some leverage.

When they both came together a few minutes later Leanne noted that Ethan wasn’t the only one crying. She let out a soft sob and closed her eyes as his head fell to her shoulder, his lips pressing a soft kiss against the sweat soaked skin. “Marry me?”

Her eyes flew open at his words. _What in the hell had he just said?_

“Ethan…?” She whispered her question, her fingers reaching out to tug his head upward, their eyes connecting for the first time in a while. The passion she saw behind his eyes, the love, it was almost enough for her to say ‘yes’ right then and there.

“Marry me?” He asked again, so surely she wasn’t losing her mind. But what in the world made him think that now was an appropriate time for such a question. _If there ever would be a time for such a question between them._

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. She was completely and utterly speechless.

“We could do it now. Here.” He gestured toward the window, a view of the Eiffel Tower before them, and Leanne felt her heart seize up in her chest.

“But…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _This man was downright ridiculous._

“I don’t have a ring.” He whispered, his head falling forward so that he could press kisses against her collar bones. “But I do back home. In LA.”

“A… you have a…” Her mind was starting to hurt from all this information. _Exactly how long had this man been planning this?_ “A ring?”

“It was my mom’s.” He ran his hand down her bare left arm, stopping when he got to her hand, his fingers entwining with hers as he pulled it up to his lips.

She choked back a sob, her eyes squeezing closed at the thought. _What the hell is happening here?_

“I…” She felt horrible that she couldn’t give him an answer. But then again, she believed that he had to know that she wouldn’t.

“It’s okay.” He whispered against her hand, pressing a kiss against her arm as he pulled from within her. She was worried he was going to leave, but instead, he dropped her arm softly, his head falling back to her neck where he started a trail of kisses. “It’s okay if you can’t say ‘yes’.” He whispered above her belly button.

“Ethan… I…” She reached down, her fingers tangling in his hair as he placed a kiss against her curls. She let out a moan as he slid a finger inside her. “I…” And then his tongue was against her folds and she slammed her head back against the pillow with a low moan. _Goddammit this man was going to be the death of her._

He took his sweet and precious time teasing her, bringing her to the edge and then back down again, before he finally pulled away from her, kissing his way back up her stomach. And when he slid into her once more she saw stars, her hands tangling tightly in his hair as he nipped and sucked at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. They both came together a few minutes later and Leanne silently applauded them both on being so coordinated. She knew that this was not likely to happen again, and certainly not twice in one night. 

Ethan dropped his head to her chest with a huff as he came down from his high, his ear landing just above her heart. They laid there for a little while, quiet and still, both trying to catch their breath. Both from the love making, and from his very impromptu proposal. He pressed a kiss against her skin after a few minutes before pulling back and eyeing her softly.

“I love you.” He whispered, his fingers tracing along the curve of her jawline. His eyes sparkled in the moonlit room and Leanne thought she had surely never seen a more beautiful sight.

“I love you too.” She whispered back, her fingers reaching up to run through his hair slowly. She could most certainly get used to this again.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan has some news for Leanne. Leanne has a question for Ethan.

The following day the three of them toured around Paris in true tourist fashion. They ate at all the best places, bought obnoxious matching shirts, and they even had a caricature of the three of them drawn in the park. Ethan had delivered on his promise for the Eiffel Tower that afternoon, and they had walked around it until the sun started to set behind them. They then enjoyed a nice dinner on the patio at some restaurant where everything was written in French. Ethan had ordered for them with ease and when he turned his attention back to them they had both just stared at him wide-eyed. Leanne had no idea he could speak French.

After their meal Ethan had taken them to a little place down by the water. Some hole-in-the-wall little coffee shop where they ordered lattes and ate beignets until the place closed down. She and Ethan had walked hand-in-hand along the boardwalk while Ariel trailed ahead of them. She had never felt more in love with her life than she did in that moment. When they got back to the hotel, Ariel had retreated to her room to finally sleep, her body still not quite over the jet lag, and Leanne and Ethan had retreated to the bedroom once more.

They had made love again. This time more slowly than the last. And when they were both finally able to gain their bearings again they had pulled on the bare minimum as far as clothing went and settled onto the small padded bench on the balcony. Ethan had dragged out a blanket, pulling it around them to ward off the early summer chill. Leanne had snuggled against Ethan’s side with every intention of falling asleep right there. But then his words tore through the night air like a scalpel, and she felt her heart tighten against her chest.

“I’m gonna retire.” He whispered into the silence, his fingers stroking up and down her arm slowly.

“What?” She pulled back slightly, her eyes searching for his in the darkness. But he kept his trained straight ahead, the light from the Eiffel Tower reflecting off the gray orbs as he spoke.

“I don’t wanna do this anymore.” His voice was hollow and she heard his voice crack as he turned his face toward her. “I don’t wanna be away from you and Ariel anymore. I don’t want this life.”

“But Ethan…” She felt the tears threatening to fall. _Was he really willing to give up his entire life, his career, for them?_

“No Leanne, no buts.” He reached out, his left hand trailing across her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. “Look, I joined the Army because I had nothing. No one. My mom was dead, my dad was back to drinking, my brother… well who the hell knows where he went.” _Wait, did he just say brother?_ He swallowed hard, his eyes focusing on hers as they watered. “I wanted a family. I needed one. I figured the military was the best place to get where I wanted to be, so I signed up. No hesitation. No regrets.” He shook his head back and forth slowly before he returned his gaze back out into the darkness. “But now…”

“Now?” She choked out, her hands clasping together under the blanket over her lap.

“Now I have that.” He whispered, turning his eyes back to her. The look behind his gray orbs caused Leanne’s breath to hitch. She had never seen so much love there before. She couldn’t believe that it was all directed at her. “I have you, and Ariel. And Jesse and Noa and the others. I have a family. A real family. And I don’t need to keep searching for it anymore.” He let out a soft sigh. “I’ve been searching for a home for almost 30 years now.” He leaned forward, his head falling against hers with a soft sigh. “And guess what, I’ve found it. Right here. With you. With Ariel.” He dropped a kiss to her lips as he cupped her cheek gently. 

She pulled back a minute later, her hands having moved to cup his cheeks softly, her forehead falling against his. “Marry me?” She whispered, turning his proposal from the night before around on him.

He smiled softly at her, his lips moving to press against hers slowly. He kissed her for a minute, before pulling back, their noses touching, and he whispered the one word she’d been dying to say but just couldn’t. “Yes.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan has an insane idea and Leanne doesn’t want to say goodbye.

The three spent the following day touring the city once more and although Leanne was beyond exhausted from all the excitement, she didn’t dare tell Ethan to slow down. She wanted to cherish every single second that she had with him. Every last one. She knew that come tomorrow, he would be back on a plane to Baghdad. Back to a war zone. And away from them. She hated it. She didn’t want to say goodbye.

“Let’s get married.” He whispered while they sat side by side in the park, their hands entwined while they watched Ariel skip rocks across the pond. They had an hour to kill before dinner and Leanne wanted nothing more than to spend it alone with him. But she knew that Ariel deserved his attention just as much as she did.

“Ethan…” She let out a soft chuckle, her head falling to his shoulder with a soft sigh. “We’ve already talked about this.”

He pressed a kiss to her head with a soft sigh. “I mean it, Lea. Let’s do it.”

She pulled away from him and caught his eyes, the gray orbs shining back at her in the early afternoon sun. “What? Like now?”

He nodded his head, his eyes shifting toward the teen a few feet away from them. “I know it’s just the three of us…”

Shaking her head back and forth Leanne let out a soft sigh. She couldn’t dare get married here, in a foreign country, without Jesse and Noa and all their friends from Angels. Without their family. It wouldn’t be right.

“I figured we would wait until you came home Ethan.” She whispered softly, her fingers curling around his tightly.

“I don’t wanna wait.” He whispered back, his free hand going to grasp her cheek gently. “I want you guys to be mine.”

“We already are yours goofy.” She let a soft laugh escape her lips at the glimmer in his eyes. “Married or not.”

“Okay.” He whispered again, leaning forward to capture her lips softly in his. She felt his hand tangle in her hair as he pulled her closer. 

He was downright insane to suggest getting married. _Wasn’t he?_ Surely he didn’t think they would get away with it. I mean, getting married in another country. _It couldn’t possibly be legal?_ And what if Ariel wasn’t okay with it. They hadn’t even told her about their engagement. Hell, they hadn’t even mentioned it to each other since last night. She shook her head slowly as she pulled back from him, her eyes glistening as she fought off tears.

“I love you.” She whispered, her hands wrapping around his shoulders as she pulled him toward her. 

“I love you more.” He whispered against her hair, his lips dropping a kiss against the loose curls. She never wanted to leave this place. She wanted to stay here, in his arms, forever.

—

The following morning, Leanne woke up to an empty bed. She let out a soft sigh at the memories of last night. She couldn’t believe he was gone again. Just a few hours ago he had been making love to her, whispering over and over again to her how much he loved her. How much he didn’t want to leave her. She fought off another round of tears when she saw Ariel appear in the doorway, her eyes damp as she wrapped her arms around herself.

“He didn’t say goodbye.” She whispered softly, her long legs carrying her toward the bed.

“I know baby.” Leanne reached forward, pulling the girl against her chest, her arms wrapping around her tightly as she kissed her forehead. “I think it was too much for him.” Ariel nodded her head against the fabric of Leanne’s shirt and she let out a soft sob as she tucked herself as close as possible the older woman. “He loves you honey. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I know he does.” Her words were soft and when she pulled back to look Leanne in the eyes the woman’s heart almost busted at the seams. “He loves you too you know?”

Leanne nodded her head, the light streaming in from the balcony door bouncing off the small diamond covered band on her left finger. “I know angel. More than ever.” She dropped another kiss to the teen’s head as she tucked her against her side once more.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The honeymoon phase abruptly ends for Leanne, all with one phone call.

The two had enjoyed the rest of their stay in Paris and though they both missed Ethan terribly, Leanne knew that they needed to keep on living. That they couldn’t let this opportunity pass. That this was a once in a lifetime kind of thing. She had called Jesse to let him know when they were headed home, swearing up and down that she couldn’t wait to see him again. That she had so much to tell him.

But then something had happened at Angels, and Jesse had sent Elliot to pick the duo up at the airport instead of coming himself. By the time they had made it back to the house they were both so exhausted that they fell asleep in their clothes on top of their respective beds. Leanne promptly missed three phone calls that night, two from Jesse, and one from Ethan. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that she realized how regretful she was for not answering that night.

She and Ariel returned to a pretty normal routine after their trip and Leanne returned to work just in time for a massive traffic accident that had her at the hospital for four days straight. She was thankful for Ariel’s friend’s parents for helping her out. She didn’t know what she would’ve done if she had had to leave the teen alone for that long of a period of time. She finally got the chance to talk to Jesse one day, telling him about their trip and showing him all the pictures they took. She tried to ignore the fact that he didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see Ethan in the photos. She had a sneaky suspicion that he was fully aware of the man’s plans from the start. 

Several weeks went by without contact from Ethan. No letters. No e-mails. No phone calls. At first, she didn’t think anything of it. He was busy, she knew that. And he had made a point of telling her that he would probably have to go away for a few weeks. Something about a camp a few hours away that needed their help. She had been frightened, but she knew that he would do what he needed too. That he would stay safe for them. They both had so much to lose now. But after almost a month had gone by, her heart started to hurt in a way that it hadn’t in the three years he had been in her life. All of her fear was confirmed when she received a phone call one night, the number for General Hutchins flashing across her phone like a warning sign.

“Hello…” She answered softly, her eyes closing as she leaned back against her office door.

“Leanne?” The General’s voice was soft, but she could hear the hesitation in his tone. She knew something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

“Is this a bad time?” She wanted to scream at him that of course this was a bad time. _That there was never a good time to be getting a phone call from your significant other’s commanding officer while they were off in a war zone._

“No.” She whispered, the tears threatening to fall as she tried to hold herself together. She was silently thankful that he had caught her while she was still at work, and not at home with Ariel.

“It’s about Ethan.” She felt like making a sarcastic ‘duh’ comment at the man, but she knew he was just doing his job. She was thankful that he cared enough about Ethan to make this call himself. That he wasn’t relying on some emotionless secretary to do it for him. 

“Is he okay?” She held her breath as she waited for his response.

“We’ve lost contact with his unit.” His voice was still so even, so calm, and Leanne wanted to scream at him. _How could he be so calm right now?_ “Now, that’s not unusual because of the mountains.” He let out a sigh and she wondered if he was having just as hard of a time telling her this as she was having while hearing it. “But it’s been long enough that we’re concerned.”

“How concerned?” She whispered her question as her body slid down the door with a soft sob.

“We wanted to let you know,” She heard him take a deep breath on the other end of the line, “another seven days and we have to declare him M.I.A.”

She felt the wind leave her body as the tears poured from her eyes uncontrollably. “What… What does that mean?”

“Nothing really.” He replied gently. She didn’t know if he was lying to her or not, but it certainly didn’t feel like nothing. “We’ll keep searching Leanne. We won’t stop until we find him. I give you my word.”

“Okay.” That was all she could say, all she could manage. Her head hurt too bad to produce any more thoughts. “Thank you.” And then she hung up the phone, letting it fall to the floor with another sob.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Leanne and Ariel get a visit from some men in uniform. Also, Leanne has a lot of explaining to do.

Another three weeks passed without any word from Ethan or the General, and Leanne was barely holding it together. She had put off telling Ariel at first. The girl was getting ready to start a new school, to start over some with her life, and Leanne didn’t want to burden her with the thought that her father figure wouldn’t be home. Even though they had both decided not to tell her that Ethan was due back before school started, for this exact reason, Ariel had been holding out hope that he would be there for her during her first few days. Leanne had been holding out that hope too.

She had confided in Jesse about the call, about how Ethan was now officially M.I.A. He had been nothing but supportive, and when she decided, after the first week, that she needed to tell Ariel before something worse happened, he had been by her side the whole time. The two had been walking around on eggshells since then. Her and Ariel. It seemed that every little thing was setting them both off. They were both overwhelmed and exhausted, mentally, emotionally, and physically, and Leanne didn’t know what to do to help.

Jesse had come over a few hours ago to try and help, with whatever he possibly could, and Leanne was thankful to have her best-friend by her side during this whole thing. She didn’t know what she would’ve done without him. They were sitting outside, talking about various things, work, Ariel, her relationship with Ethan, when Jesse asked a question that sent her head for a whirl.

“So, when you two were in Paris…” Her eyes snapped up to catch his across the space of her small front porch and she swallowed back a gulp. _There was no way he could’ve known…_

“Yes Jesse…?” She was hesitant to even acknowledge him right now, especially considering she had no idea where this conversation was going.

“Did you two…” He gestured around him like a crazy person. “You know…?”

“Did we what Jesse?” She let out a soft sigh when he chuckled.

“Sleep together? Finally?” She dropped her head back against the back of the chair. _Thank god that’s where he was going with this._ Although, part of her wanted to tell him that that ship had sailed months ago, before Ethan had even left the states.

“Yes Jesse, we did.” She smiled up at him as she ran her fingers through her hair. She never did get that haircut she had been thinking about. Maybe now was the time.

“And… How was it?” Jesse’s voice was light and humorous and she shook her head back and forth at his behavior.

“Great.” She said softly. She laughed when he rolled his eyes, she assumed that was probably not the response he was hoping for. 

She got ready to speak again when a car pulled into the driveway. A car she didn’t recognize. She stood, Jesse rising as well as they moved to the top of the steps. She felt her body freeze when a young African American male stepped out of the driver’s seat, the ribbons of his military uniform glistening in the bright August sun. She felt Jesse’s hand grip hers tightly as she heard the door open behind them. Ariel’s hand was in her other before she had a chance to even process what was happening.

The man made his way up the drive slowly, his dark sunglasses hiding his eyes, and probably his emotions from the trio on the porch.

“Mrs. Willis?” His voice was soft, relaxed almost, and she wondered if he was trained to remain calm in these situations. She knew just how hard it could be to be the one delivering bad news to a person’s family.

“Yes?” She stepped forward slightly, her grip on Ariel’s hand tightening. She felt Jesse’s fingers go lax against hers when she didn’t correct the man about the use of Ethan’s last name in reference to her.

“Ma’am…” He removed his sunglasses, his eyes peering up at her from the bottom of the stairs. “We’re here about your husband.”

She felt the wind leave her body and when Ariel let out a sob beside her she pulled her to her side. “Is he… Is he okay?”

The soft smile that graced the young man’s face was probably just as much a relief for her as it was for him. “Yes ma’am. He’s okay.”

Ariel let out a breath beside her, her body trembling against Leanne’s side. She noted that Jesse had been rather quiet throughout the whole exchange and she knew that she had a lot of explaining to do.

“Where is he?” Her question was whispered and for a second she didn’t think the man had heard her. But then he pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her.

“He asked me to give this you.” She took the letter with the hand that had been holding Jesse’s and she wanted to rip it open right then and there. “He said it would explain everything.”

She nodded her head at the young man and offered him the best smile she could manage. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome ma’am.” He nodded his head softly in her direction, before turning to face Ariel and doing the same. And then he was gone. Making his way back down to the car without another word. Leanne watched with tearful eyes as they backed out of the drive and then took off down the street. 

“What does it say?” Ariel asked softly, her body still tucked against Leanne’s side. 

Leanne wanted to open it. She wanted to see his words so much more than she had ever wanted anything. But she heard Jesse clear his throat behind her and she knew that she had to take care of something else first.

“Ariel, honey, can you give Jesse and I a minute?” She turned her attention to the teen and offered her a soft smile, her hand reaching out to brush some of the girl’s hair back. “We can read it together when we’re done.”

The girl nodded her head before heading back inside, the door shutting behind her quietly. Leanne shifted her gaze to Jesse, his eyes wide as he asked every question without even saying a word. 

“Mrs. Willis?” There was no humor in his tone. No laughter. No hint at something light and fluffy. No, Jesse was angry, and she couldn’t blame him.

“That, would be, me?” She more of asked him than told him and she was hoping to lighten the mood some. The frown on his face said that her words didn’t seem to do the trick. She got ready to say more when her phone rang in her back pocket and she couldn’t help but check it immediately. It was General Hutchins. She knew she needed to finish her chat with Jesse. But she needed to take this call more. She pulled her phone to her ear as she stepped around him, ducking into the house as she answered the General frantically. Jesse’s shock would just have to wait.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne and Ariel finally hear from their favorite Army Colonel.

After leaving Jesse on the porch Leanne had chatted with General Hutchins for a few minutes about Ethan’s condition and his whereabouts. She was thrilled to know that he was indeed, okay. And that he would be staying in Germany for at least another week. But she was nervous, Ariel started school in ten days. She knew that it would break the girl’s heart if Ethan wasn’t there for it. Even it was because he was injured.

After talking to the General she had found Ariel curled up on her bed, her eyes closed tightly as she tried to ward off another round of tears. Leanne had grabbed the letter from Ethan off the kitchen table before going upstairs and she was hopeful that reading it with the teen would do the trick.

“Hey hun.” She said softly, her head falling against the door frame with a soft sigh.

“Hi.” The girl’s voice was so soft that Leanne barely heard it, but it broke her heart all the same.

“Do you wanna read the letter from Ethan?” She stepped into the room some, holding the envelope up in the air as Ariel rolled over. She didn’t respond, but she nodded her head and slid over, leaving a space for Leanne on the edge of the bed. Laying down, Leanne slowly opened the envelope, her hands shaking with nervousness. Pulling it out of the envelope she slowly unfolded it, holding it close so that she could read Ethan’s chicken scratch out loud to the teen.

_Girls,_

_I’m sorry that you’re having to find all of this out this way, but I haven’t been able to get a phone call out since this whole thing happened. I know some guys are gonna show up at the house, and you’re gonna think the worst, but I promise you that I’m okay. Things got real scary over there for a while. But I’m okay. I promise._

_They’ve moved me to a hospital in Germany for a few weeks. Which is where I’m writing this from. I’ve got a broken arm and some minor burns. Fractured my hip too (getting old doesn’t help I’m sure). I’m resting though, and trying my hardest not to annoy the hell out of these doctors. It’s really really hard though. They’re not nearly as nice as our friend’s at Angels._

_I told General Hutchins to have this letter delivered personally so that you guys got it before the end of the summer (it’s complete chaos over here). I’m gonna try and make a phone call home Friday night. I hope you’ll both be around that afternoon?_

_I love you both so much. So, so much. And the idea of coming home to you two is the only thing that got me through all of this. I need to see you both and have you back in my arms again. I’m working on getting home soon. I know school starts soon and I’m not breaking my promise about being there for the first day._

_Love you,  
Ethan_

Leanne heard Ariel let out a soft sob as she snuggled closer to the older woman’s side. Setting the letter down on the floor, she reached forward, wrapping her arms around the teen tightly. She knew that as much as her heart was breaking, and as much pain as she was in, the girl was probably feeling it more. She had already lost one father with no explanation, she couldn’t even fathom if something had happened to Ethan and Leanne had had to tell the girl that she had lost another dad. 

She felt tears start to fall out of her eyes, the late afternoon sun shining through the blinds and reflecting off of the ring on her finger. She was reminded of how happy she had been when Ethan had slid the small, simple band there almost three months ago. The smile on his face when he had taken her as his wife, it was a smile she’d never seen before. He was so happy, so thrilled and proud. And she wanted to go back to that moment in the park when they became husband and wife once for and all. 

“You don’t regret it do you?” Ariel’s voice was soft and quiet and it sent chills down Leanne’s spine.

“Regret what love?” She was curious as to what the girl could possibly mean. _What was there for her to regret?_

“Marrying Ethan.” When Leanne looked down she caught sight of the hesitant look in the teen’s eyes. She knew that this was going to be tough on the girl. She knew it from the start. But she had acted so happy when they told her of their engagement. And then again when they told her that night that they wanted to get married before Ethan went back to Baghdad. Leanne wondered if she was the one having second thoughts.

“Never.” She dropped a kiss to the girl’s head before resting hers in it’s place. “I love Ethan honey. With all of my heart.”

“Good.” She whispered once more, her eyes falling closed as she finally relaxed against the pillows.

“And we both love you.” Another kiss to her head and she blinked back the tears in her own eyes as she spoke. “You know that right?”

“More than anything.” Ariel whispered against Leanne’s shoulder. “I love you Leanne.” 

Leanne choked back a sob at her whispered confession, and she felt her heart tighten in her chest. There was nothing like hearing your child tell you they love you. She would never get over that feeling.

“I love you too sweetie.” And with that they both closed their eyes and fell asleep in the girl’s small bed. Both of them dreaming of a day when they would finally be reunited with Ethan.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne gets a much needed phone call :)

The next few days seemed to drag on and Leanne was going absolutely stir crazy not knowing what was going on with Ethan. They hadn’t had any more contact with him other than the letter, and she hadn’t heard from General Hutchins since their phone call Monday afternoon. She was starting to lose her patience. She just wanted Ethan home with them, where he belonged.

Ariel had been a bundle of nerves too. And the fact that she started school on Wednesday wasn’t helping either. She knew that the girl wanted Ethan there more than anything. After all, that had been his promise, but she had done her best to remind her that now that he was injured, that might not happen the way they wanted it too. Ariel had tried to act understanding, but Leanne could tell that she wasn’t feeling it. 

She had taken the rest of the week off work and while they were planning to get together with everyone on Saturday to celebrate Ariel’s upcoming birthday, she had done her best to avoid contact with them all until she knew more information about Ethan. It’s not that she didn’t trust them, or want them around, but she couldn’t handle the nine million questions she knew would come with her news. Explaining her marital status was also something she wasn’t looking forward too. And while Jesse was the only one who knew for certain, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had blabbed his news to the rest of the group. 

She had also been on eggshells waiting for a call from Ethan. She knew that it was unlikely that he would get to call exactly when he said he would, but she was holding out hope that they would hear from him before tomorrow. At least then she’d have something to tell the others. Some kind of news other than what little she already knew. As if on cue, she heard her phone ring from the other room and she jumped up to grab it, saying a tiny prayer that the voice on the other line would be his.

“Hello?” She said softly, stopping to stand in the middle of the den as she held her breath.

“Hi love.” And there it was. The most beautiful sound she had ever heard in her entire life.

“Ethan?” She heard the sob leave her lips before she even knew what was happening and she fell backwards onto the couch as she felt the tears hit her cheeks.

“It’s me babe.” His voice was dry and scratchy and she hated how it made him sound hardened. She hoped that he hadn’t lost his spark in all the madness.

“Oh my God.” She gasped out. She couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t heard his voice in three months. Not since he had kissed her and told her he loved her while making love to her the night before he left. She had almost forgotten how much she loved that sound. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah hun, I’m okay.” He was quiet still, and she could tell something was wrong. 

“Ethan…” She wanted to ask what was wrong but then she saw Ariel appear at the doorway to the room and the tears in the girl’s eyes told her all she needed to know. “Someone wants to say ‘hi’.”

Pulling the phone from her ear she extended it toward the teen, but she just shook her head back and forth, her tears falling freely as she put her hands against her face. Leanne left the phone hanging though, choosing to press the button to put the call on speaker, knowing full and well that the girl wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ if she heard Ethan’s voice herself.

“Ariel?” His tone was flat, but she could hear a slight rise in it with the girl’s name. “Angel are you there?”

Ariel let out a sob as she reached for the phone. “I’m here Ethan.” She whispered, and Leanne heard Ethan let a breath escape on the other end of the line.

“Hi honey.” He said softly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” She said quietly, moving to sit next to Leanne on the couch. “When are you coming home?”

Ethan let out a soft sigh on the other end and Leanne felt bad that they were bombarding him with the inevitable question. A question he probably didn’t have an answer for.

“Soon.” She could hear the heartbreak in his voice. “I’m not sure when, but soon.”

“School starts on Wednesday.” The teen whispered, her tear filled eyes shifting to Leanne.

“I know sweetie.” He whispered back. Leanne could feel all their hearts breaking. 

“And it’s my birthday.” She said softly, choking back another sob.

“I know.” Leanne could almost hear him crying. She knew this was killing him. She knew that he loved Ariel more than anything in this world. Maybe even more than he loved her. And it was killing her that he was having to disappoint her like this. She knew it wasn’t easy for him.

“You won’t be home will you?” Ariel’s head fell as she held her breath, her hands trembling as she sank further into the couch.

“I don’t know kid.” He let out a sigh as he spoke. “I’m trying. So is General Hutchins. But this might be the one thing he can’t pull strings on.”

“Oh.” She let her breath go and stuck her hand back out toward Leanne, placing the phone in the lap of the older woman. “Okay.” And then she was gone. 

Leanne watched as she rose from the couch slowly and made her way back upstairs. She heard the bedroom door slam and it sent a shiver down her spine. She hated how much this was hurting the poor girl. Even though at this point they were lucky to have what little of Ethan they still did.

“I’m sorry Lea.” Ethan’s voice was shaky and she could tell he was having a hard time holding on. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know love.” She whispered, taking the phone off of speaker before pressing it against her ear. She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay.

“I’d much rather be there…” She didn’t know who he was trying to convince, her or himself, but she knew that he didn’t want to be laid up in some hospital bed. He was the world’s worst patient and she knew it was hard on him not being able to get around.

“I know babe.” She replied softly. “I know.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each listening to the sounds of the other breathing as they both tried to calm their shaky nerves. Leanne hoped above all else that Ariel would come downstairs and talk to Ethan again. She knew that it would help with whatever was going on in his head right now. 

“I love you.” He whispered, his soft voice startling her out of her thoughts.

“I love you too.” She whispered back, opening her eyes to stare at the ceiling above her.

“Will you do me a favor?” His voice was hesitant and she could tell he was fighting to get the words out. “Will you give her the letter I left you? The one I told you to give her when she needed it most?”

Leanne let out a sigh as she blinked back another round of tears. “Of course.” She whispered softly. She had tucked the letter in her underwear drawer a few days after Ethan had left. She had almost forgotten about it since the teen had seemed to be doing well. She was glad that she saved it until now.

“Thank you.” His voice was gentle and she could hear him getting tired, his tone softening as he spoke. “I appreciate it.”

“No problem.” She wanted to ask him what was in it. She wanted to know what he couldn’t just say to the girl over the phone or through e-mail. What made it so special that he knew that she needed it now?

“I’ve gotta go.” He said softly, and she nodded her head, like she thought he could see her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She whispered once more. “More than anything.” And then he was gone and the only sound in the room was that of her quiet sobs.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Short but not really sweet. I’ll possibly update tonight since this one is so not up to par!

Leanne had stayed on the couch for a while, crying softly as she stared at the blank phone in her hands. She couldn’t believe that that was it. That all she got was a few minutes with him before he was taken away from her once more. She hated this. All of this. She had been skeptical about his decision to retire before, but now, well now she just wanted him home with them. And she never wanted him to leave. 

Sighing to herself she decided to go check on Ariel, knowing that whether the teen wanted to talk or not, she needed to get some stuff off of her chest. Rising slowly from the couch she made her way upstairs, stopping first in her bedroom to grab the letter Ethan wanted her to deliver. She stopped in the hallway for a few minutes and stared down at the envelop in her hands. It wasn’t sealed, so she could easily read it before delivering it. But she knew that wouldn’t be right, Ethan had said it was for Ariel after all.

Making her way to the girl’s door she knocked gently before trying the knob. She sighed when she found that it was locked. They had a very strict open doors policy in this house and even though she knew the girl was hurting, she wasn’t thrilled with this choice.

“Ariel, honey, open the door.” She knocked again as she spoke, her voice elevating some so the teen could hear how serious she was.

“Go away Leanne!” The girl yelled back and Leanne felt like she had been stabbed in her heart. As many times as her and Ariel had argued, she had never completely pushed her away like this.

“Please sweetie.” She said softly, her hand resting gently against the wooden frame. “We should talk about this.”

She heard Ariel let out a sniffle, but there was no movement made toward the door and she sighed again.

“I don’t wanna talk.” She shouted back, and Leanne could hear the pain in her voice. She had been in that place before. She knew that feeling. And it was a feeling that she didn’t want the teen to hold onto. Especially not when she was getting ready for so many exciting new things. Ethan or not, she had to keep on living.

“Okay.” She let out a soft sigh as she leaned her head against the door. She couldn’t force it out of her, she never could. Instead she knelt down, sliding the envelop in her hand under the crack beneath the door. “Just, read that when you get a chance okay?”

There was silence on the other end so Leanne chose not to press the issue any further. “I love you Ariel.” She said softly as she stood, her hands resting gently against the door knob once more, but it was still locked. Shaking her head she stepped away quietly, making her way into her room where she shut the door behind her.

She retreated to the bathroom where she took a much needed shower. After changing into a pair of sweatpants and one of Ethan’s shirts, she collapsed into the bed, her eyes staring straight up at the ceiling as she listened for any type of movement down the hall. But it never came.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *If there is one thing that Leanne is sure about, it’s Ethan’s love for Ariel.

The next morning Leanne had risen with her 7:30am alarm and had showered and dressed quickly, making her way downstairs to prepare some coffee. She had stopped by Ariel’s room but the teen was still out like a light, the door wide open and the lights still on. She wondered if she had had a nightmare, those two things were normally an indication of such. She decided to let her sleep while she got a few things done around the house, figuring it surely wouldn’t hurt her.

She heard her phone ding from somewhere in the den and she realized that she must have left the device downstairs last night. Grabbing it from off the coffee table she smiled when she saw Noa’s message appear on the screen.

_Sooo Mario may or may not have just gotten the world’s dorkiest cake for Ariel._ She could only imagine what that meant and she texted the girl back as she made her way into the kitchen.

_I can only imagine._ She smiled softly to herself. She was so thankful that they both had such amazing people in their lives.

_You’ll love it. I promise._ Shaking her head back and forth she started on her cup of coffee. 

She sighed softly when she heard the fall of soft footsteps on the staircase. Bracing herself for a cranky teen, she turned and leaned back against the counter. But what her eyes saw when Ariel came around the corner broke her heart. The girl looked absolutely devastated. And exhausted. And Leanne felt her breath catch in her chest as the girl made her way toward her, her arms going around her waist as her head fell against her shoulder.

“Shhh honey.” She whispered soothingly, her arms going around the girl gently, cradling her to her like she was going to break. “It’s okay.” She whispered over and over again, one hand going up to run through the teen’s unruly hair. “It’s okay.”

“I was so mean to him.” Ariel hiccuped, her tears soaking through the material of Leanne’s blouse as she sobbed. “He loves me so much and I was so mean to him. He probably thinks I hate him.”

Leanne shook her head back and forth gently, pressing a kiss to the teen’s head. “No honey.” She gently pushed the girl back, eyeing her through her own tears as she brushed some of her hair back. “He doesn’t think you hate him.”

“But…” She let out another sob and sank back into Leanne’s arms, clinging to her tightly. “I just want him home.”

“I know baby. I know.” She whispered. And she did know. She just wanted him home too. She was tired of sleeping alone and waking up alone. She was tired of her heart feeling so empty all the time. She just wanted her best-friend back. Her husband. All of him. She just wanted him back in her arms again.

“Do you have any way to contact him?” The girl’s words were whispered against Leanne’s shoulder and she almost didn’t hear them. But she pulled back when she realized what the girl had asked.

“No. But I can try the General. Why?” She didn’t know what the importance of Ariel’s situation was, but she would move heaven and Earth to get the girl whatever she needed right now.

“I just…” She sniffled again, reaching up to rub at her face with her shaking hands. She shook her head back and forth slightly and Leanne silently prayed that she wouldn’t pull away from her again. That she would remain open with her about all of this. “I wanted to tell him that I’m sorry.”

“Oh sweetie.” Leanne pulled her close once more, dropping another kiss to her head as she whispered her words. “He knows angel. He knows.” She felt Ariel tighten her grip around her with a sigh and she pulled her closer.

The two stood that way for a while, just holding onto each other and crying. When they finally pulled apart, Leanne had sent Ariel upstairs to get ready. Declaring that they would go out for coffee and donuts since Leanne’s cup was long gone bad at that point. The teen’s eyes had seemed to brighten a little at that idea and Leanne was thankful that she could provide her with some happiness on such a gloomy morning.

She had watched as Ariel made her way upstairs, listening for the sounds of the shower before she followed suit, stepping quietly into the teen’s bedroom. She looked around for a minute, her eyes searching for the piece of paper she had delivered to the girl last night. She had almost given up, figuring the teen had shoved it into a drawer or something, when she saw it on the bed, tucked under the girl’s pillow. She knew that she shouldn’t be nosy. She knew that she shouldn’t read it, that it wasn’t any of her business, but she wanted to know what Ethan had said that had sent the girl’s head for a spin.

Reaching for it softly, she pulled it lose from it’s spot and unfolded it with a soft sigh. Ethan’s handwriting stared back at her and it made her miss the days of getting letters in the mail from the man. She missed the feeling of seeing her name written in his chicken scratch.

_Ariel,_

_I told Leanne to give this to you when you needed it most. So I’m guessing that today was a rough day. I don’t know for what reason, but I’m going to guess it’s because of me. So I just want you to know that I don’t blame you for being angry with me. I get it. I’m angry with me too. I just want you to know that hurting you was never my intention, and that when I made the choice to leave, it had nothing to do with my relationship with you. I promise you that._

_You are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I thank God every day that you came into my life. No matter how bad my day is, no matter how much I’m hurting or how dark my world is, you always know just what to do to make it better. You make me smile in a way that I never thought possible and my heart has never been so happy._

_I know that these next few months are going to be hard on all of us. Especially on you and Leanne. But I just want you to remember that no matter what happens, no matter what might go wrong or what gets said, that I love you. And that my love for you will never diminish. No matter what._

_I know that you’ve had a family before. A mother and a father. And it breaks my heart to think about all the pain that you went through in losing them. If I could take away any of that pain I would. In a heartbeat. But I am thankful that it lead you here. To Leanne. To me. To us._

_They say that everything happens for a reason, and I’ve never been a big believer of that. See, I didn’t have the greatest childhood. My dad was a real jerk, my brother was always in trouble, and my mom, well she was sick a lot, with a little bit of everything. I kept it all in and never really trusted anyone. And as soon as I could leave, I did. I joined the Army and I never looked back. And I’ve spent my whole adult life looking for someone to fill that hole. And then you came along._

_You filled a void that was left empty all those years ago. You and Leanne. You’ve become my family. The only family I’ll ever need for the rest of my life. I love you both so much more than you’ll ever know. So much more than I’ll ever be able to show you. And I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make us whole again._

_I love you kid. So much that it hurts. And I know that you’re already Leanne’s daughter and that that was a pretty big step itself, but I’d love it if one day you’d do the honors of being my daughter too? I know it’s a lot to think of. And I know it’s something that we have to discuss together, the three of us. But I hope that we can reach that point one day._

_I miss you terribly. No matter how long it’s been since I’ve been gone. I can guarantee you that I miss you. And I love you and that I am counting down the minutes until I get to hold you in my arms again. Stay strong for me angel. I need you._

_All my love,  
Ethan_

Choking back a sob Leanne fell to the bed, her knees giving way under her as she stared down at the letter in her hands. She couldn’t believe that Ethan had poured his heart and soul out like that. She couldn’t believe that he cared for the girl so much. Sure, she knew that he loved Ariel, but his words, they sent her heart into overdrive. She felt her tears continue to roll down her cheeks as she re-read the letter again, her heart tightening in her chest at his words. _His daughter?_ She couldn’t believe that he wanted Ariel to be his too. She never dreamed that either one of them would be so lucky.

She heard the bathroom door open and she knew that she should get up and leave. That she should tuck the letter back in it’s spot and carry on with her day. But she couldn’t make her legs work. She heard Ariel’s soft sigh from the doorway and when she shifted her eyes up to meet the teen’s she saw a look of understanding there, rather than a look of anger, and for that, she was incredibly thankful.

“I figured you would find it eventually.” She whispered softly, making her way into the room to sit next to Leanne on the bed. “I’m surprised you didn’t read it before giving it to me.”

Leanne let out a soft chuckle, her hand reaching out to brush back some of the teen’s damp locks. “I was incredibly tempted to, trust me.”

“Do you think he means it?” The girl’s words where whispered and Leanne noted that she had let her head fall forward as she spoke. She prayed that the girl knew just how much Ethan meant by what he had said to her.

“I know he does sweetheart.” She reached out and wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulders, pulling her toward her with a soft sigh. “If there is ever anything that Ethan has been serious about, it’s that letter.”

She nodded her head then, choking back a sob as she tried to find the words. “If I wanted too…” She paused, her eyes lifting to Leanne’s as she whispered her words. “Could I? Could I be both of yours?”

Leanne blinked back a fresh round of tears as she shook her head. “Of course love.” She leaned in then, pressing a gentle kiss against the girl’s forehead as she stroked her head gently. “It was one of the reasons we got married.” She whispered, her lips pressing another kiss to her head as she spoke. “So that if anything happened. We would do this as a family. The three of us.”

“When he gets home…” She couldn’t even get her question out before another sob left her body, and Leanne pulled her close once more. “Can we do it when he gets home?”

Not knowing how to respond, Leanne simply nodded her head against the teen’s, pressing a kiss to her hair as she let her tears fall down her cheeks freely. She couldn’t believe this was all happening. Sure, they had briefly talked about it in Paris. After she had popped the question to him as a slight joke. He had said that he was serious. That marrying her was one of the two things he had left to do in his life. She had slapped him gently for being so dramatic. When she had asked him what the other was he had said that he wanted to make them a family. A real family. He told her that he wanted to make Ariel his too, but that he knew they would have to be married first. She had laughed it off then, thinking he was quite possibly a little tipsy from all the wine. But now, now she knew that he had meant it. That making them a family was all that he wanted. Suddenly, it was all that she wanted too.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jesse finally gets some answers about what really happened in Paris.

The pair had stayed in for a bit longer, trying to calm themselves down after their emotional morning. And when they had finally left the house in search of coffee and donuts the sun was high in the sky. They had eaten their breakfast in a comfortable silence, before making their way around town to run the rest of their errands. When they had retuned to the house around 1:00pm Ariel had excitedly started decorating, something about balloons being just the thing she needed to cheer her up.

The others had arrived shortly after, and they had all had a great time together. They had laughed the entire night and Leanne was once again reminded of how lucky she was to have such good people in her life. They had spoiled Ariel of course and she was glad that the teen had been a gracious host who didn’t let the attention get to her. After cake and ice cream the others had slowly started to dwindle down, leaving one by one to their respective homes, until Jesse was the only guest left. Leanne should’ve known that this would happen, after all, they hadn’t gotten to finish their talk from earlier in the week. She had watched with gentle eyes as Ariel had retreated upstairs to get ready for bed and when Jesse plopped down on the couch across from her she had fought the sudden urge to run.

“We need to talk.” Jesse’s voice was soft, much softer than she expected, and she wondered just how mad he was about the whole situation.

“I know Jesse.” She whispered, leaning back against the couch cushions with a soft sigh.

“What happened in Paris, Leanne?” His question was firm, but gentle, and Leanne shifted her eyes up to meet his. Sighing, she reached into her pant’s pocket and pulled out the simple silver band she had been hiding there all night. She slid it onto her finger as she eyed him softly.

“Ethan and I got married.” She felt her voice quiver and she couldn’t believe that she was this nervous to tell her best-friend about her wedding. Although, in all fairness, she would’ve been mad if he had tied the knot without telling her too.

“I see.” He reached his hand out for hers, pulling her toward him gently as he eyed the ring. He let out a soft sigh as he dropped her hand from his, leaning back against the cushions and rubbing at his eyes. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate with her response. In all reality, she had almost called Jesse from Paris that night. But then Ethan had dragged her to bed and reminded her that he would be gone in twelve hours and she hadn’t had the heart to say ‘no.’ “I was going to call you.”

“Why didn’t you?” He asked softly, his eyes meeting hers once more. There was a softness to them that made her heart flutter though. She knew he wasn’t mad, disappointed maybe, but not mad.

“My husband dragged me to bed…” She said lightly, her eyes twinkling as she looked at him from across the room, a blush creeping up over her cheeks as the memories of that night flooded back to her.

“Fair enough.” He said with a chuckle, shaking his head back and forth. “Why?”

“Why what?” She figured that she probably knew what he was asking. _Why in the world did they chose to get married in another country without their family and friends there? Why did they get married when they had never actually been on a real date?_

“Why get married?” His question was soft once again and Leanne was thankful that he was so understanding. “I mean, why not wait until he came home?”

Leanne choked back a sob at the thought. They had had this conversation. In fact, Ariel had asked the same question. “In case he didn’t come home Jesse.” She whispered her words, the tears in her eyes falling quickly. She couldn’t even fathom that thought right now. Not when she knew he was resting fine in a hospital bed somewhere in Germany. Not when she knew that he would be home with them soon.

Jesse leaned forward once more, taking her hands in his and squeezing them gently. “Is that the only reason?”

“Because I love him.” Another whisper, another sob, and she felt so emotionally drained after this day that she didn’t know how she was still awake. “Because he loves me. And he loves Ariel.” She swallowed, closing her eyes for a second as she gathered her thoughts. “He wanted us to be a family. In case something happened to him. We wanted what was best for her.”

Jesse nodded his head as he took it all in and she could practically see the wheel’s turning in his head. She knew this was a lot to take in. Hell, it was still a lot for her brain to process. “But you love him right? You didn’t just do this for benefits?”

“No Jesse.” She shook her head back and forth at his words. She knew that was what everyone would assume. That she just wanted his benefits, his money, but that had been the least of her concerns (although Ethan had stressed that it would make him feel much better). “I love him. More than anything in this world.” She choked back another sob as she dropped her head forward, her tears streaming down her cheeks as she choked out her words. “I can’t do this without him.”

And then Jesse was standing and moving to sit next to her. He pulled her into his arms with a soft hush and Leanne felt her heart shatter into a million pieces as she finally let the dam break. She had been holding it all in for so long, keeping it all at bay while she dealt with work and Ariel and school and everything else. She hadn’t truly let it out all. Until right now. And boy did she have a lot inside to let out.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne gets a much needed phone call.  
> **Also, Ethan’s the biggest teddy bear there is.

Jesse had finally left a little after midnight and while Leanne had been thankful for the chance to finally get some sleep, she hadn’t been okay with her friend leaving. She had sat in his arms and cried for hours, letting him see a side of her that she hadn’t exposed since her accident all those years ago. A side of her that she kept hidden away from everyone else. She had told him all her worries and concerns, all the things that had plagued her mind since Ethan had come into her life two years ago. And he had listened intently, his arms staying wrapped around her as he soothed her the best he could. When she had finally gotten it all out he had walked her upstairs and deposited her in bed, tucking her in quietly before making his way downstairs. She had been asleep before the door had even closed behind him.

When she had woken up the next morning Ariel was tucked against her side, the girl’s blonde hair a mess against the soft pillows, her soft snores filling the otherwise quiet room. She had glanced at the clock to see that it was well past ten in the morning, but she honestly didn’t care at this point. She knew these days were fleeting. That there would come a time when Ariel would no longer want to snuggle with her in the mornings, when she would no longer need her to soothe her nightmares. She dreaded those days more than she ever thought possible. So she decided to cherish them while she still had them. 

Wrapping an arm around the girl gently, she dropped a kiss to her head just as her phone buzzed on the nightstand. She was sure it was probably Jesse checking up on her, or Campbell telling her that he needed her to come in earlier than 7:00pm. But the name that stared back at her was neither one of them. In fact, it was a name she definitely didn’t expect to see. _Ethan._ She hesitated for a minute, thinking that there was no way the man could be texting her. He was in Germany, how did he get his phone back? How did he manage to get a text to her in the middle of the day? Her mind was reeling when she felt it buzz again. Sighing softly, she slid the phone open as she held her breath.

_Morning beautiful._ Stared back at her from the first line. _I just wanted to let you know that I love you._ Was in the second. And she couldn’t contain the sob that left her lips. She dropped her phone to her chest as she reached up with her hand to cover her lips, trying to stifle out the sound of cries. She really didn’t want to wake the sleeping girl next to her. After taking a few deep breaths she pulled her hand free once more, reaching down to lift her phone back up. She re-read his words before typing back a simple reply.

_I love you too._ She knew it was short and sweet, but she hoped it was enough.

_Hutch got my personal belongings shipped to me. Said there was no reason for them to stay in the barracks when I wasn’t going back._ She swallowed back another sob. She was once again incredibly thankful for the General’s role in Ethan’s life.

_So you can talk freely again?_ She said a silent prayer as she waited for his response.

_Anytime you want._ Stared back at her, a smiley face attached at the end, and she felt her heart start to race. He was almost home, she just knew it.

_Can you call?_ She hoped that he would say ‘yes’. That she could hear his sweet voice over the line. After last night, it was exactly what she needed. She thought that maybe he was going to say ‘no’, or that he didn’t want too, when an incoming call from his number appeared on her screen. She had never been so happy to see his goofy face on her phone.

“Hi.” She said excitedly, answering the call without a second thought.

“Hi.” He said softly. “How are you?”

“Tired.” She whispered, her hand moving to brush back some of Ariel’s hair as the girl let out a soft whimper. “Yesterday was, rough.”

“I’m sorry love.” He replied back and she could hear the sincerity in his voice. It was killing her that she knew that he hated this just as much as she did. “Do you wanna talk?”

She let out a soft sigh, her eyes shifting to the girl in her arms. “I don’t wanna wake Ariel.” She whispered back.

“She with you?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah. Must’ve crawled into the bed sometime during the night.” She dropped a kiss to the girl’s head as she closed her eyes, listening to the soft sounds of his breathing over the line.

“She read my letter?” She could hear the timid tone of his voice, the way his words cracked slightly as he asked.

“Yeah.” Leanne sighed softly when she heard a sob escape his lips.

“She okay?” He asked after a minute. She loved his concern for the girl almost as much as she loved him. He truly had the biggest heart of anyone she knew.

“Hanging in there.” She whispered, her fingers brushing against the girl’s cheek with another whimper. “She’s been having nightmares.”

“She talk about them with you?” She silently shook her head, forgetting that he couldn’t see her. She wondered if she would be able to convince him to FaceTime with her later, maybe once Ariel was awake. She’d give anything to see his face right now.

“No.” She said softly. “You know how she is.”

“Yeah.” He let a light chuckle escape from his lips and she was thankful for the sound. “I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too.” She whispered back, her lips settling against the crown of the girl’s head as she nuzzled herself closer to Leanne’s side. “Any word on when you’re coming home?”

He let out a sigh at her question and she almost wished she hadn’t asked it. “Not yet. By the end of the week I’m sure.”

She sniffled some, her heart breaking for the blonde girl in her arms. She knew that it would be hard on the girl not having him home for the start of school. She also knew it would break her heart not having him there for her birthday. 

“I know I’ll miss her birthday, but I’m trying.” She could hear the guilt in his voice and she wished that she could pull him into his arms and kiss away his worries. She knew this wasn’t his fault. She knew that Ariel had to know that too.

“I know love.” She whispered. “We know you’re doing whatever you can. It’s okay. We just want you home safe.”

He let out a soft sniffle on his end and she opened her eyes once more, eyeing the clock on the bedside table as he waited for him to speak. But his words didn’t come. Instead there was just silence on his end.

“I read your letter to her.” She whispered, praying that he wouldn’t get mad at her for being nosy. She didn’t want to upset him, but she wanted him to know that she knew what he wanted.

“I figured she would share it with you eventually.” He said softly. “I meant it you know. Every last word.”

“I know.” She smiled softly to herself as she remembered his words to the teen. She couldn’t believe that they would be a family soon. Now if only he could just get home to them. “I’m glad.”

She heard him let out a soft chuckle and she wished that she could see his face. “I love you both. You know that right?”

“We know Ethan.” She whispered.

“I wouldn’t have married you if I hadn’t.” He said softly. “Making you my wife, it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret it, not for one second.”

She choked back a sob at his words. It was the first time that she had heard him refer to her as his wife and it made her heart swell. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have him. She had truly struck gold.

“I know Ethan.” She swallowed back another sob before continuing, her tears rolling down her cheek and falling against Ariel’s head. “And making you my husband was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

She could almost hear his smile come across the line. “I love you Leanne.” He whispered.

“I love you too Ethan.” She whispered back, her eyes falling closed as she dropped another kiss to the girl’s head. 

“I should get going.” He said softly.

“Okay.” She didn’t want him to go. She wanted to listen to his voice all day. She didn’t care if she had an excessively high phone bill or if she was late for her shift. She just wanted to talk to him until he was in her arms again.

“I’ll text you later.” She could hear his tone getting groggy and she wondered if maybe they had given him something for the pain.

“Okay.” She whispered back. “I’ll be here.”

“Goodbye wife.” He said softly, the gentle humor in his tone making her heart flutter.

“Goodbye husband.” She replied back, sighing softly when she heard the line disconnect on the other end. She couldn’t wait until next weekend to have him home with her finally. She surely would be counting down the minutes until he was home with them again.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ariel’s birthday starts off a little better than she thought it would.

The next few days flew by without much incident and while Ethan would call and text throughout the day, he still gave Leanne very little indication of when he would be home again. She knew that Ariel was getting anxious, the young girl constantly checking for the man’s presence throughout the day and night. At this point Leanne wanted nothing more than for the teen to find him asleep in the bed after they had been out running errands all day, or standing on the front porch waiting for them in the morning. But every time Leanne thought he would be there, he never was.

She knew that they had to be patient, that he would come home when he was able too. But waiting was slowly killing her, and it was breaking her heart all the same. She just wanted him home with her, safe and sound. She wanted him in her bed and making Ariel breakfast and joking with them at the dinner table. She wanted him by her side at work again too, helping her solve problems, taking cases from her when the load got too heavy, supporting her through her day to day. She just wanted him back, and at this point, she was about ready to fly to Germany and get him herself.

Ariel had been incredibly upset when Wednesday morning rolled around and it was obvious that Ethan was not only missing her first day of school, but her birthday as well. She had sulked into Leanne’s room bright and early, a fresh set of tears in her eyes when she realized the man was nowhere to be found. Leanne felt horrible, the girl should be celebrating after all, but she knew that she missed Ethan a lot, possibly even more than her.

“Do you think he forgot?” She whispered as she cuddled up next to Leanne under the pile of blankets.

“Of course not babe.” Leanne whispered her words against the girl’s head, dropping a kiss to her blonde locks. She prayed that Ethan would at least be able to call today, she knew that hearing the man’s voice would do wonders for the teen.

“Do you think he’s okay?” Her next question sent Leanne’s heart for a while. She prayed that everything was still fine, that the man was recovering well in whatever hospital they had stuck him in.

“I’m sure he is.” She whispered back, her hands rubbing up and down the girl’s back. “He loves you honey. I’m sure he’s just trying to figure out how to get home.” 

Ariel simply nodded her head against Leanne’s shoulder before snuggling closer, her eyes closing under her still heavy eyelids. They laid that way for a few minutes, both desperately wanting to go back to bed, but both knowing they needed to get up and start their day instead. It was the sound of Leanne’s phone ringing that brought them both out of their thoughts. She watched as Ariel’s eyes darted toward the object, a small glint in her eyes as she reached to hand the object to the older woman. When Leanne caught sight of Ethan’s name on the screen she couldn’t help but smile, putting the device to her ear as she indicated for the teen to stay quiet for a moment.

“Good morning.” She answered softly, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Hi love.” He whispered back. She heard him let out a sigh on the other end and he must have been thankful that she answered. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” She watched as Ariel eyed her suspiciously. “How are you?”

“Good.” His answers were short and Leanne wandered for a second what was wrong. “The kid up yet?”

“Yeah.” She whispered back, her eyes falling on the teen once more.

“Can I talk to her?” He asked softly, and she heard him moving around. She wondered briefly if he was back on his feet already. Surely he would be home soon if that was the case.

“Sure.” Leanne pulled the phone back from her ear, handing it gently to Ariel as she gave the girl a smile.

“Hi Ethan.” Her words were soft as she settled her head back against the pillow with a sigh.

“Hi angel.” Leanne could hear his voice rising over the phone and she was thankful that the teen was able to brighten up his day some. “Happy birthday!”

The teen’s face lit up at the man’s words and Leanne felt her heart seize up in her chest. “Thank you.” She whispered over the line, her eyes closing to try and ward off another round of tears.

“I love you kid.” She could barely hear Ethan’s words, but they were enough to bring another round of tears to her eyes as well.

“I love you too.” Ariel’s words were whispered and Leanne wrapped an arm around her as she tucked her against her side once more. “I miss you.”

She heard Ethan let out a sigh on the other side and she wondered what was going through his mind right now. “I know baby. I miss you too.”

“When will you be home?” The teen asked softly, her eyes locking with Leanne’s as she spoke.

“Soon love.” His words were quiet and Leanne watched as Ariel nodded her head in response. “Can I talk to Leanne?”

“Yeah.” Ariel offered her a soft smile, getting ready to hand the phone over when she stopped at his words.

“I hope you have a great day sweetie.” Her face lit up at his words and she blinked her eyes in response, the tears falling slowly down her cheeks. 

“Thank you.” She whispered her response before handing Leanne the phone, sliding herself out of the bed and heading down the hall. Leanne figured she was probably going to get ready for school at this point, having no more reason to lay in the bed and sulk. She let out a soft sigh before pulling the phone back to her ear.

“She was worried you forgot.” She whispered, her heart twisting in her chest.

“I would never.” He said softly and she closed her eyes at the sound of his voice. It sounded so close, like he was there with them already, and she felt another round of tears hit her eyes.

“I miss you Ethan.” And she felt like those were the rawest, realest words she had ever said to the man. 

“I miss you too love.” He replied quietly. “I promise I’ll be home soon.”

She nodded her head softly, mostly just to convince herself of his words more than anything else. “I know.”

She heard him let out another sigh and then he was talking quietly to someone on the other end of the line. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it didn’t sound like Ethan was too thrilled with their words. She waited a minute, praying that he wasn’t gone just yet.

“I have to go.” He whispered.

“Okay.” She whispered back, her heart rate slowing at the fact that he would soon be gone again. “I love you.”

“I love you more baby.” And then he was gone and there was nothing but silence filling the large house. Leanne blinked back another set of tears, her arms falling to her sides as she listened to the silence, her heart breaking in her chest at the absence.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *So since I broke everyone’s hearts with my Drabble from this morning, here’s a little something to make everything better :)

Leanne had taken Ariel to meet Jesse, Noa, and Mario for birthday donuts before school and the group had had fun joking and laughing over coffee and sugary treats. They had bid their friends goodbye and she had driven Ariel to school quietly, both of them lost in their own thoughts. When she dropped the girl off she had hugged her extra tight, promising that she would be there to pick her up from school promptly at 2:25 and that they would spend the entire afternoon and evening together. She had even planned a surprise dinner with the team at the teen’s favorite Mexican restaurant and she couldn’t wait to shower the girl with all sorts of attention. After placing the last kiss to her forehead and telling her that she loved her she had returned to her car and watched as the girl made her way inside quietly.

She worried the whole way to work if the girl would have a good first day of school. And an even better birthday. She just prayed that she made some friends and enjoyed her classes, something she had struggled with greatly at her old school. After she had parked and made her way inside, she had stopped off at Will’s office, double checking with him that he and Emily would be at dinner tonight. He had told her that he wouldn’t miss it for the world and that Emily hadn’t stopped talking about it.

Her morning went by without a hitch, easy patients, no major traumas, and they didn’t come anywhere close to a Code Black. She had retreated to her office around 1:00 to work on paperwork, praying that she would be done within the hour so that she could go pick Ariel up from school on time. She heard her phone buzz from it’s spot on the desk and she smiled when she saw Ethan’s name staring up at her. She quickly slid her phone open and read his words with eager eyes.

You at work? She wondered for a second why he was asking such a silly question. Of course she was at work, it was the middle of the day, where else would she be.

Of course. She shook her head softly back and forth as she let a smile come over her face.

Busy? He probably wanted to call her, which was perfectly fine by her, as long as she got to finish her paperwork in time.

Nope. Working on paperwork. Or, at least, she was trying too.

There was no reply from him after that and she let out a sigh. He must have gotten busy doing something else, hopefully finding a way home to them. She got ready to text him back when Jesse appeared at the door, a small smile on his face.

“Hey you.” He said softly, leaning against the doorframe as he spoke.

“Hey.” She replied, her eyes closing softly behind the lenses of her glasses.

“I need your help with something.” His words made her do a double take.

“Okay…” She raised an eyebrow as she set her glasses down on her desk. “What is it?”

“Come with me.” He reached his hand out, gesturing for her to join him and she shook her head as she stood, walking around her desk slowly.

“This had better be important Jesse.” She huffed out. “I have to get Ariel from school soon.”

“I know.” The man said quietly. “It’ll just take a minute.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders then, leading her down the hallway toward the ambulance bay. She wondered where in the world they were going, and why, especially since the hallway seemed rather deserted. She couldn’t imagine that there wasn’t anyone around, no emergencies of any kind. Stopping just outside the doors, Jesse dropped his arm from around her shoulders and turned to her. “I’ll meet you out there.” And then he turned around and dipped into the room behind them, mumbling under his breath something about forgetting a chart. 

Shaking her head back and forth she let out a soft sigh, she hoped this was quick. Pushing the doors open with one hand she stepped outside, expecting to see the chaos of patients being loaded and unloaded from ambulances. Except there were no ambulances. And there were no patients. There weren’t even any sirens. Instead, standing before her in full blown military garb, was the one and only Ethan Willis.

“Hi wife.” He whispered, his eyes connecting with hers as she stopped dead in her tracks. Her hands went to her mouth and she could feel the onslaught of tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t move, she felt like her whole world had stopped spinning.

“Ethan.” She gasped out, watching as he stepped forward, his arms reaching out for her as the biggest smile came over his handsome face. He reached her in a few quick steps, pulling her into his arms with ease. She threw her arms around him tightly, tugging him as close to her as humanly possible. “Oh my God.” She whispered against his shoulder, his arms tightening their hold around her waist as he dropped kiss after kiss against her head.

“God I’ve missed you.” He whispered against her hair, his tears falling against her skin as he trembled. She pulled back some then, her hands going up to grip his cheeks lightly between her palms.

“You have no idea.” She whispered back, just before she crashed her lips against his in a searing kiss. They stood that way for a few minutes, kissing softly as his hands tangled in her loose hair, her hands trailing along his stubble covered cheeks. 

“I love you.” He whispered as he pulled back, dropping his forehead to hers. “I love you so fucking much.” He pulled her in for another kiss then, his tongue trailing along her lips as she held on to him for dear life.

“I love you too.” She whispered after she finally pulled away, her eyes filling with another round of tears as she realized just how long it had been since she had said those words to his face. She wanted to ask him a million questions about how he got here and when he left and why he lied to them and everything in between. But she couldn’t make her voice work and so she settled for tucking herself back against his chest with a soft sigh, her arms holding on to him like her life depended on. 

They stayed that way for a while, holding each other quietly in the empty ambulance bay. And then she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket, her alarm going off to signal that it was time for her to leave to get Ariel, and she pulled back with a gasp.

“Ariel!” She said softly, her hand going to her mouth as the other silenced her alarm. “I have to go get Ariel.”

“I know.” He reached up then, brushing back some of her hair with a soft smile. “I’m your ride.” She watched as he gestured behind him and that’s when she noticed the full military entourage lined up outside the ambulance bay’s entrance. There were at least three Hummers in the procession, led by four motorcycles with flashing lights.

“You’re shitting me.” She whispered, her hands going back to her face as she eyed him through another set of tears.

He shook his head back and forth as he eyed her through his own tears. “Nope. General Hutchins insisted that I arrive in style.” 

She chuckled then, his words making her heart swell in her chest. “I need to get my stuff.” She turned to make her way inside when she stopped dead in her tracks, for behind them, lined up against the swinging doors to the entrance to Angels, were there friends, all teary eyed and smiles, eyeing them softly.

“Already taken care of daddy.” Jesse stepped forward then, handing her her purse and jacket. “We’ll see you two later tonight.” He whispered as he pulled her into a soft hug.

She simply nodded her head before taking Ethan’s outstretched hand. He lead her toward the caravan with soft steps and she noticed the way he limped slightly. She chose not to say anything in that moment, but she filed it away for questions to ask at a later date. He held his hand out to her as a man in fatigues much like his held the door for her with a soft smile. She climbed inside, scooting over to allow Ethan to sit next to her, and she couldn’t help it as another round of tears threatened to fall. She blinked her eyes a few times, offering Ethan a smile as he turned her face toward his gently. He leaned down then, kissing her softly, his hand tangling in her hair as she sighed against his lips. She couldn’t remember a time when she had ever been so in love.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ariel gets the best birthday present ever.

Leanne was late. And she was never late. _And on the first day of school of all the days._ Ariel tried not to be angry, she knew that work at the hospital could occasionally run over, that Leanne’s schedule was always subject to change, but it didn’t stop the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that something wasn’t right. Wrapping her arms around herself she kicked her foot against the grass around her feet, her eyes filling with unshed tears at the thought that something had happened, today of all days.

She could hear the girls behind her talking about her. She wasn’t stupid, she knew their stares and snickers were meant just for her. She was reminded once again today just how unfair it was to be the new kid at school. All of these kids had grown up together, they had been at these schools together since junior kindergarten. And here she was, the new girl. Fresh from public school with a broken home and a disturbing background. She knew they probably already hated her. In fact, their words pretty much echoed their opinions of her already.

Sighing, she pulled her phone from her pocket, checking once more for any communication from Leanne. Her phone was still blank though, and she closed her eyes, willing the tears away. She’d be complete toast if she cried in front of those girls. They would eat her alive and leave nothing behind. She got ready to text the older woman when she heard a commotion from down the street. Lifting her eyes, she caught sight of four motorcycles, all with their lights flashing, pulling into the school’s parking lot. Then she saw them. The camouflage Humvees. And she felt a piece of heart break right then and there.

“Everyone stay back!” She heard the principal shout from behind her, but instead, her footsteps carried her forward. She stopped when she reached the sidewalk, her shaking hands falling to her sides as she watched with wide eyes.

The motorcycles stopped, and then so did the trucks, and she surely thought that time had stopped. She could still hear the girls behind her running their mouths. Their curiosity wondering who was getting such a special show of attention. Part of Ariel’s heart prayed it wasn’t her. _Please don’t be here about Ethan. Please._ And then the passenger side door of the second Humvee opened and she felt her heart stop in her chest as General Hutchins stepped out. 

She wanted to turn around and run. She wanted to head for the hills and never come back. She couldn’t live with herself if something had happened to Ethan. If he was dead, well she might as well be dead herself. But then the General was smiling at her and she knew that surely he wouldn’t be so happy to see her if he was here about something bad. His feet carried him quickly toward the back door of the Humvee, his eyes soft in the early afternoon light. She felt her breath stop in her chest when the door opened and Leanne stepped out. She couldn’t handle this. Surely they were here to tell her that Ethan was gone. That her father was dead, once again, and that she had nothing left to hold on to.

But then Leanne stepped aside and there was a moment of silence amongst the crowd. And then she saw him. Ethan. _Her Ethan._ And her whole world came to a screeching halt. She wanted to run to him, to throw her arms around him and tell him how much she loved him. But she was frozen, her eyes filling with another round of tears as he slowly climbed down from the seat, his body moving much slower than it had before. And she felt herself falling forward.

“I got you.” His words were soft, his lips against her hair and his arms around her before she even knew what was happening. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t believe that he was here. That he was holding her in his arms in front of all of her classmates. That he was home. “I got you love.”

And then the dam broke and her tears fell faster than she could ever remember them falling. She tightened her arms around his shoulders then, pulling him as close to her as possible, and she swore that she would never let go. “Ethan.” She sobbed his name against his shoulder, her mind still not fully comprehending what was taking place in front of her.

“I’m here angel.” He whispered, one hand going to her head as he tangled his fingers in her hair. 

She let another sob go as she tried to pull herself closer to him. She never wanted to forget the way it felt to be in his arms. She had missed him so much these past few months. Especially since coming home from Paris. Especially since finding out just how much he cared about her, about how he wanted her to be his daughter too. “I love you.” She choked out, her body starting to shake with the magnitude of the situation.

“I love you more.” His words sent a chill down her spine and she felt another hand place itself against her shoulder. And that’s when she remembered that Leanne had been there the whole time and she let out another sob. She felt Ethan unwrap one arm from around her, pulling the older woman into his arms as well. “I love you both so much.”

She could feel Ethan trembling in her arms and even though she knew that they were making quite the scene, one she was sure she would get teased for later, she couldn’t help but pull him tighter. She felt Leanne wrap an arm around her, pressing a gentle kiss to her head as she hugged her close.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, clinging to each other on the sidewalk outside the school. She heard the crowd around them start to thin out and she was thankful. She surely couldn’t stand facing any of them right now. Not after all of this. Not after everything.

Pulling herself gently from Ethan’s arms she turned toward the General, his eyes soft as he smiled at her. “Thank you.” She whispered. And she knew that her words were insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but she just wanted him to understand how much this meant to her.

“You’re welcome.” He said softly, his hands tightening around each other as he held them in front of him. “Happy Birthday young lady.” His words sent a shiver down her spine and she was thankful that very few people were left to hear him utter those words. She knew that if they realized it was her birthday it would just add to the tormenting tomorrow.

She smiled softly then, tucking herself back against Ethan’s chest with a soft sigh. He pressed another kiss to her head, his arm tightening it’s grip around her waist. “We should go.” He whispered, pulling back from her enough to eye her through his tear filled eyes.

She nodded her head, pulling back enough that Leanne could free herself from them both. She slid into the backseat first, offering them both a smile as she settled herself against the door. Ethan climbed in next, his face twisting in pain at the movement, and Ariel felt her heart tighten in her chest. She couldn’t stand the thought of knowing that he was still in pain. That he was hurting in so many ways. She watched as he scooted over, his left arm going out to wrap around Leanne’s shoulders tightly, his lips pressing the gentlest of kisses against her hair. She pulled her back pack off her shoulder then, climbing into the third space with a soft sigh. She felt Ethan’s other arm come around her shoulders as well, his lips pressing a kiss to her hair just like he had done to Leanne’s. And then the General was shutting the door and climbing into the front seat and she heard the engines start once more.

Closing her eyes, she let her head fall to Ethan’s shoulder, another round of tears coming forward at the simple thought of having him back in her life again. No more long distance phone calls, no more letters and sleepless nights. He was finally with them again. He was finally back where he belonged. He was finally home.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Coming home was much harder for Ethan than Leanne thought.

They made it back to the house in a little under thirty minutes and Leanne had never been so happy to see her house in her entire life. The hummers slowed as they turned onto her street, stopping quietly outside the yellow house. She hesitated in her spot, uncertain if she should get out first or wait for someone to get the door for her. But her question was answered when the driver of the vehicle got out, opening her door for her with a soft nod. She offered him a smile as she untangled herself from Ethan’s grasp, stepping out onto the sidewalk quietly.

She waited then, watching as General Hutchins opened the door for Ariel, offering her a head nod as she stepped out onto the street. She made her way around the vehicle quickly, her bag slung over her shoulder as she stopped next to Leanne on the sidewalk. She could see the emotion in the girl’s eyes, a few stray tears still rolling down her cheeks as she swallowed, her eyes watching as another young man unloaded Ethan’s bag from the back of the vehicle. He carried it up the porch without hesitation, placing it gently next to the front door before he returned to the Humvee behind him.

“You take care of yourself son.” She heard the General’s soft voice say, his hands resting gently against Ethan’s upper arms as he eyed him from under his sunglasses. “And you call if you need anything.”

Ethan simply nodded his head, his eyes a little darker than she expected. “Thanks.” And then he was pulling away from the man and making his way toward them. He stopped next to Ariel, his eyes going to her as he took a deep breath.

Reaching forward, she took his hand, leading him up the sidewalk as Ariel trailed behind them. She heard the motorcade pull off down the street, leaving them alone for the first time in over an hour. She turned her attention back to the man next to her and she noticed that his eyes were closed and his breaths were racing. 

“Ariel honey, why don’t you go inside and shower?” She eyed the girl softly, hoping that the teen would understand just why she didn’t want her outside with them just yet.

“But…” She heard the teen try to protest so she shifted her hands to her arms instead, pulling her away from Ethan just a tad.

“Please Ariel.” She whispered, her eyes doing their best to portray her need in that current moment. “He needs a minute sweetheart.”

“Why?” She whispered her question, the teen turning her body toward the man behind him. “Ethan...” She stepped forward, stopping in front of him as she tried to catch his eyes. He was avoiding them though, and Leanne wanted to tell the girl that that’s why she was trying to keep her away. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head back and forth slowly. His eyes opening and closing repeatedly as he tried to catch his breath. She waited for him to respond, but he never did, his eyes staring off into the distance as his hands went into his pockets. She could see Ariel getting upset and the last thing she wanted right now was a fight between the two. Taking Ariel’s arms in hers once more she steered her toward the front door silently.

“Ariel please.” She was begging at this point and while she knew it wasn’t okay, she didn’t know what else to do. “Just, give him a few minutes.”

The teen let out a huff, her eyes shifting over the older woman’s shoulders toward the man at the bottom of the steps. “He does know where he is right?” Her voice was barely audible, her fears written all over her face.

“I don’t know sweetheart.” And Leanne felt her heart break a little in her chest. It was very possible that Ethan didn’t know what was going on. Or that he had forgotten about her little house on the edge of town. Maybe he didn’t want to go inside, maybe he didn’t think he was allowed. But either way, she had to be the one to handle this.

“Okay.” Ariel whispered, her eyes shifting back to hers as she choked back a sob. And then she was using her key to open the front door and she was stepping through it without another word.

Turning back toward Ethan, she let out a soft sigh at the pained look on his face. “You okay?” She whispered her words as she made her way down the steps, her hands reaching out for his. 

But he didn’t take them, instead he scoffed his foot against the cement, his eyes closing. “There were times when I thought I’d never get to see this place again.” His words were quiet and hollow and she could see something haunted behind his eyes when he finally opened them once more. “I was starting to think I wouldn’t make it home.” He choked out, his eyes finally dropping to meet hers, and she let out a sob as she stepped closer to him, placing her hands against his chest.

“But you did Ethan.” She whispered her words, her eyes doing their best to show him just how thankful she was that he made it home to them. “You did make it home. And you’re here, where you belong.”

He shook his head back and forth then, his hands going to her arms gently as he dropped his forehead to rest against hers. “It’s just hard to wrap my head around it.” He whispered, his eyes closing as a round of tears hit him.

“I know babe.” She tried to keep her words soft, her hands reaching up to cup his cheeks in her palms. She pulled his head down gently, her lips pressing against his with a gentleness she didn’t know she possessed. 

“Am I really here?” His words shocked her and she felt her heart start to race in her chest. She could tell that he was haunted by whatever happened to him over there. That whatever he saw or did had broken a part of his soul. It was killing her knowing that he was in so much pain and that there was nothing she could do about it.

“You are.” She pressed another soft kiss against his lips, her forehead resting against his as she whispered her next words, praying that it would help break him of his mood. “And our daughter is inside waiting for us.”

He let out a soft sigh then, his eyes blinking back the tears as they fell down his cheeks. He dropped his hands from her arms then, moving to take her hips gently in his hands. “I can’t believe you guys still want me here.” He whispered, squeezing her waist gently as he spoke.

“It’s more than that Ethan.” She said softly, her fingers running gently across his stubble. “We need you here. We can’t live without you.”

He let out a sob then, his head falling to her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly. She felt his tears against her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him as close as she possibly could. “You two are the only reason I made it out of the hell-hole alive.” He whispered, the fingers of his right hand tangling in her curls. She could feel him trembling beneath her arms and she wondered how long it would take to make him whole again.

“Well thank God for that.” She felt like maybe her words were the wrong choice when he froze for a brief second in her arms, but then he pulled back and cupped her face with a fervor she didn’t know he possessed and when he crashed his lips against hers she saw stars. She had been waiting for months for that feeling.

“I love you.” He whispered against her lips, his hands trembling as he brushed his thumb over her lips. “I love you so fucking much.”

She smiled at him then, softly, but it seemed to bring back some of the light to his eyes so she widened it. “I love you more.” And then she kissed him again, with all the love and passion and emotion she could muster. And she prayed to God that she would get to say those words to him every night for the rest of their lives.


	43. Chapter 43

It had taken her another ten minutes to convince him to come inside but when he finally did he stopped in the foyer, his eyes darting around the quiet house. She dropped her bag on the table by the door and ran her hand along his arm, her fingers tangling with his as she stopped next to him.

“I um…” She didn’t know what he was going to say because Ariel came bounding down the stairs then, her hair still wet from her shower. She was wearing the new dress that Leanne had bought her, her tan legs sticking out underneath as she smiled at them. She twirled around when she got to the bottom, her arms going out by her side. Leanne couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the teen so happy. Probably not since they were in Paris. Maybe not even then.

“How do I look?” She stopped her spinning, her wide eyes going straight to Ethan. Leanne watched as he smiled back at her, swallowing as he tried to form words in his throat.

“Beautiful.” He whispered, his arms going out to pull her close. He tucked her against his chest with a soft sigh, his lips pressing a kiss against her blonde locks, and Leanne had to fight off her tears at the scene in front of her.

“Aw thanks.” She whispered, pulling from him slowly, a small blush forming on her face. Leanne guessed that she was probably never told things like that before she came to live with her. With them. She guessed that she was probably as low as it was on the self-confidence pole.

“We have an entire afternoon of fun planned.” Leanne jumped in, her eyes shining as she stepped up to wrap an arm around Ariel’s shoulders. She watched as Ethan’s smile faded some, his head dropping as he stuffed his hands back in his pockets.

“I um… I can leave.” She felt her heart break at his words. _Was he fucking crazy?_ “I’ll just… I’ll just go back to the base.”

They both let out a raised “No!” and Leanne reached forward to pull him toward them, Ariel doing the same as they both fought back tears.

“Please don’t leave Ethan.” Ariel’s voice was soft, her eyes shimmering underneath the tears that had formed there once more. “Please.”

He stood silent for a minute, his eyes shifting back and forth between them. Leanne could practically see the wheels turning in his head. She just wanted to pull him into her arms and never let him go.

“Why don’t you go shower Ethan?” She asked softly, her fingers tangling with his once more as she silently begged him to look at her.

He nodded his head then, his eyes settling on hers for a brief second before he turned his attention back to Ariel. “Just… give me a few minutes okay kid?”

Ariel nodded her head slowly, reaching out to wrap her arms around his waist gently. Leanne watched as the teen pressed a kiss against his shoulders. “We can stay in Ethan. I just want to be with you. I don’t care what we do.”

Ethan nodded his head again, his arms going around the teen’s shoulder in a light embrace. He pulled back then, eyeing her softly. “I love you.” He whispered, dropping a kiss to her forehead as he pulled back, moving around her to grab his bag off of the floor by his feet. 

They both watched quietly as he made his way up the stairs quietly, stopping just outside Leanne’s door, his eyes turning back toward them. She could tell that he was silently asking permission. That he wasn’t sure if he could go in. She nodded her head then, offering him a soft smile as she did so. He entered the room, the door shutting behind him once he was inside and Leanne let out a sigh. _This was going to be a long night._


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne is struggling with the fact that Ethan is struggling. Neither one of them really seem to know what to do.

She had given him a little bit of time to himself before she made her way upstairs and when she walked into the bedroom she could hear the sounds of the shower running in the other room. Doing a quick double check, she made sure that Ariel was occupied before closing the door behind her and making her way to the small room. Pushing the door open slowly she was met with steam, and it took her eyes a minute to focus on the space around her. She could make out Ethan’s naked figure behind the curtain and she contemplated surprising him for a second, until she remembered how he had been on edge since they reunited a few short hours ago.

“Ethan.” She called out softly, she watched as his body froze, his arms falling to his sides as he stopped his movements. “You doing okay?”

She waited for a response, for anything, but it didn’t come. She wished that he would make a joke, like the old Ethan, or at least acknowledge her presence, but instead he just stood there frozen.

“Can I join you?” She asked softly, her feet carrying her closer to the shower at the end of the room.

“No!” He practically shouted his response and it caused her to freeze in her spot as well. She felt her heart seize up in her chest at his reaction. _Why was he so afraid of her all of a sudden?_

“Ethan…” She took another step closer as she spoke quietly, hoping to calm his fears.

“No!” He shouted back, and she could see his body going even more rigid behind the curtain. She stopped her steps then, her mind going to a place she prayed it never would. _Was he afraid for her to see him? Had something happened to him that he couldn’t bare to let her see?_ She would die if something had been done to him that altered the way he saw himself physically. He had always been so proud of his body, quick to show it off in a joking fashion, she didn’t know could’ve possibly been done to him that have him so self-conscious all of a sudden.

“Okay.” She held her hands up in front of her as she stepped back quietly, her trembling hand reaching for the doorknob as she blinked back her tears. “I’ll use Ariel’s bathroom.” He didn’t respond to that, but she saw his shoulders drop down with her words. Making her way back out of the room she pulled the door closed behind her, her body falling back against it as she let out a sob.

—

After showering and changing in the teen’s bathroom she had made her way back to her room, checking to see if Ethan had emerged from his place in the shower. She found him sitting on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the wedding band he had worn on his finger at one point. She felt something inside her ache at the sight of it in his hand. _Was he leaving her?_

“Hi love.” She whispered her words, her head falling against the door frame quietly, her eyes soft as she offered him a small smile.

“Hey.” He whispered back, his eyes shifting from the ring in his hand to her and then back again. He held it up then, between his thumb and his forefinger, his eyes glancing around it to meet hers. “I haven’t been able to wear this since Paris.”

Her smile faded a little as she stepped inside the room, her legs carrying her toward him silently. “Why not?”

He swallowed then, his hand falling back down in front of him, his eyes following the movement of the silver circle as he took a deep breath. “Had to go out in the field as soon as I got back.” He brought his eyes back up to hers, offering her what she thought was supposed to be a smile. “I put it on my chain, with my tags,” He held it up again, eyeing her through the center of it, “didn’t want anything to happen to it.”

“Oh.” Her voice failed her. She had so many questions she wanted to ask. So many things that she wanted to know about his time over there. She realized that she would probably never know any of them.

“Couldn’t wear it when I was in the hospital either.” His voice was soft as he slid the object onto his ring finger, his head cocking slightly to the side as it eyed it mysteriously. “Broke all my fingers on that hand.”

She nodded her head then, not having the strength to speak. She also didn’t want to scare him away, not now that he was finally being open with her. Reaching forward she ran her hand over his cheek, stopping to cup his chin against her palm. She lifted his head up, their eyes meeting as she let out a soft sigh.

“Well I’m glad it’s back where it belongs.” She whispered, her lips curling up in a smile as she saw a light return to his eyes.

“Me too.” He said softly, his other hand going out to take her left one in it. He held it up, his eyes examining the simple band she wore on her same finger. He stared at it for a few minutes, both of them silent, her thumb stroking his cheek gently as she waited for him to speak. “I’ll have to get my mom’s ring this weekend.” He whispered, his eyes shifting up meet hers. “You deserve better than this.”

She swallowed at his words. She wondered if he was talking about a simple wedding ring any more, or if he was possibly talking about something greater. “It’s fine Ethan.” Her voice was quiet as she did her best to reassure him with her eyes and smile. “No rush.”

He let out a soft chuckle then, his hands going to tug on her hips gently, pulling her flush against him. “Still want to get that ring.” He whispered, his thumbs stroking along the skin above the waistband of her jeans.

“Okay.” She whispered, her forehead falling against his with a soft sigh. He kissed her then, soft and delicate, like she might break in his arms, and when she wrapped her arms around his neck she felt him smile against her lips. 

He tightened his hold on her then, one hand going to rub and down her back, the other moving to grip her neck gently as he pushed his tongue against her lips. She granted his entrance, their tongues tangling together as she ran her fingers through his still damp hair. They stayed that way for a few minutes, making out like a bunch of teenagers, their hands pushing at clothing that they were both far too nervous to remove. 

The sound of Leanne’s phone dinging in her pocket caused them to break apart, and she dropped her head to his as she fought to catch her breath. He offered her a gentle smile before pulling back a tad, scooting back on the bed to put a little distance between them. She smiled back, her hand trailing down his cheek gently before reaching for her phone. Pulling it out, she smiled when she saw Noa’s number.

_Just double checking we’re still good for tonight?_ The young girl’s words stared back at her and she quickly typed back her response. 

_Of course! We’ll see you guys at 7!_ After hitting send, she pushed her phone back into her pocket and turned her attention back to the man in front of her.

“I have a surprise dinner planned for Ariel.” She couldn’t help the smile that came over her face at her words. She knew that the teen would be so thrilled to get to spend the evening with her friends and family.

“I… I don’t think it’s a good idea Leanne.” He dropped his head, his hands falling to his lap as she watched him close up on her once more. “I can’t…”

“Ethan please.” She whispered her plea to him. It would kill Ariel if he wasn’t there for this and she wanted him to know it.

“I don’t think I can handle all that right now.” He said softly, bringing his eyes back up to meet hers. 

“Handle what?” She asked softly, reaching for him once more. He pulled back though, his dark eyes warning her off.

“The people. The crowds.” He rubbed his hands over his eyes with a frustrated sigh. “All that attention.”

“It’s Ariel’s birthday, she’ll be devastated if you’re not there.” She whispered, reaching for him once more.

“I…” She could see him getting agitated, but she had a daughter to think about too. A daughter who needed her father right now.

“Ethan please…” She pulled back from him some then, her eyes going dark as well as she crossed her arms over her chest. “She’s been waiting for you to come home all summer. The least you can do is go to dinner.”

“Fine.” He whispered as he stood, his eyes filling with tears as he stormed past her.

She let out a sigh as she blinked back tears of her own. She couldn’t believe this was this hard for him. It was just dinner. Dinner with their closest friends. With their family at that. Surely he could handle a few hours with the people he used to not be able to get enough of. She got ready to go after him when she heard Ariel calling her name from downstairs, reminding her that they were going to be late for their nail appointment if they didn’t leave right then and there. She sighed once more, making her way downstairs toward the teen with a small smile. She glanced down the hallway, sighing when she watched Ethan retreat into the den, and she hollered after him that they would be back soon. He didn’t reply, but Ariel was pushing her out the door, her car keys dangling in the teen’s other hand, and she didn’t have a chance to speak to him again.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan was glad to be home, he really, really was.

Ethan sighed as he glanced at the clock on the counter. It was already 6:00pm and he knew that Leanne had said that they were going to dinner. He couldn’t imagine why they were going so late, but he was starting to get hungry. Not that he really wanted to go to dinner in the first place. It’s not that he didn’t love Ariel, because he did, more than anything in this world. And it’s not that he didn’t want to spend her birthday with her, because he did, more than anything in this world. And it’s not even that he didn’t love his friends, because he did. And he loved Leanne, that was for sure. He just knew that going out to a place like that, being around all those people and all that noise, well it probably wasn’t the greatest place for him to be right now.

Sighing, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, preparing to text Leanne to tell her to go ahead to dinner without him, when he heard the front door open. He waited a second, smiling softly to himself when he heard Ariel’s soft laugh filtering down the hallway. He had missed that sound the past three months. In fact, he had dreamt about it, praying that he would get to come home and hear it again. He couldn’t believe that he was lucky enough to be here.

“Ethan…” He heard Leanne’s voice before he saw her, but when he did, he couldn’t help the smile that came over his face.

He had missed her, so much more than he thought was possible, so much more than he had ever missed anyone in his entire life. And the fact that she was standing before him right now was mind blowing. He honestly never thought he would get to have her in his arms again.

“Right here.” He said softly, pushing his way into a sitting position from where he was laying on the couch.

“Hi!” Her voice was light and bubbly and he let out a chuckle at how childlike she sounded. He was incredibly thankful that Ariel still had the ability to bring that out of her. He doubted he would ever be able to make her that happy again.

“Hi.” He whispered, rubbing his hands over his face as he shook his head lightly. “You ladies have fun?”

“Sure did!” Ariel came bouncing around the corner then and Ethan did a double take. The teen’s hair was different, much different, and it didn’t him long to realize that not only was there a pink streak in it, but it was almost five inches shorter than it had been when she left the house. “What do you think?” She shook her head back and forth in front of him, her hair flying around in front of her face as she smiled brightly at him.

“It’s… different.” He knew there was a hesitation in his voice, but he couldn’t help it. His teenage daughter had just come home with a completely different hairstyle than she had left with. _And he didn’t know about it!_ He shifted his eyes toward Leanne. He bet her mother had something to do with this.

“I needed a change.” She said softly, moving around the couch to sit next to him.

“Well you definitely did that.” He reached out then, fluffing the shorter locks a little as he blinked a few more times. He would never get used to seeing her hair like that.

“The pink will wash out Ethan.” Leanne’s voice was humorous but soft as she leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck, dropping her head next to his.

“No…” He shook his head back and forth, his mind was racing in so many directions and while this was such a simple little thing, it was throwing his head for a whirl. “I… I like the pink.” He said softly, his eyes shifting up to meet Ariel’s. 

“You don’t like it?” She asked softly, her sad eyes shifting from his to Leanne’s.

“No! I do!” He practically shouted his words at her, reaching forward to pull her into his arms, shrugging Leanne off his shoulders as he did so. “I like it.” He whispered against her head, pressing a gentle kiss against the short, blonde locks. “I really do.”

He sat there for a minute holding her in his arms, trying to calm both her and himself with the gesture. He let out a sigh when she wrapped her arms around his neck softly, her head nuzzling against his shoulder as she settled against him. She pulled away after another minute, her misty eyes catching his as she moved to stand.

“Come on! We’re going to dinner!” She reached for his hand then and he felt his throat start to close up.

“Um…” He swallowed, his heart racing as he did his best to try and calm himself.

“What’s wrong Ethan?” She reached forward once more, her hand going to his arm, and he guessed that she must have felt him trembling because she let out a soft sigh, sitting back down beside him as she reached out and gathered him in her arms. “We can stay here.” She whispered against his head, and he hugged her tightly against his chest.

“No love.” He whispered, his hands going to push her away slightly, his eyes locking with hers as he took a deep breath. “We can go to dinner. It’s okay.”

“No really.” Her words were soft and it almost broke his heart how understanding she was. Normally teenagers were selfish, especially a teenager on their birthday, but there she was, always thinking about someone else. “We can stay in. Pizza’s cool too.”

He chuckled softly, leaning forward to drop a kiss against her head. “No. We’ll go out.” He whispered, offering her a soft smile.

“Are you sure?” She whispered her question and it made his heart race at how sweet she was. He didn’t deserve this gentle soul in his life. And he surely didn’t deserve this gentle soul as his daughter.

“Yes Ariel.” His voice was a little stern, but he smiled again, his hands rubbing up and down her arms as he spoke. “Now let’s go, because I’m starving.”

She let out a chuckle at his words and quickly stood from the couch, taking his hand and pulling him up with her. Grabbing his phone from the table, he followed her and Leanne to the door with a soft smile, saying a silent prayer to whoever might be listening that he could make it through this dinner in one piece.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Leanne had pushed Ethan entirely too far, and it was starting to show.

They had arrived at the little Mexican restaurant a little after 7:00pm and Leanne had been nervous as to how Ariel would react when she was surprised with seeing all of their family there. The girl had been excited though, and she had cried as she hugged everyone tightly, the giant smile never leaving her face. After she had made her rounds she had hugged Leanne tighter than she thought possible and thanked her over and over again for doing all of this for her. 

Then she had gone to Ethan, who had stayed in the background since they walked through the door, and she tucked herself against his side in the small booth he had sat down in, and there she stayed. Ethan had been quiet the whole ride over, his eyes slightly haunted and his hands trembling against his thighs. Leanne had been worried about how he would handle this, he had warned her after all, and when she got sight of how nervous he had been she wondered if she had made the right choice in forcing him to come along. 

But seeing the smile on her daughter’s face as she laughed with Ethan, Noa, and Angus about something, her head still resting against the older man’s shoulder, she knew that this was where he belonged. Jesse had asked about him, about how he was doing, but Leanne had just told him that he was fine, jet lagged, but fine. She felt horrible for lying to her best friend but at this point she didn’t even know what to say.

They had sat around and talked and laughed for a while before ordering their food, and Leanne had noticed that while Ethan was making small talk, he was still pretty much keeping to himself. She watched as he joked with Mario, but his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes, and when Elliot asked about him about his time overseas he seemed to shut down completely. She watched as he quietly excused himself, saying that he needed to use the restroom, and walked out. She waited a few minutes, but when he didn’t return when their food came fifteen minutes later, she knew something was wrong.

Where are you? She hit send on the text as she took her seat next to Jesse, digging into her enchiladas with no hesitation.

Just needed some air. She swallowed back a sob, she hated that he was feeling like this. 

Food’s here. Maybe that would entice him to come back in, he had been starving an hour ago and all.

Not hungry. Or maybe not. She let out a soft sigh as she took another bite, her eyes shifting to the front door. She knew she should go to him, this was partly her fault after all, but she figured he could wait until she ate. 

After she had finished her food she stopped by Ariel’s spot, dropping a kiss to her head as she whispered to the teen that she would be right back. She could feel Ariel’s eyes following her as she made her way out the door, and she prayed that she didn’t come after her. Making her way down the sidewalk she headed in the direction she had seen Ethan go earlier and when she found him sitting on the curb, his head in his hands, she felt like something inside of her was being choked out.

“Hey you.” She whispered, making her way toward him slowly. The last thing she wanted to do was to spook him in such a public setting.

“Hey.” He lifted his head enough to catch her eyes before he dropped it back down again, rubbing his hands over his face with a sigh. “Sorry, just got a little too, close, for me in there.”

“It’s okay.” She said softly, moving to sit next to him. She reached out then, running her hand over his back. “You wanna come eat?”

He shook his head ‘no’ and let out another sigh. “Just, need some time.”

She nodded her head at him, her fingers scratching lightly at his neck. She hoped that he wouldn’t always ‘need time’ and that he could return to them as soon as possible. She had missed him and she wanted the old, loving, funny Ethan back.

“I think I’m gonna head home.” He whispered and she felt a round of tears start to form in her eyes.

“Ethan… no, you can’t.” She knew that her words came out harsh, and she felt bad for getting mad at him. But she needed him here, wanted him here more than anything, and she knew that Ariel felt the same way.

“I…” He stood then, pushing away from her with a huff and she rose up to stand next to him. “I need to go…”

“You can’t!” She shouted back, her face turning red with her words, her hands trembling as she crossed them over her chest.

“Leanne…” She could see him struggling to get his breaths even, his eyes going dark as he shifted them away from her. “You don’t understand…”

“What is there to understand?!” She screamed at him, but she instantly regretted it because the next thing she knew Ariel was standing at the door, Mario behind her, and she felt horrible for ruining the girl’s evening.

“Ethan…” Ariel moved to step forward but the look Ethan shot her told her not to come close, and she froze in her spot. Instead, Mario squeezed her shoulder, whispering something in her ear before opening the door for her once more. Leanne watched as she retreated back inside, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.

“Why don’t I take you home Ethan?” Mario’s question was soft and while Leanne appreciated his help, she really didn’t want Ethan going anywhere.

“No Mario.” She turned to glare at him, but there was something in his eyes that told her that she was better off backing down. “He’s not going anywhere!” Yet, she couldn’t help herself.

“Leanne…” He stepped forward then, putting himself between the two of them, and Leanne felt her heart sink. 

“Fine!” She threw her hands in the air and stormed away from the two men, not daring to look back. She stopped off at the bathroom once she was back inside, splashing some cold water on her face in hopes of washing away tears. When she finally felt slightly better, she made her way back to their little group, all eyes going to her as she entered the room. She wanted to speak up, to tell them to stop staring and to mind their business, but instead she just took her seat next to Jesse once more.

“Everything okay?” He whispered softly, his eyes telling her that he knew exactly what was going on.

“No.” She whispered back, and then she felt his hand take hers and she closed her eyes for a brief second. Sighing, she turned to him slightly, but Jesse just offered her a soft smile, his hand squeezing hers as he turned his attention back to the young girl sitting across from them. When Leanne looked up, Ariel refused to meet her eyes, and she knew right then and there that anything that could’ve gone wrong with today, was going wrong.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ariel to the rescue!

After bidding their goodbyes to everyone, Leanne and Ariel had gotten in her car and ridden home in complete silence. She could tell that the girl was upset, hell, so was she. And she could tell that this was going to put a strain on everyone’s relationships with Ethan. While none of the others had asked about what happened outside, they all seemed to know that something was amiss. And when Mario had returned thirty minutes later, alone, with no Ethan in sight, all eyes had been on her for a brief minute. She couldn’t believe how horribly wrong the whole thing had gone. She just wanted to help Ethan, instead, she had pushed him way over the edge, and now, well now she didn’t know if she would ever get him back.

“Why did you do that?” The teen’s question was soft, and when Leanne shifted her gaze her way she noticed that her eyes were still focused on the street outside.

“Do what Ariel?” She loved the girl, and she knew that she was hurting, but she really wasn’t in the mood for another fight right now.

“Why did you force Ethan to go to dinner when you knew he didn’t want to be there?” She all but shouted her question this time and Leanne could feel the tension in the car.

“Ariel…” She didn’t want to get snippy with the girl, but her nerves were completely shot and she wouldn’t hesitate to react in whatever way she needed too. “Don’t start.”

“No!” This time she shouted at her, and Leanne was thankful that she had pulled the car into the driveway at that time. Whipping her head to look at the teen she was taken aback by how upset she looked. “He said he didn’t want to go! He told you! And yet you made him!” She had tears streaming down her face, her hands shaking as she rubbed at her eyes. “You ruined it! What if he doesn’t come back to us now? What if he hates us?”

“Honey…” She reached for her, but the teen climbed out of the car instead. Leanne followed her quickly, her hand reaching out to grab the teen’s arm, but she pulled away before she could get close enough. “Ariel please!”

“No!” She screamed back, her face red from all of her anger. She pushed past her and opened the door, her hands trembling as she tried to force her key into the lock. She finally got it, pushing the door open quickly and rushing inside. Leanne followed her, her hand going out to rest against Ariel’s shoulder, but the teen shrugged away once more. “No! I hate you! Ethan finally comes home to us and you’ve done nothing but push him since he walked through the door! I hate you and I wouldn’t be surprised if he does too!”

Leanne felt her heart break in her chest at the teen’s words, just a few hours ago they had been so happy. She couldn’t believe that all of this was over Ethan, she didn’t know the girl cared so much. But then the girl was storming up the stairs, her legs shaking as she tried to make it up without falling, and Leanne followed her hesitatingly. She watched as Ariel flung the closed master bedroom door open, her heart prepared to find her room empty, Ethan nowhere in sight.

But instead, it wasn’t empty. In fact, Ethan was in her bed, for the first time in almost six months and she let out a breath of relief. Until she saw his face, his body language, until she felt the magnitude of the entire situation hit her like a freight train. Because laying there in front of them wasn’t their Ethan, their strong, charismatic, loving Ethan. No instead, this man was broken, from the inside out, and she felt herself breaking too.

“Ethan…” Ariel’s words were soft as she made her way inside the room, her hands going out for the man laying in bed. His eyes were closed, but he had tears streaming down his face. And he was shaking, like a leaf, his body curled into an almost ball, his arms wrapped around himself protectively. Leanne couldn’t process the image in front of her, instead, she choked back a sob as she watched the teen rush to the bed. “I’m here Ethan.” She said softly, moving to climb in beside him. 

Leanne watched as the teen pressed herself against his side, her arms wrapping tightly around the man before them, hugging him close to her. She didn’t understand how the fourteen year old was handling this better than her, how she didn’t seem to be breaking in two at the image of this man falling apart in front of them. She felt another sob hit her and she closed her eyes tight as she took a step into the room.

“Shhhh Ethan.” She heard Ariel doing her best to soothe the man in her arms, her hands rubbing up and down his back as she spoke. Leanne could see her trying not to fall apart then, she was trying so hard to be strong for him. But the next words out of her mouth broke her heart right in half, and she backed away from the pair in front of her, her hands going to her mouth as she sobbed. “It’s okay daddy. I’m here.”


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Convincing Ethan that he was where he belonged was harder than Leanne thought.

Leanne had retreated to Ariel’s room after watching the heartbreaking scene unfold in front of her. She had collapsed into the teen’s bed and sobbed, her whole body aching at the thought that she was somehow responsible for this. That she had done this to him, to them, that she had broken them more than they already were. She couldn’t fathom that thought. Knowing that Ethan was in so much pain, that he was hurting so bad, and that she hadn’t done anything to help him, it was killing her.

She cried for what felt like hours before her body gave up the fight and fell into a restless sleep. When she awoke a few hours later the house was quiet and there were no sounds coming from the end of the hall. She guessed that that was a good sign. Sighing to herself, she quietly made her way into the hall bathroom, taking a quick shower and throwing on a pair of underwear and a shirt that she found on top of the dryer. She made her way down the hall quietly, her eyes catching sight of the time on the clock in Ariel’s room as she went. 1:45am stared back at her and she shook her head back and forth to try and ward off the migraine that was forming behind her eyes.

Making her way down the hall toward her room, she stopped in the hall, hoping to hear the sounds of the two people she loved the most talking, or maybe Ethan’s quiet snores, or even the TV playing in the background. Instead, there was nothing but silence, and for a split second, she panicked. But then she saw them, the two of them, laying there in her big bed, the quilt tucked tightly around them. And her heart stopped beating in her chest.

Ethan was on his back now, his body relaxed back against the pillows behind him. He had Ariel tucked against his left side, his arm wrapped tightly around the girl’s shoulders, his fingers running gently through her short blonde hair. Ariel’s head was resting on his chest, her cheeks stained with tear marks and her runaway make-up. Leanne could just barely make out her arm under the covers, resting on Ethan’s chest, her hand placed right above his heart. She could see the soft rise and fall of the teen’s chest and she knew that she was sleeping, though she wasn’t sure how peacefully. Ethan’s eyes were open however, focused on some far off spot on the ceiling, and his breath sounds were soft, yet slightly ragged.

She let out a soft sigh then, her heart realizing that they were both okay, her mind finally at ease. Leaning her head fall against the door frame she watched them for a few minutes, her eyes watering at the thought of how much she truly loved these two people. She couldn’t fathom not having either one of them in her life, and she knew that whatever happened, she was willing to take all the bad she had to, as long as she got to keep the good in them.

“I’d probably be able to sleep better if you were here too.” His voice was soft, his eyes shifting ever so slightly in her direction as he spoke.

“I figured the last thing you’d want right now was to share a bed with me.” She replied, her eyes misting over when she caught sight of the torment behind his gray eyes, the light reflecting off of them in a way that made her heart hurt.

“I don’t care about some stupid fight Leanne.” He whispered, his head going back to its original position against the pillow, his eyes going back to staring down some invisible spot on her ceiling. “It’s been almost six months. I just want to sleep with you in my arms again.”

She choked back a sob at his words. She couldn’t believe that he was really here, in her bed, their daughter tucked tightly in his arms. _It all just seemed so surreal._

“Could’ve fooled me.” She said softly, stepping ever so slightly into the room. She watched as he let out a huff, his head turning toward hers as she moved closer.

“You’re my wife now Leanne.” He spat out. _Like she didn’t know it._ “I can’t just run away and never come back after every little fight. That’s not how it works.”

She could hear the anger in his voice, the torment and the resentment. She wondered who had walked out on him every time there had been fight, _his mother or his father._ She knew the bond of marriage was sacred, she wasn’t stupid, she had been down this road before. But she also knew that Ethan was being tortured by demons that she would never see and if he didn’t let her in, well then she’d never be able to save him. And in his decline, he might just take her down with him.

“I didn’t mean it like that Ethan.” She whispered, stopping when she got to the side of her bed. She reached out, daring to run her fingers through his hair. He gave her a soft huff at her touch, but he didn’t flinch away, and that was a start.

“I don’t want to do this Leanne.” He whispered, his eyes closing behind his lids as tears poured down his cheeks. For a second she thought he meant that he didn’t want to do them, this, the life they had slowly started to build together. But then she heard him let out a sob as he tucked Ariel even closer, his other hand going to his face as he tried to scrub away his tears. “This isn’t the life I imagined for us.”

She felt her heart break in her chest at his words. _This isn’t the life she had imagined for them either. In fact, it wasn’t even close._ But she didn’t have a magical fix to the problem, not yet. And she doubted she ever would.

“I know it isn’t Ethan.” She barely heard her own words as she stepped the rest of the way toward the bed, sitting down on the edge as she ran her fingers through his hair, scratching lightly in an attempt to calm him. “But it’s the life we’ve been given. And we have to find a way to make it work.”

He shook his head back and forth aggressively and she thought he was going to get mad for a second, but instead he just flopped back against the pillow with a sob. 

“I’m sorry for this, for all of this.” He croaked out, his eyes opening so that they could connect with hers. “You guys don’t deserve this.”

"It's not about what we deserve, it's about what we need.” She whispered, her hand stilling itself against his cheek, her thumb stroking over his whiskers lightly. “And we need you."

“But…” She could see that he was uncertain, that her words weren’t quite reaching him. It killed her that he didn’t believe them. _Did he not realize how much they loved him?_

“No Ethan. No buts. No more of that.” She leaned down then, dropping her forehead to rest against his, her words quiet in the darkness of the room. “We love you and we need you here with us. That’s not going to change. Ever.”

“You don’t…” His voice shook as he reached for her with his free hand and she just wanted to scoop him up in her arms and carry him away. Take him someplace where he would be safe from all this darkness, from all this torture.

“Whatever's going on, whatever you've been through, we will find a way to get through it.” She said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his trembling lips. “We will find our new normal."

“Nothing will ever be normal again Leanne. Don’t you understand that?” Her heart broke at the way his voice faltered as he spoke, the tears in his eyes continuing to pour down his face. She pulled back slightly, her lips moving to kiss his forehead gently.

"You're wrong. It will be normal.” She whispered against his temple before pulling away, their eyes connecting for the first time in a while. “It just won't be the way it used to be."

He let out a soft sob then, his eyes closing as his arm relaxed around her. She knew he was beyond exhausted, mentally, physically, and especially emotionally, and she wanted nothing more than to get him to calm down. Sighing softly, she pulled away from him, but only to lift the covers back, crawling in next to him with a gentle smile. She tucked herself against his other side, her head going to rest next to his on the pillow, her hand moving up to brush through his hair.

“Try and sleep love.” She whispered, dropping a kiss to his nose. She felt him relax under her touch, the feeling of having their bodies so close together for the first time in so long was mind blowing. She had missed how he always managed to make her feel at home.

“I love you.” He choked out, his dark eyes locking with hers as he pulled her as close as he could. “I love you so much it hurts.”

She choked back a sob of her own, her lips curving upward slightly as she rested her forehead against his. “I love you too.” And with that she dropped another kiss to his lips, smiling softly when she felt him deepen the motion just a tad. She had missed his lips against hers more than he would probably ever realize, and it felt so good to be able to kiss him whenever she wanted. 

They pulled back after a few minutes, both trying to catch their breath. She caught a hint of a smile on his lips, something about the way she kissed him maybe, and she offered him one back. He tugged on her gently then, pulling her back down against his chest and she willingly snuggled up to his side. Resting her arm next to Ariel’s she let out a soft sigh as she felt his body relax under her, his head dropping downward to press a kiss against the girl’s head, and then one to hers. She could definitely get used to falling asleep like this again.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ethan wakes up to more than he bargained for.

The following morning Ethan woke up to an empty bed, and the only thing his mind was capable of doing was flashing back to laying alone in his barracks. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t go back there. Shaking his head, he sat up quickly, taking in a deep breath as he looked around. He definitely wasn’t in his room in Baghdad anymore, this wasn’t even close. Closing his eyes softly he took another deep breath, opening his eyes once more and giving the room a good look. He recognized this place, in fact, he knew it well. His mind was struggling to remember where he was when he heard it. Laughter. And it was probably the most precious sound he had ever heard.

Sighing to himself, he dropped his head into his hands, fighting back a round of tears as he realized where he was. Leanne’s. Home. He was finally home. He choked back a sob as he heard another round of laughter, this time clearly coming from the teen he had come to love as his own. He felt his heart start to race at the thought of the girl. He loved her so much, so much more than he ever thought possible, and while he had never in his life imagined having children, he couldn’t have gotten luckier with this one if he had tried. He needed her so much more than she needed him and it was killing him.

Another laugh, this one coming from Leanne, and he felt his breath start to quicken. He couldn’t fathom what he would do without the woman. She had become his lifeline, his everything, and he needed her almost as much as he wanted her. She was the only thing that made him feel good inside, the only thing that didn’t make his hurt heart. However, a part of him couldn’t help but wonder if maybe they were better off without him. That they would be happier if he had never come home. They could’ve moved on with their lives, continued living a happy, care free existence. Except now, now they would never get that. Not with him here. 

Sighing to himself once more he decided that it was now or never, that he had to face them and get this over with before anyone else get hurt. He slowly made his way out of bed, hesitating when he felt a pain go through his hip. He still wasn’t a hundred percent yet and while he didn’t know if he would ever be back to his old self physically, he had wished that he could at least start to feel a little more like his age, instead of a good three decades older. After taking a minute to calm himself down he quietly started down the stairs, his ears listening out for any sounds of their fleeing, but it never came.

Instead, he walked downstairs and was greeted with what was possibly the most amazing sight he had ever seen. Leanne was standing in front of him, her back turned toward the stairs as she stirred something on the stove. She was wearing one of his old t-shirts and nothing else, her hair hanging loose over her shoulders. It was much shorter now than it had been in Paris, and it was curled in a way that sent shivers down his spine. He shifted his gaze to his right, catching sight of Ariel sitting cross-legged in one of the chairs, a giant smile on her face as she laughed at something Leanne said. The girl’s short hair was still messy, and her cheeks were still slightly tear stained from the night before, but she looked adorable nonetheless.

And then Ariel caught sight of him and she stopped mid laugh. Her hands going to rest in her lap as she offered him a soft smile, her eyes begging him to keep going, to keep coming closer. But he couldn’t. All of a sudden, his feet had forgotten how to function and he had lost the ability to move. Leanne turned then, her soft brown eyes catching sight of his as she froze in her spot by the counter. He felt his hands start to shake, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to catch his breath. His eyes were watering too, and he wanted nothing more than to run away from them. This was all too perfect, too real, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve this. 

“Morning love.” Leanne’s voice was soft as it carried through the quiet kitchen. Ethan stood frozen in his spot, his eyes snapping from Ariel’s to hers and back again. He didn’t know what to say. His brain couldn’t wrap around what was happening in front of him.

“Morning.” He whispered back, his voice finally finding its place. He still couldn’t move though, and he tried to force his feet to go forward, but nothing happened. 

“Coffee?” Leanne’s voice was so soft that it made his heart flutter. It was almost like he had never left, like he had been coming downstairs to her beautiful face every morning for the past twenty years. He would never understand why she had such a pull on him. Why he was so addicted to everything about her.

He stood there for a minute, his eyes blinking as he tried to make his body work. “Sure.” He whispered, his feet still wouldn’t work but he was confident that he would regain full usage once he had some caffeine in him.

“You okay?” Her question was whispered as she stepped toward him slowly. It was almost as if she was scared of him. He couldn’t stand it if that was the case. He would never forgive himself.

“Yeah.” He whispered, his trembling hands reaching out for her. “Just a little shell shocked.” 

She stepped into his arms then, setting his coffee cup down on the counter as she went. He wrapped her up tight, thankful that his arms decided to work even though his feet were still cemented to the floor.

“You’re home.” She whispered against his neck, burying her face there as she let out a soft sigh. “You can relax now Ethan.”

He let out a sigh then, his face pressing against the smooth skin of her neck as he felt a tremor rack his body. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was uniquely her and he smiled softly against her shoulder. “I’m trying baby.” He whispered, and he really was. He wanted to relax, he wanted to enjoy himself, to enjoy being home with his girls. But his mind was plagued with unimaginable things and he was terrified of what lay behind every corner. He didn’t know how to break himself of that, he didn’t know how to feel normal again.

“I know.” She whispered softly, pulling back so that she could grip his face gently in her hands. He avoided her eyes for a second, but she wouldn’t budge, not until he focused on her. “And I want you to know… We want you to know,” She nodded her head in the direction of the quiet teen with her words, “that we’re here for you no matter what.”

He nodded his head then, offering her the softest of smiles. “Thank you.” And then he leaned in and kissed her, passionately and deeply and for a second he didn’t care about the young eyes that were surely on them, because all he wanted to do was kiss his wife and remind her that beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved her, more than anything in this world, and that he was willing to fight for her. No matter what it took.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan and Leanne make up for lost time ;) **smut warning**  
>  **Also, this is the final chapter, for now. I’m in the process of expanding the story, but I figured that this was as good a place as any to leave off for now. Thanks for reading guys!

The next few days flew by before Leanne knew what was happening and while she hadn’t been planning on returning to work so soon after Ethan came home, it was inevitable that it would happen eventually. Unfortunately, eventually happened Thursday night, right after they had finished a quiet dinner that she had made on her own while Ethan helped Ariel fill out paperwork for school. She had been getting ready to settle down with her book, Ethan’s focus having been grabbed by a Dodger’s game on TV and Ariel having retreated off to get started on homework, when her phone had rung. The second she saw Campbell’s number she felt a twist in her stomach. _It was too soon. Way too soon._ Not only was she not ready to leave Ethan, but she also wasn’t quite sure how the man would handle being left alone with the teen for the night. While he had been quiet that day, choosing to stay home while she ran her errands, and napping for a few hours after she had gotten home with Ariel, he was still looking a little lost.

She had dismissed Campbell quickly, telling him that she would be there but that he needed to be aware that she might have to go home. If Ariel or Ethan needed her, she had to be able to go. He had huffed, but ultimately he had given in and told her that he would see her soon. She had had no problem telling Ariel that she had to go, the teen telling her to be safe and that she would see her in the morning. But her heart was racing at the thought of having to tell Ethan. 

However, her fears had been for nothing, because he had been completely fine with her leaving them. Swearing up and down that he and Ariel would be fine, that he could handle the sleeping teen just fine on his own. She had felt bad for insinuating that he wasn’t capable of taking care of their daughter, but she knew that he had to at least understand where her worries were coming from. After placing a kiss on his head and telling him that she loved him and would see him in the morning, she had been on her way. Her eyes had lingered on the house for a little while before she finally pulled out of the driveway, and she had been nervous all the way to work.

They kept up that pattern for the next few days. Her going to work at night, leaving Ethan and Ariel alone after dinner. She would return home in the morning and take Ariel to school and by the time she had made it home Ethan was normally just going to sleep. She wondered if it was his fear over leaving Ariel unattended that kept him up, or if he was really struggling to sleep alone each night. He would never tell her which one and she worried that he was starting to shut her out again.

But after a week had gone by she had finally gone to Campbell and said that things needed to change. That she needed to be home at night, not so much for the teen, but more so for Ethan. Campbell had given in after she threatened to just quit entirely, claiming that she needed to focus on her family right now anyway. When she had told Ariel the teen had seemed to care less, but there had been a look of relief in Ethan’s eyes that made her heart hurt. She guessed he probably needed her more than he wanted to admit in that moment.

Her first day of working the day shift she had made arrangements for Ethan to take Ariel to school so that she could get her day started early, and she had promised that she would be home in time for dinner. Of course, her promise wasn’t kept, because motor vehicle accidents in Los Angeles didn’t have a time limit, and when she had called Ethan to tell him that she would be a little late she could hear the panic in his voice. But then he had reassured her that it was okay, that they would be fine, that they always were, and she felt bad for letting him down. She felt like she had been doing that a lot lately.

She had finally made it home a little after 10:00pm and all the lights downstairs were off when she stepped inside. She made her way upstairs quietly, her eyes catching sight of the sleeping teen in her room, the light from the hallway bathroom illuminating the girl’s face softly. She let out a contented sigh, thanking God that the teen seemed to be adjusting to having Ethan home just fine. When she got to her room she was surprised to see the TV was on, but muted, the bedroom door open halfway, the light filtering into the hall. Pushing the door open slightly she could make out Ethan’s figure in the bed, but it appeared as though he had long ago forgotten about the TV because he was on his stomach and his eyes were closed and he was letting out the quietest little snores. Leanne couldn’t help the smile that came over her face. She wondered how long he had been sleeping, and how long she had before that peacefulness ended.

Leanne had ducked into the bathroom quietly, showering quickly and changing into her underwear and one of Ethan’s old Army shirts in the dark. She was trying her very best not to wake the sleeping man, and when she emerged from the bathroom and saw that he was still asleep, his face smushed against her pillow, drool trailing down his chin, she couldn’t help but let out the breath she had been holding. She crawled into bed as slowly as possible, her body relaxing as soon as it was against the soft mattress. Reaching forward, she brushed away some of Ethan’s runaway hair, and when he let out a soft huff she hushed him quietly.

“Lea…?” His mumbled question startled her, and when he opened his eyes up to meet hers she could see that he was struggling. She wondered briefly if he had ever truly fallen asleep or if he had just dozed off.

“It’s me.” She whispered, running her fingers through his hair as she scooted closer to him. “Go back to sleep.”

“Hm…” He rolled onto his side slowly, his arms going out to tug her closer, sighing softly when she finally settled herself against his chest. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She wrapped her arms around him then, hugging him against her as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

“How was work?” He whispered his question against her ear, his breath warm but shaky.

“Work.” She dropped a kiss to his shoulder before pulling back, her eyes searching for his in the darkness of the room. “How was your day?”

“Okay.” He reached his right hand up then, brushing the hair back out of her eyes as he offered her a sad look. “Went by my storage unit this morning after I dropped the kid off.”

“Hm?” She raised an eyebrow at him as she trailed her fingers down his neck. “I didn’t know you had a storage unit.”

“Yeah.” He leaned forward then, pressing a soft kiss to her lips before he continued. “Got it before I left. After I sold the apartment.”

“Ah.” She smiled when he leaned forward again, his lips soft against hers as his fingers gripped the back of her head gently. She could certainly get used to falling asleep to these kisses.

“I was looking for something.” He whispered after he pulled back, his eyes darkening as his mind flashed back to whatever he had been searching for. “Something for you.”

“What’s that?” Running her fingers back up into his hair she scratched lightly at his scalp, praying that she could bring him back down from wherever it was he was fading off to.

“Mom’s ring.” He said quietly, his arm moving so that he could remove her left arm from around him, pulling her hand into his as he eyed her ring finger softly.

“Oh Ethan.” She had completely forgotten about his mom’s ring after their talk last week. In all honesty, she had forgotten about it completely until he brought up that night. She was happy with the ring that she had and she thought that there was nothing wrong with it.

“I couldn’t find it though.” She could see the tears forming in his eyes as he ran his thumb along the simple band on her finger. She could tell that he was upset about it, but she really didn’t understand why. She hoped that he knew that she wasn’t in need of a big fancy diamond.

“It’s okay Ethan.” She whispered, her hand turning around to wrap her fingers around his. “I like my band. It’s perfect.”

“No.” He almost sounded angry and she pulled back slightly at the hint of aggravation in his voice. “I just…” He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and she could tell that he was trying to ground himself. That he wasn’t happy with himself for the way he reacted. “I really wanted to give it to you.”

“I know babe.” She released his hand then, reaching out to stroke his cheek gently with her knuckles. She offered him a soft smile, hoping to convince him that it truly was okay. 

“You…” He choked back a sob then and she scooted herself back into his arms, her forehead falling against his as she offered him soft hushes, her fingers massaging his head softly. “You don’t understand…”

She wanted to interrupt him, she wanted to tell him that she did understand, but she was starting to realize that there was very little that she actually knew about any of this. And she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he needed her to just listen to him, to just be there for him, that he needed to get things off his chest.

“She would’ve wanted you to have it.” He whispered, his lips trembling against hers as he leaned forward to kiss her softly. “She…”

“Shhh Ethan…” She kissed him softly this time, her lips moving slowly over his as she tried to comfort him the best way she knew how. “It’s okay.”

He sobbed once more, his fingers reaching up to tangle in her hair as he dragged her lips back to his. He was slightly more forceful this time, but only in an attempt to keep her close. They laid that way for a few minutes, kissing softly, their hands tangled in each other’s hair. He was the first one to pull away and he sighed as he locked his eyes with hers. 

“She would’ve loved you.” He whispered, a soft smile spreading over his face at the mention of the woman who had given him life. 

She smiled at him then, and she knew that if his mom had been anything like Ethan, she would’ve loved the woman just the same. “I’m sure I would’ve loved her too.” She whispered, her fingers stilling just behind his ear.

“Sometimes…” Another sob threatened to wrack his body but he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so, before continuing. “I think…” He reopened his eyes and let them connect with hers, a softness shining there that she hadn’t seen in a while. “You and Ariel. I think she sent you guys to me.” He hiccuped then, a fresh round of tears leaving his eyes. “I think she knew how badly I needed you.”

She swallowed back a sob then, her eyes glistening as she felt more tears start to prick at her eyes. She could only imagine what kind of miracle had to have taken place for her and Ariel to get so lucky that they got Ethan. She had never thought that he would’ve felt the same way.

“Oh Ethan.” She repeated her words from earlier as she gripped his head tightly, dragging his lips back to hers with a soft sigh. “I love you.” She whispered against his lips, and she prayed that he knew just how much she meant that.

“I love you more.” He whispered back, his lips crashing back against hers as he ran his tongue along her lips, begging for entrance. She happily granted him access and when he gently rolled her over on to her back, his tongue tangling with hers, she let out a soft sigh.

She felt Ethan’s hands move down her sides, pushing at the hem of her shirt gently. She groaned against his lips, her right hand falling to his bicep while the fingers of her left tangled in his hair. She heard him let out a gentle whimper against her lips when his fingers brushed over the bare flesh of her stomach. Her mind was starting to go fuzzy at his touch. It had been almost 4 months since they had been intimate with each other and she couldn’t help but get excited at the prospect of it.

“This okay?” He whispered, his lips pulling back from hers as he dropped his forehead down. She could see the hesitation in his eyes, the way he was shying away from her almost. Nodding her head she moved her hand down to his hip, tugging him closer to her with a smile. She saw his lips turn up slightly as his hand continued its way upward, running along her breast slowly, his breath hitching in his chest at the contact. 

She leaned up and kissed him once more, sighing gently when his thumb brushed along her nipple, his hand cupping her softly as his other moved to her neck. She wanted him so bad, so much more than she had ever wanted him, but there was a stiffness to his movements that she knew she needed to be cautious of. The last thing she wanted to do was to spook him during sex.

“Ethan…” She pulled back this time, her hand falling flat against the space between his shoulder blades as she eyed him softly. “We don’t have to.”

He blinked his eyes a few times and she could tell that he was trying not to break down. _This was exactly what she was afraid of._ “I want to.” He whispered, his head falling downward to press kisses against her neck. He moved his hands back then, tugging gently on her shirt once more. This time she lifted herself up enough for him to pull the material over her head, and she let out a soft whimper when his head fall back to her shoulder, his lips pressing feather light kisses to the exposed area.

She let her hands fall flat against the bed as he kissed his way downward, leaving a trail of fire as he went. And when he pressed the softest of kisses to her right breast, she thought she might have just died right then and there. But then he was running his tongue along her nipple and his hand was pushing its way under her panties and she closed her eyes shut tight at the feeling. She would never get over how easily his touch could turn her into a pile of mush.

“So beautiful.” He whispered against her stomach, his hands pushing her underwear down slowly. She shook her head back and forth, forgetting that he couldn’t possibly see her movements, and when he pressed a kiss against the inside of her left thigh she bit her lip to keep back a whimper. She wanted him, no, scratch that, she needed him, and this whole ‘going slow’ business wasn’t going to cut it tonight.

“Ethan…” She growled his name out, her hands reaching out to tug him up toward her, her eyes dark with lust as they locked with his. “Please.”

He let out a soft chuckle then, but when she slid her hand inside his sweatpants, gripping his erection tightly, he swallowed, his forehead falling against hers as she stroked him gently. “Stoooop.” He almost sounded like he was warning her and for a brief second she wondered why, but then he had a finger inside her and he was nipping at her neck and she lost all ability to think.

Pushing at his waistband she forced his sweatpants down one-handed, her other hand never stopping its ministrations, and when he was finally free of his pants she moved her hand up to go for his shirt. But then one hand was wrapping around her wrist so tight that it almost hurt, while the other moved from it’s place between her legs, and she let out a whimper, her other hand stilling it’s motions as she stilled underneath of him.

“What the…” She wanted to be angry, she wanted to yell at him and tell him to let go of her. But then his eyes connected with hers and they were dark and scary and full of tears. She felt her heart stop beating in her chest.

“Don’t.” He growled, his hand still holding tightly to her arm. She let out another whimper as he tugged on her and he must have sensed her fear because he dropped her arm like it was made of fire. “I’m…” He got ready to pull away, but she stopped him, her hands going to his shoulders as she held him in place.

“Talk to me.” She gripped his head gently between her palms when he tried to pull away, his eyes refusing to focus on hers. She knew that she had to get him through this and that if she let him withdraw from her she’d never get him back to this place again.

“No.” He whispered, his eyes closing as he started to shake. She no longer cared about anything other than making him feel better. 

“Ethan.” Her voice was soft as she scratched at his head softly, her legs moving to wrap around his hips gently, forcing his bottom half back down toward her. “Look at me.”

He shook his head back and forth and she felt his body start to relax on top of hers, whether from exhaustion or from contentment she didn’t know. “Please…”

“Ethan.” She whispered once more, gripping his chin gently as she turned his face back toward her. She could feel him trying to fight her, she could feel him slipping away, and she would be damned if she was going to lose her husband to this demon. “I’m here.” She leaned up then, pressing a soft kiss to his chin, and then his cheek, and his nose, before pulling his forehead down to meet with hers. “I’m here and I love you and I need you.” She choked back a sob then. She felt like her heart was shattering into a million pieces. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t lose another man that she loved. “Please let me in.”

He let out a soft sob as his eyes opened, finally connecting with hers, and she felt his hands trembling as he settled them on her hips. “There’s…” He struggled to get the words out and she did her best to soothe him with soft hushes, her fingers rubbing across his head slowly.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, leaning up to press a kiss against his trembling lips. “You can tell me.”

She watched as he took a deep breath, his eyes closing softly before opening once more. She could see the terror in his eyes. The fear. She wondered what in the hell could’ve made him like this. And then her mind flashed back to his anger over her wanting to join him in the shower the other night, and she couldn’t help the tears that started to fall down her cheeks.

“There’s… scars…” His voice was so soft that she barely heard it, but she knew exactly what he had said. She heard him let out a gentle whimper, his head falling to her shoulder as his tears fell against her bare skin. “They’re…”

“Ethan, baby, look at me.” Again, he shook his head against her shoulder, not wanting to look at her was something she was still having a hard time with. He used to be unable to keep his eyes off of her, even before they had gotten together. “Please.”

But he did what she asked and lifted his head up, his eyes locking with hers as one shaky hand went to cup her cheek gently against his palm. They laid that way for a minute, both of them working to steady their breathing, their eyes focusing intently on each other. She could feel him calming down in her arms, and she was thankful that she seemed to finally know how to get through to him some. 

“They’re pretty bad.” He whispered, his forehead moving from hers as he pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, his hand that was holding her waist had started to rub against the bare skin of her side. She wondered if he was trying to get the spark back, not that she would complain at all if he did.

“I don’t care about that Ethan.” She whispered, her fingers tangling in his hair as his lips moved to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, sucking gently on the skin. She felt his fingers reach down to run over her stomach, stopping at her curls, just above the place she needed him the most. “I love you.” She tugged his head back up to hers then, her body wanting only one thing right now. “Nothing will change that.” She whispered against his lips just before she pushed hers against them.

He moaned into the kiss, his hand on her cheek stilling as he let the fingers of his other hand wander back down between her legs. He ran a finger over her folds, teasing her gently, and she couldn’t help herself from smiling into the kiss. She hoped he knew that while his distraction tactic was working, she was still going to stick by her words.

“You’ll hate them.” He whispered as he pulled back from the kiss. He slid a finger into her once more and she tightened the grip she had against his head, her mouth falling open at the intense rush she felt from just a simple touch.

“I’m sure I will.” She said softly, pulling his focus back to her face as she tugged on his head gently. “Doesn’t mean I’ll hate you though.”

Her whispered words must have hit him somewhere hard because he closed his eyes tight, his forehead falling against her shoulder as he withdrew his finger from within her. She panicked for a second, praying that she hadn’t just pushed him over the edge, but then he was sliding himself into her slowly, his hand pressing itself against her hip as he moved the other to the bed. She whimpered at the sudden contact, her hand falling flat against his head. She heard him chuckle softly against the sweaty skin of her chest, and she smiled at the sound. _God she had missed that sound._

“Promise?” His whispered voice broke her from her thoughts and she watched as he brought his eyes back up to hers, his body stilling its movements as he begged her silently to focus on him. “Promise you won’t hate me?”

She choked back a sob then, both of her hands going to grip his head softly. She offered him the best smile she could manage given the circumstances as she spoke, praying he would believe her words and that it would be just what he needed to hear. “I promise love.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, her legs wrapping around his waist tighter as she tried to get them as close as possible. “I love you.”

He smiled back at her then, a soft, genuine smile, and she felt his body relax for the first time since he’d been home with her. “I love you more.” He whispered softly, his lips falling to hers as he kissed her passionately. 

They didn’t speak anymore as Ethan picked up his thrusts, his hand tightening it’s grip on her hip as he slammed into her effortlessly. She dropped one hand to the mattress, her fingers begging for something to grip onto while she thrust back against him. When they both finally came she could feel the tears on his cheeks as he dropped his head to her neck, his lips pressing sloppy kisses against the soaked skin.

“I love you.” He whispered, his lips lingering in the spot where there would surely be a mark in the morning. “I love you so much.”

She squeezed her fingers around the back of his neck gently, her eyes falling closed with a whimper as he pulled from within her. “I love you more.” She whispered back.

He pulled back then, eyeing her softly through his tears, and when his fingers trailed down her cheek gently she felt herself falling in love with him all over again. She thought he was going to speak, to maybe say something profound or enlightening, but instead he crashed his lips back against hers, kissing her deeply as he nestled himself against her body. She wished that they could stay that way forever, just the two of them, happy and relaxed and spent. She never wanted to lose this feeling. Not for as long as she lived.

**Author's Note:**

> *Don’t forget to comment and let me know what you think! I’ve been working super hard on this fic and I’m super nervous about sharing it!*


End file.
